The birds do it, the bees do it, what else do you need to know?
“Have you had the talk yet?” the girlfriend asks.
She means THE TALK. As in, the sex talk.
I squirm and look for the nearest exit, something to cause a diversion. I’ve begun carrying a few stun grenades for just such an emergency.
I get this question about once a week, and it seems to come with ever-increasing urgency. The girlfriend doesn’t have any kids, but I have a 16-year-old son. And, according to her, the sex talk is long overdue.
There’s no denying that. I’ve read the articles in the parenting magazines, and, according to the experts, it’s already too late. You’re supposed to talk with your child about sex at “every age.” Childhood is apparently supposed to be one long sex talk. Sort of like college, but with your parents hanging out in your dorm.
So I missed the boat. Darn.
This hardly gets me off the hook. “Don’t worry. Better late than never,” says the girlfriend.
Sex is not something I am comfortable discussing with my women my own age, let alone with my teenager. As far as I’m concerned sex talk should remain where it belongs, in the locker room. Or in really unfunny situation comedies.
Who’s to say that a sex talk wouldn’t do more harm than good? Imagine the trauma both me and my son would suffer if I were try to march into his room and launch into a discursive, fumbling, shamefaced monologue on sex.
Besides, what’s the worst thing that could happen if I don’t do it?
“STDs!” the girlfriend says. “Unwanted pregnancies! You need to talk to him about respecting women….”
Yes, there is that. But like most people over 20, nobody ever talked to me about sex. And I was perfectly okay with that. At 16, the last thing I wanted was to be cornered in my bedroom by mom and dad and told the facts of life, whatever they were.
They probably felt the same way.span>
Or maybe they didn’t think it was a good use of their time. I mean, it wasn’t like there was a line of cheerleaders waiting to deflower me.
I WENT TO school before schools began teaching sex ed, so I have no idea what the rest of you know that I don’t. I’m still not sure how I learned about the Birds and the Bees. I suppose I picked it up a little at a time, here and there, like I learned about auto mechanics. It took a long time because there was a lot less sex around when I was a kid. It wasn’t on television and it wasn’t thrust in your face in the form of sleazy advertisements. It was much more subtle, or maybe subliminal.