The American Spectator : In and Out of the Snow

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In and Out of the Snow

By Ben Stein from the April 2010 issue

Remember the record snows of last winter? Our Diarist does.

WEDNESDAY
Now, this is what i call work. I am in Las Vegas. I am not feeling at all well. Food poisoning, I think. My suitcase handle is broken. My hotel room is about five miles from the check-in counter at the Venetian. It is the middle of the night and I am sick, sick, sick. I called the room service folks to get some tea. They said it would be roughly two hours -- yes! Two hours for tea!!!!

So, I am lying in my bed in a room with a wall at an angle to the rest of the room, making me feel crazy. I decided I would take a hot, steamy shower to feel better.

No hot water. That's right. No hot water.

Well, it is my own fault. If I lived more modestly, I could retire. But I live like a maharajah, so I have to work.

Anyway, dawn finally came, rosy fingered, and I had to go about another five miles, all within the hotel, to get to where I was doing my appearance and guess what? The old ham bone blood in me got pumping and I woke up, felt great, and did my thing and was happy, happy, happy.

I rushed like a madman to McCarran Airport, named for an old Commie-hunting senator from Nevada, Pat McCarran, boarded my plane, and was asleep in seconds. Ooops. Not so fast, the insane couple across the aisle from me were playing gin and shuffling the cards as loudly as they could. That should be totally illegal but it's not. Anyway, my super Bose QC-15 noise-canceling headphones and my Bob Dylan disc saved me and I did not have to throw a fit. God bless Bob and God bless Mr. Bose.

I awakened in Dallas. A kindly man from American Airlines, world's greatest, most caring personal service organization, picked my poor, beleaguered self up at the gate in a little cart, took me to my next gate for my flight to Baltimore, and once again, off I went to sleep, in a wonderful sound sleep.

THURSDAY
It was one a.m. when i landed at Baltimore-Washington Airport and a heavy snow was falling. I felt so tired I could hardly drag myself to the luggage area, but I did, and there was my loyal driver, Bob Noah, with a front-wheel-drive Cadillac.

It was a winter wonderland. Just beautiful along the Baltimore-Washington Parkway with heavy snow everywhere, then on the George Washington Parkway with snow and immense trees and no sound at all except our Cadillac tires on the virgin snow. Just a paradisal scene.

How well I know this GW Parkway. Forty-four years ago, I used to take my girlfriend, little Alex, to park on a driveway near the CIA building, and we would hug and kiss and listen to "The Glory of Love." Neither of us could possibly have known we would still be together by 2010.

Then somewhere near here Vince Foster was either murdered or committed suicide.

Frankly, I don't believe the stories about how he just happened to do it by chance. He had just started on anti-depressants and these are known to cause suicidal ideation. So, my theory is that the drugs did it to him. But it is a bit of a coincidence that it was so near the CIA....

Usually I am not a conspiracy theorist. I don't believe in the Bilderbergers as a conspiracy or the Trilateralists. But I am certain that the Communists killed JFK. There is a super great book called Legend by Edward Jay Epstein that makes it all perfectly clear. Oswald was a nut job, but he was used by the KGB and Castro to kill Kennedy. They were furious at him because he had humiliated the Soviets about the Cuban Missile Crisis and also because he had tried repeatedly to topple Castro and also to kill Castro.

Assassination was the KGB's main tool. It would have been quite in their line of work to kill even the head of state of the United States to achieve their means. And the Warren Commission? A titanic cover-up of Soviet murder. Not surprising. Just another of Earl Warren's major league screw-ups, which are still haunting us many years later. The top dogs in Russia were not so coy. Once they learned the risks that Khrushchev had taken in Cuba and by killing JFK, they kicked his sorry ass out of the Kremlin.

Well, anyway, all water over the dam. Here we are in the winter wonderland that is Washington, D.C., tonight. We slipped and slid to the front of the Watergate. Bob Noah, my Sherpa guide, got me and my stuff into my glorious, unbelievably wonderful apartment at Watergate east, north building, where, by the way, someone has carved a swastika and a peace sign and an anarchy sign into my door. I had some toast, drank my huge ration of fiber, and then, off to dreamland.

