The American Spectator : Two Days in Washington

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Two Days in Washington

By Ben Stein from the March 2010 issue

Suddenly last winter -- from Ben's monthly Diary.

(Page 3 of 3)

Someday soon I will visit WRAMC at midnight and talk to the men who cannot sleep. God bless their souls. They are already immortal.

FRIDAY
Jacksonville, Florida. wow. This town has a nice airport. Just a long curving building, not at all crowded, sunny, polite people. A perfect airport. I met my driver and headed over to Walmart to get some Selsun Blue Moisturizing Shampoo. I really cannot live without that shampoo, but I cannot bring it on the plane. That means I am endlessly buying big bottles of it, using them once, then leaving them behind.

But the prices at Walmart are so great that it hardly matters. The Super Center near the airport was brand-new and sparkling. I love being in the Walmart. I feel as if I am in heaven. An abundance of material things is said to be wearying, but I love seeing the vast array of shampoos, fiber tablets, and razor blades at Walmart. The fellow shoppers are always friendly and so is the checkout. Actually, this time I used the self-checkout. It was amazingly easy and I had a nice time checking out all by myself. Made me feel very space age.

Then, off to my hotel, the Ritz-Carlton on Amelia Island. It was a lovely place, but I had a room filled with loud partiers right above me. It took many, many calls to the front desk to get them cleared out. This, by the way, is my fate. I almost always get stuck next to really loud people in hotels. They always quiet down one way or another, though. I fell asleep listening to Frank Sinatra and Tommy Dorsey. "Polka Dots and Moonbeams." One of my favorites. From way before my time but very civilized and I love it.

SATURDAY
Up bright and early to speak to a group of honchos in the super-successful Allianz insurance business. They were extremely polite and charming. I stayed afterward for lots of pictures and autographs, then had lunch with a major from the Army just back from Iraq and his charming neurologist wife.

There are many people crisscrossing the country speaking, but there are none who like it as much as I do. I have never had a bad group and some have been spectacular, especially ones I did recently in Dallas and Houston, two of my favorite cities. Big corporate powers and super smart and well dressed. The groups were from Spencer Stuart, a powerful executive search firm. They were really, really sharp cookies. Made my head spin.

Then back to the fabulous airport, and off to Dallas. I sat next to a simply beautiful 60-year-old housewife from Aberdeen, Mississippi. Her husband and his mother were seated in the row ahead of me. The flight was almost empty. The woman told me how great life was in Aberdeen in the 1950s and 1960s, especially as a baton twirler at her high school. Wow, she was 60 and she was BEAUTIFUL.

I have a great fondness for women from Mississippi because my wife's family is from the Magnolia State, although they then emigrated to Arkansas.

Then to the Admirals' Club and a long session on the computer. Then onto a flight to LAX. I sat next to a young man who had just filmed something about BMW cars on the coast of Portugal. "I don't know why we went to Portugal," he said. "It looks just like Malibu." We had a pretty good breaded chicken dinner. For airline food, darned good. Served by an extremely pleasant flight attendant.

Then home to my poor ill wife, suffering from a flu. I went out to Porto Via, a fine restaurant here in Beverly Hills, and got her a steak. She didn't eat it. Instead, she shredded it and gave it to her Maltese psycho dog Mopsy. Luckily, I got a large bite first.

Then to bed holding my beautiful Brigid. Tomorrow morning I will rise and swim.

Thank you, God, for the great life I get to live. I am on my knees with gratitude night and day.

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About the Author

Ben Stein is a writer, actor, economist, and lawyer living in Beverly Hills and Malibu. He writes "Ben Stein's Diary" for every issue of The American Spectator.

Letter to the Editor View all comments (23) | Leave a comment

Kenny| 3.29.10 @ 7:04AM

Dave Gergen is as loathsome as a Washington insider can get.

Howard| 3.29.10 @ 7:52AM

I wouldn't go that far. However, he is the Mainstream Media "House Conservative". Someone they can bring in from the plantation who is not embarrassing to them. He will mouth just enough conservative rhetoric to appear "real", but mostly snicker at the conservative movement. Sort of like a self hating Jew who still goes to High Holiday services out of tradition.

Adheeb| 3.29.10 @ 12:33PM

David Gergen was the 'Conservative Voice' on Public Television's "News Hour" years ago. He and Mark Shields (the liberal) put on a 'conservative/liberal' dog & pony show every evening with Jim Leher. That is until Gergen started working for Bil Clinton. Let me ask, how could a conservative work for Bill Clinton? Fact is, he can't and Gergen is no conservative. He's creepy!

Jim O'Brien| 3.29.10 @ 8:26AM

The solider with the machine gun would be in jail now if he accidentally shot a captured terrorist instead of a fellow soldier. Remember the Navy Seals?

How did Obama get elected? Well, people said "isn't this cool, we have a nice, bright young black guy to vote for, and a) he's a fellow minority; b) I would really feel bad if I voted for that mean, washed-up, old fart, war monger, honkey named McCain; or c) Obama is just like a black movie star or professional sports player. Never mind that Obama is a "post-American" socialist who thinks our Constitution has major defects which he intends to "correct".

Now, after the "health care" legislation, people are waking up just a bit. They are asking (I hope): "If the government can force me to buy medical insurance (or pay a fine/tax), could the government also force me to take a drug which it deems essential to "protect" the general welfare and health of the country?" When does this invasion of life, liberty and property stop?

philhoey| 3.29.10 @ 8:53AM

Ben - remember all those crazies from the 60's? They are now running the place. They are totally clueless on how to do anything except bully people.
Hope you get the tooth fixed soon. That can tend to ruin your whole day.

