The American Spectator

From the Archives
Timeless Tosh from Current Wisdoms Past
(May 1990)

Memorandum (American Embassy, Luxembourg)

Our State Department’s secret police in action as revealed in an uncoded memorandum snatched by one of our own Daniel Ellsbergs:

FROM: DCM
Subject: Smoking in Official Vehicles

In the memo of September 13, it was clearly stated that smoking in official vehicles is prohibited by Federal regulation. The memo made it clear that smoking in the vehicles is not permitted ever.

Despite this clear instruction personnel have continued to smoke in the vehicles. Several subterfuges to smoke in the vehicles are being used to get around the regulation: leaving the windows open while smoking in the car while moving, or leaving the windows open after leaving the car parked or leaving the door opened while parked and waiting. All of these tricks are of no use as the unpleasant smoke odor remains.

Persons addicted to nicotine do not realize, or choose to ignore, the obnoxious odor left from tobacco/cigarettes/cigars: bad breath, yellowed teeth, smelly clothes, stained fingers and mess from cigarette/cigar ashes. The smell from cigarettes/cigars permeates fabric and remains in the vehicles. Federal health reports have repeatedly made clear the adverse affect [sic] of involuntary secondary smoke inhalation on non-smokers who are forced to put up with forced smoke inhalation from persons smoking. For these health and other safety reasons the Federal Government banned smoking in vehicles and in general office areas.
(January 11, 1990)