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The Obama Watch
Mr. Obama Repeals the Law of Gravity
Time to move on from old dogmas in favor of new talking points.
This just in from the White House: Barack Obama — the beneficent, the merciful — has repealed the law of gravity, calling it “old science” and saying in his weekly radio address that it was “time to move on and put this slavish devotion to 17th century dogma behind us.”
The president drew a careful comparison between his brainstorm in repealing the law of gravity and Isaac Newton’s in inventing it. Under this comparison, Newton came out rather badly. In a conversation with Rahm Emanuel prior to going public with this announcement, the president explained his thinking:
“Newton was hit on the head by an apple. He awoke and asked, why? I too was inspired in my sleep. When I awoke, I asked, why not? I thought: Why not cut straight to the chase and forget all about costs. That was my insight and I came up with it entirely on my own, without the help of any props. That shows you why I’m president and Newton’s just another forgotten geek on a pedestal.”
The president paused, giving Emanuel a moment to catch up with the enormity of this thought, and plunged ahead with his customary confidence and certitude.
“Tell me, Rahm, how many times have you heard me talk about how we must learn to live within our means?”
“Almost never, Mr. President. At least not until recently. But you have started to talk about it, that’s for sure.”
“And surely you have noticed that I have been talking about some other things that are just a little bit out of the ordinary for me.”
“Yes, indeed. At the summit at Blair House you talked about the need for injecting ‘choice and competition’ into healthcare decision-making. That was a first. And then in your state-of-the-union address last month you talked about your devotion to small business and how small business is the real engine of growth and job creation in this country.”
“I did, indeed. And I went on to say that as long as I’m president of the United States, I won’t allow our economy to come out second best to the Indians, the Chinese or anyone else. I set a goal of doubling our nation’s exports in five years. What other president has done that?”
“I love where you’re going with this, Mr. President. ‘Confusion to the enemy,’ I always say. Nobody will think you’re a socialist if you can sing one or two bars out of the free-market songbook. We did that back in Clinton White House. We called it ‘triangulation.’”
“So here’s the deal, Rahm. First of all, we want the American people to know that when we say we want to balance the budget, lower the deficit, re-energize the economy and improve our long-term competitiveness, we are serious about it. Are you with me so far?”
“Yes, sir.”
“At the same time, we are just as serious, and in fact 100 times more serious, about all kinds of other things — such as spending massive amounts of money on green jobs and green energy… supporting our union brethren in high-paying jobs in Detroit… and inventing a whole new system of taxes, hand outs and entitlements that will take money out of the hands of the most active, talented and hard-working people in the top quintile and put it into the pockets of other people in the bottom four quintiles.”
“True enough, Mr. President. Those are a few of our objectives, and you could add that we are also supporting the wages of others of our union brethren who have been bleeding cities, states and local communities dry in public sector employment. But without wanting to sound disrespectful, what are you getting at here? I mean, what’s the point?”
“The point is: To do all those things — and keep from doing the most spectacular swan dive into national bankruptcy that the world has ever seen — we have to repeal the law of gravity. Really, it’s the only way to get a handle on costs. Without gravity, we won’t be weighed down by costs — or anything else. We need to get rid of gravity!”
About the Author
Andrew B. Wilson, a frequent contributor to The American Spectator, writes from St. Louis.
Letter to the Editor View all comments (101) | Leave a comment
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Bill Hussein O'Stalin| 3.1.10 @ 6:32AM
Nice parody. The bill is coming due. And soon.
victor| 3.1.10 @ 3:04PM
Sorry Bill, The Great Economunicator has just repealed the Laws of Minimum payments, Grace Periods and APR's.
The bill may indeed come due, but the APR will be 0%, the Minimum will be $0.00 and the balance will carry forward til the end of time with no payment due. Ever!
Alan Brooks| 3.1.10 @ 8:59PM
Better Obama's social democracy tham Gingrich's futurism-- at least Obama is on Earth, not in outer space. somewhere, blasting off without a rocket.
Annie Fields | 3.1.10 @ 7:03AM
I don't know if that was a belly laugh rising up in me at the wonderful absurdity of this or acid reflux at the accurate portrayal of the "Anointed One's" narcissism.
Robert Rupard| 3.1.10 @ 10:41AM
Annie.. I think it was the acid reflux. This is too close to the truth to be funny. Too bad, it's intellectually humorous.
Alan Brooks| 3.1.10 @ 9:01PM
Better Obama's social democracy than Bush's
'No Child Left Behind'
Alan Brooks| 3.1.10 @ 10:00PM
...why can't you admit:
"After the Cold War ended we became clueless."
Margie| 3.1.10 @ 11:16PM
Mr. Brooks,
Have you ever said to yourself, "we've got to stop meeting like this?"
fbom| 3.1.10 @ 8:19AM
The bill is coming due, but BO will not be paying it.
Tim| 3.1.10 @ 8:26AM
A repeal would also solve the hot dog choking problem...
Shamus| 3.1.10 @ 8:50AM
Comedy is the opposite of gravity.
David Jack Smith | 3.1.10 @ 1:57PM
Unless you fall down laughing.
Dumb is the New Black| 3.1.10 @ 9:03AM
My God----Obama has dumbed down America so fast, it will take a decade to reverse.