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About the Author

Ben Stein is a writer, actor, economist, and lawyer living in Beverly Hills and Malibu. He writes "Ben Stein's Diary" for every issue of The American Spectator.

Letter to the Editor View all comments (17) | Leave a comment

Matt Morehouse| 4.21.10 @ 10:25AM

Not up to his usual speed. What's with the two typos and four exclamation points? Doesn't Spectator employ competent copy editors? Try this company .

I forgive him...he was sick.

Herman King| 4.22.10 @ 11:55AM

I lost respect for Ben Stein after he called Ron Paul anti-semitic on the Larry King Show.

Matt Morehouse| 4.21.10 @ 10:28AM

The company is We Build Books. www.webuildbooks.com

Phil Troung| 4.21.10 @ 11:18AM

Mr. Stein,

You are a recognizable face to my generation (i'm 30) and I respect your service to the country. I disagree with your assessment of KGB complicity in President Kennedy's murder. Of course, President Johnson used that possibilty to blackmail Chief Justice Warren into heading the commission to investigate- we know that because Johnson bragged about as much and the tape in the public record. Johnson referred to it as whatever was going on between Oswald and the KGB down in Mexico City. If you study that situation, I think you will find that Oswald was being manipulated and also impersonated to appear to be in contact with a Russian named Kostikov who worked at the Russian embassy in Mexico City and was known in CIA files to head their assassination program in the western hemisphere. What I find most interesting is that just 24 hours before these elements were cabled to the FBI and State Dept by the CIA who was monitoring that embassy, Oswald was taken off an FBI watch list that he'd been on since defecting to the USSR. That lead to no alarm bells going off from him working along the parade route and also after the assassination it lead to some serious CYA by all agencies involved. Also when CIA headquarters sent information on Oswald back to Mexico City answering that CIA stations info request regarding him, they sent totally conflicting info from what they sent to FBI and State. All this has been known since it was declassified by the ARRB in the nineties. I don't know what it means exactly but it doesn't like the foundation of a KGB assassination. After checking the accuracy of all this I'm sure you would agree because I believe you are at least as intelligent as I and probably more so. Be well, and lastly, your role in the Ferris Bueller movie is priceless.

William Haugland III| 4.21.10 @ 11:57AM

Mr. Stein, great article. You are always entertaining and I usually learn something new when reading your articles or watching you on t.v.
Thanks a million!

Publius| 4.21.10 @ 1:26PM

I would have preferred to comment and argue upon the field of economics. I understand Mr. Stein claims to have some ideas on this subject, but I can at least commiserate with him on the rigors of travel. Fifteen years ago I thought it was fun and I enjoyed traveling on business quite often. Today I dread it and find as many excuses as possible to avoid it and the result is that I am practically a shut-in. He has fiber issues and I have reality issues. Oh well, nobody is perfect and life is not perfect by any stretch. I'm sure Mr. Stein will find a way to pull through and make a way in this world for himself. His economic trials and tribulations are truly endearing and indicative of his close association with the issues the rest of America faces.

Jim | 4.21.10 @ 6:49PM

Dear Ben, sometimes I love him and sometimes I can't stand what he say. But all in all, I love him. Carry on Ben!

1FreeMan| 4.21.10 @ 9:07PM

Mr. Stein,
When I was visiting refugee camps along the Pakistan border in Afghanistan I had some terribly long days. Threats to life were real and the dirt, heat and weight of armor and weapons made it a drudgery. I often thought of home and lying in bed listening to the silence. I hoped that my work meant something to someone.
I read your letters and realize it does. Thank you.

