In memory of our late colleague Lawrence
Henry, who responded in March 2005 to a piece discussing
Esther: “Jay, I always like your columns, but I particularly
admire this one, translating one of the richest stories in the
Bible for modern eyes, ears and sensibilities.”
The Jewish holiday of Purim was celebrated in most of the
world on Sunday. In Jerusalem and Tiberias, indeed any city which
was walled in ancient times, it was observed on Monday. The day
commemorates the Jews being saved from the evil Haman, who used
political clout to convince the Persian emperor to issue an edict
allowing open season to wipe out the Jews. His plot was foiled by
Queen Esther, who had hidden her Jewish identity until that time.
The Biblical Book of Esther tells the story in detail and is read
twice during the holiday.
This Book is unique in that it is the only one in Scripture
not to mention the name of God. No open miracles are recorded in
the tale. This is taken to symbolize the notion of God’s hidden
hand in history, how He manipulates events without noticeably
altering the course of nature. In recognition of this, plays and
costume parties are customary, communicating that God disguises
Himself in history. Humor is also used, in sharp
contradistinction to the general reverence, expressing the notion
of the divine comedy in human events. Such as, say, dropping
cascades of snow every time Al Gore shows up to make a Global
Warming event.
With this in mind, I sent all my friends a special quiz
this year, reviewing the events in the Book of Esther through a
series of jokes. Herewith my little exam, answers thoughtfully
provided.
1) What did people think of King Ahasuerus’ party?
A: They found it intoxicating.
(The text carries on at some length about all the tippling
at his inauguration. This is the Hebrew spelling; the Persian
form is Chashiarsh and the Greeks called him Xerxes.)
2) Why did Queen Vashti refuse her cameo?
A: She didn’t want to be listed at the tail end of the
credits.
(The king wanted his queen to appear before the assemblage
but she refused. The tradition says she had developed a swelling
which made it look like she had a tail.)
3) What was Haman’s advice to Ahasuerus about
Vashti?
A: He should head off any future
insubordination.
(The text states he issued a decree against Vashti and he
then needed a new queen. Tradition says he had her executed,
off-with-her-head as it were.)
4) Why did Esther have to win the contest on the first
round?
A: She didn’t want any makeup.
(She was not looking to win the queenship because she
wanted to marry a Jew, so she requested no cosmetics for her
session with the king, but she was chosen anyway.)
5) Why did Esther’s story about poison have to check
out?
A: It was registered under another name.
(Her uncle and adoptive father, Mordecai, overheard two
palace guards plotting to poison the king. He told Esther, who
reported it to her husband in Mordecai’s name. This is the source
for the great virtue ascribed in Judaism to giving credit to
sources.)
6) What made Haman change his position concerning
Mordecai?
A: He couldn’t take the bow so he went to the
stern.
(Haman was angry because Mordecai refused to bow when he
passed, so he sternly initiated a vendetta. Tradition indicates
Mordecai could not bow because Haman wore an idolatrous totem
around his neck.)
7) Which capital featured in the meeting between Haman and
Ahasuerus?
A: The Kikar.
(The currency, i.e. capital, Haman offered as a bribe is
called Kikar in Hebrew. Kikar also means a public square, and in
Israel the Defense Department complex in Tel Aviv is called the
Kikar, the equivalent of our Pentagon. The actual capital city
was Shushan, today known as Shush or Shustar in Iran .)
8) How did Haman suggest Ahasuerus contemplate the Jewish
problem?
A: MMMMMMMMMM.
(Haman offered 10,000 Kikar.)
8) What happened when Mordecai went to sleep?
A: He tried to hit the sack but the sack hit him
instead.
(The text says Mordecai heard of the decree against the
Jews and he donned sackcloth and ashes. Tradition adds that this
was revealed to him in a dream.)
9) Why did it take Esther three days to get to the
king?
A: You know her and the girls! That was their idea of
fast.
(Esther and her loyal attendants fasted three days before
she approached the king. This sort of self-deprivation served as
a sort of prayer for God’s assistance.)
10) What did Esther say when the king offered her
50%?
A: “Great! Let’s halve a party!”
(The king said she could request up to half the kingdom.
She said she would reveal her request in a party honoring the
king and Haman.)
11) How did Haman react to driving Mordecai around?
A: He was down in the dumps.
(Haman ended up leading Mordecai around town on a majestic
horse to honor Mordecai for saving the king’s life. Tradition
says his daughter thought it was Mordecai leading her father, so
she dumped trash from an upper storey onto the head of the person
on foot.)
12) What did Harvona say about Haman?
A: He was hanging at the wrong party.
(Harvona turned up at the exact moment the king was enraged
at Haman to inform the king Haman had prepared a gallows for
Mordecai. The king angrily instructed Haman be hanged
thereon.)
13) Why did Haman leave before the end of the
Megilla?
A: He couldn’t take the suspense.
(A bit of gallows humor there.)
14) Why did Esther suggest adding Haman’s sons?
A: To help Ahasuerus build up his pole
numbers.
(The gallows wound up holding eleven men at once, Haman and
his ten sons.)
15) Which element of the Purim celebration commemorates
Haman’s fate?
A: The hangover.
(It is customary to drink to the brink of excess, a line
often too fine to be smoothly negotiated.)