Bob K| 3.29.10 @ 9:09AM

Hi Ben:
Wonderful Walmart!? The Great Chinese Outlet Store! Buy from it in bulk, use it once and throw the rest away. There is more where it came from, right?

Get down into fly over country once in a while, OK? Visit a Walmart there and see how grubby it is and the next day bring your partly used bottle of shampoo back and give it to one of the store's employees who is making minimum wage. He or she will appreciate your kindness!
Bob K.

KPitts| 3.29.10 @ 11:35AM

Bob K:
Were you born a moron or did you have to take a course?
Love & Kisses,
-JKP
Nashville, TN

Tim| 3.29.10 @ 11:48AM

If a writer retires does he become a "wroter"?

Calligrapher | 3.29.10 @ 8:28PM

Yes, unless they try and write him off, then he becomes a writtenwroter. These are writers who just couldn't make it, and take early retirement.

TURK| 3.29.10 @ 11:55AM

Ben Love your writing with it's unabashed patriotism. Don't share your fondness for Gergen. May have been a great boss but I agree with the loathsome tag. His sucking up to the leftists (beginning with Clinton) is, and has been,despicable! I might say his conduct for years resembles the harlotry of the casting couch so perpetuated there in hollywood!

Nevertheless, I say, you are a great American(as was your father)! Best wishes.

David| 3.29.10 @ 12:11PM

Mr. Stein, I have never understood how people can say that any politician is likeable when the person's political, social, and ethical positions are diametrically opposed to the people who claim the pol is likeable. Is it a pol's smile that does it? Or the fact that he can string coherent sentences together? In the case of this prez, without saying anything substantive.

I do not like Obama, or Reid, or Pelosi, or the vast number of democrats I have watched and listened to over the years. I just don't understand how it is possible for someone to be likeable when they are bent on destroying the economic, social, and moral systems that have so American so well since its founding.

Kelpius| 3.29.10 @ 12:15PM

Gergen, the "Talking Thumb" -- God only knows why he's among DC's go-to wise men, putting out such boring canned blah-blah time after time; rivals EJ Dionne as TV talker w/ fewest interesting or moving remarks per appearance.

David| 3.29.10 @ 12:19PM

I would like to continue my last post with an example.

Suppose you have a son or daughter who has a friend who is good-looking, articulate, smooth, popular with classmates, etc. But, that person influences your child in ways that cause him/her to not study as much, to skip a day of school once in a while, to not work hard for what they want, to expect things to be given to them, etc.

Now, would you say that your child's friend's is likeable? I don't think so. You would not want your child to spend time with that fellow. You would probably do everything you could to encourage your child to find friends who were productive and who understand how the real world works. That you don't get by on a smile and confidence and smooth talking. True?

Cuffs| 3.29.10 @ 1:18PM

Ben!!! Obama a politician??
He is an empty suit. Someone behind the
scenes winds the key in his back, puts the
telepromplter in place and off he goes.
Watch him very carefully when he speaks--
cold, black eyes and phony passion. The man
is obsessed with doing him masters' work.

Copyleft| 3.29.10 @ 1:45PM

You see Ben? If you had only supported the comprehensive health care plan that our president and congress gave us you wouldn't have that toothache!

Dave Williams| 3.29.10 @ 1:45PM

Dear Mr. Stein,
Obama a nice guy???? Puh-LEEZE! Although it reflects well on you to say so, it does not reflect a very trustworthy view of reality. The guy is an arrogant, vicious Chicago pol (forgive the redundancy) who doesn't understand America, hates it, and is working tirelessly to change it to a Euroweenie state. This is, to put it mildly, not "nice" at all. November 2012 can't come soon enough, and I sure hope he smokes a LOT of cigarettes between now and then.

Frank Drackman| 3.29.10 @ 2:43PM

10% Indoor Tanning Tax?!??!?! How the eff is this not a violation of the 1st, 9th, and 10th ammendments, not to mention all the Civil Rights Acts that Klansman Robert Byrd filibustered???
Wheres the Watermelon Surcharge? the Malt Liquor Excise Tax? the Afro-Sheen Impact Fee???
Revolutions have started over less...
Let my People TAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Frank Drackman, Tanner

Forever Marine| 3.29.10 @ 2:51PM

Ben, I love ya, but you are waaay to nice and always the prefect gentleman. I don't mind if you are not PC every once in awhile. You are a patriot and do appreciate the sacrifice of everyone that holds America's principles dearly.

But the guy in the White House is trying, on purpose, to kill us economically, socially, and physically. It's all planned and he is well on his way.

Joe| 3.29.10 @ 4:14PM

Please read Mr. Sowell book on the subject. The government was more to blame than anyone in this mess and who is going to jail with them. How about Freddie Mac/Fannie Mae. How about all those poor individuals who bought homes they knew they could not afford with frauduant information. There is blame to go around and all should have been fined or sent to jail depending on the law.

GHD| 3.29.10 @ 9:42PM

The guy is an arrogant, vicious Chicago pol (forgive the redundancy) who doesn't understand America, hates it, and is working tirelessly to change it to a Euroweenie state.

adheeb| 3.30.10 @ 8:52AM

I like Ben Stein but not all of his friends.

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