Jerry| 4.21.10 @ 10:42PM

For another interesting lead on the JFK assination read "I Hear You Paint Houses" which was written by the attorney of an organized crime figure to made a deathbed confession to killing Jimmy Hoffa.

grock| 4.22.10 @ 6:41AM

Mr Stein, two hours for tea? I suggest you carry along a couple packs of your favorite Tazo "Refresh" . Improvise.
JG

Becky| 4.22.10 @ 11:59AM

Dear Mr. Stein,
I took a little time out from my morning routine to read your shared diary and found myself in another world. Thanks for sharing this time in your life with us. I felt like I was right there with you, enjoying your snowy apartment. (I'm from Southern Cal)
I plan on checking out the Mozart you mention. The piece of music that always brings me pleasure is the Brahms Requiem.
Love watching you on those Fox weekend shows.
God bless you and 1FreeMan.

1FreeMan| 4.22.10 @ 4:17PM

Thanks Becky. God has blessed me... with a free country and freedom for my family. Best blessing ever!

Dr. James Willingham| 4.22.10 @ 12:26PM

Dear Mr. Stein: I really enjoyed your movie, Expelled, but if Russia is ruled from over here and in Europe then some one else was behind the assassination. did you ever read Mark Lane's civil trial in Fla. where he won a judgmnt against some folks for the conspiracy to assassintate JFK?

Jack Lavelle| 4.22.10 @ 4:16PM

Hello again, Ben. It's been a while and I've missed reading your warm, friendly epistles.

I could be persuaded about your view of the JFK murder. My only difficulty is this: how did Oswald, an indifferent marksman with a mediocre weapon, connect on those unbelievable shots? It is a bit like me, a 5'11" fat guy, making a half-court shot at the buzzer with Michael Jordan in my face. It could have happened, but still... Of course, the whole idea of an assassination is for the assassin to get away with it. Maybe Oswald was exactly what he said he was, a 'patsy.'

Thank you for sharing your wonderful blizzard experiences. As a desert rat, I encounter snow so rarely it is a treat - such as the day of SuperBowl XLII. Instead of paying outrageous prices to see my beloved Giants in my hometown stadium, I drove to Flagstaff and watched the game with one of my sons and his roommate. We are all just nuts about the Jints. That day and evening, we had a blizzard of impressive proportions, and at the conclusion of that wondrous contest, we slid and spun our way around town to finally locate a place to eat in the heavy, silent snow. It was memorable.

Thank you for all that you share with us. It makes me at least feel like a friend.

Jack in Phoenix

Nobammy bin lyin| 4.23.10 @ 11:20PM

I must disagree with a portion of your comment JL, I hope you don't mind.
An indifferent marksman? He was a Marine and Marines are riflemen first and all else second. (ie cooks, drivers, pilots, etc) It takes many things to become a Marine and superior marksmanship is easily one of the most important. Those "unbelievable" shots you speak of are quite believable for a well trained & motivated shooter. This is true whether you like the man or not and I, like you, do not. This is not a worship piece, it's common knowledge to anyone who handles weapons. As for a mediocre weapon, I can assure you that a Marine will deliver well placed rounds with any weapon. I do agree though that he did not fire the fatal round. That shot came from in front of him. It is no conspiracy given the direction his head flew in after impact; to the rear, it is fact. That obviously meant the shot hit him from the front. I've watched all the shows of some clown trying to convince me that he was shot from behind therefore his head flew back. Retarded. Set up 10, 100 or 10,000 cans on a fence rail and shoot them. I guarantee every single one you hit will fly AWAY from you not toward you. So in that respect I agree with you. He was indeed a patsy but only insofar as he was robbed of a kill. He intended to do it, but somebody else insured it.

gerry smith| 4.27.10 @ 1:59AM

Mr. Stein,
I lost respect for you a few years ago when I saw you on a tv show where you scoffed at the notion of a real estate bubble.
If you can be so wrong on something that even I could perceive at that time to be obvious then I doubt your ability to be right on any other issue.
And the fact that I have never seen or heard an acknowledgement of how gloriously wrong you were only serves to make your opinion a 'do not buy'.