David Jack Smith | 3.1.10 @ 2:08PM
A decade? That's like, uh three years, right? Whatever.
victor| 3.1.10 @ 3:07PM
Most Obama voters cannot read an analog clock, much less a calendar.
They are so oblivious, they think the world began on January 20, 2009.
Neo-libertarian| 3.1.10 @ 9:04AM
The offshoot of this is the taking away of the 2010 Gold Medal from Lindsey Vonn and giving to Obama. The spin to justify this travesty was offered by Rahm, “Obama is going downhill much faster than she was.”
Grzmlyk| 3.1.10 @ 9:13AM
Ah, yes: the repeal of the law of gravity.
This has been inevitable for a while, but remember: The first rule of liberalism is that all laws should be applied selectively - that is, only to punish Republicans, conservatives, "teabaggers" and other unsuspecting, honest schlubs who actually work for a living.
But if you're a Dem, a member of a victim group, a bureaucrat, or a freelancing gamer of The System, you are in the gloaming, my friend.
That's why we have a Treasury secretary
who doesn't pay his taxes, a Homeland Security Chief who believes in open borders, a Ways and Means chairman who, as long as he has his hands on your "means" will find "ways" to line his own pockets, a "Safe Schools Czar" who preaches pedophilia, a president who may or may not be a US citizen, an uber-community organization called Acorn that, in its drive to make the US into a Democrat Party fiefdom, cannot be bothered to observe anything so base, so earthbound, so banal, as LAWS.
So you see, gravity Shall Be permitted when it weighs down evil Republicans who simply refuse to reach across the aisle and the selfish taxpayers who seem to think the money they earn does not belong to the Democrat Machine.
But for Democrats, liberals, Marxists, socialists and other assorted scoundrels and fools who comprise Obama's constituency? You are free to float about the cabin, encumbered by gravity's pull no more.
Next on The Great One's docket: Regulating the speed of light to make if "fair" for those that evil capitalism has left behind.
Margie| 3.1.10 @ 1:32PM
To Grz: Priceless!
Grzmlyk| 3.1.10 @ 2:12PM
Thank you, Margie! I greatly appreciate your kindness.
victor| 3.1.10 @ 3:03PM
Just as I've always said, that is, since coming back from the Dark Side and seeing the Light back in 1993, which is that democrats, liberals, progressives and socialists use legislation to try and re-engineer human behavior.
They will sooner repeal the Law of Gravity before repealing any Law of Human Nature.
Rush said it best just now, you can make dog food (Bad Health Care Legislation) that owners (Congress) will like, but what will they do when the dogs (taxpayers) won't eat it.
SpiralArchitect| 3.1.10 @ 4:18PM
Ye! Two cheers - Yea!!!
- In an attempt to make ends meet I am making cutbacks accross the board, otherwise I would afford you three. >:(
We must cut corners and make ends meet, whereas the gov will only increase along with it's multifaced spending fiasco.
Conan the Grammarian| 3.1.10 @ 9:19AM
I hate to be the dog at the garden party, but our old buddy W did a lot to put us in this situation too. We cannot elect Rino spenders anymore, because they are followed by Dems who spend even more.
Grzmlyk| 3.1.10 @ 9:36AM
True dat, as they say.
Buth was guilty of egregious, profligate spending and a go-along-to-get-along mentality. And when it came to the odious concept of "bipartisanship," Bush took the bait every single time.
Compassionate conservativism is reduced-calorie liberalism - it may not be quite as blatant as hand-over-fist democrat policies, but it still bloated government well past the bounds of sanity.
But Bush wasn't an out-and-out crook. Bush is a decent human being, even if he was misguided and feckless.
Obama is a malevolent thug and a pathological liar with a sense of entitlement and an opinion of himself that is so vastly overinflated that if it weren't so tragic it would be comical.
Conan the Grammarian| 3.1.10 @ 1:01PM
Agreed. Not a crook, a decent man. Still, he pisses me off with his spending and his invasion of Iraq (more spending). If Saddam was harboring terrorists and building WMDs, then we should have sent in special covert ops units.
Grzmlyk| 3.1.10 @ 2:17PM
As for that, the ONE thing the constitution does allow that we should pay for is the common defense.
We can certainly disagree whether it was prudent to go in there in the first place - I still think it was the right thing to do, but I was horrified at our failure to secure the hotspots and our poor strategy.
Besides, the stated policy of the CLINTON administration - continued by the Bushies - was not destroy WMD sites, it was out-and-out regime change.
So whether it was on or off the books, that's something I personally don't mind paying for. But these exploding entitlement programs, a union-empowerd federal employees union, Freddie and Fannie, and general bloat of things like energy and education departments - that's what annoyed me so much about the Bush administration.
Ralph Novy| 3.3.10 @ 4:52PM
NOT agreed.
Bush II isn't just a "crook," he's a full-blown "criminal." A murderer, in fact. Along with Cheney, Addington, Wolfowitz, Rumsfeld, et al.
He -- as well as Kennedy, Johnson, Nixon, Reagan, his dad and Clinton (and their principal advisors like McNamara and Kissinger) --should have been jailed for the needless deaths they ordered in the name of "national security."
Richard Baker| 3.1.10 @ 9:22AM
Conan:
Agreed. However, W had a love for this country and system, regardless. The Kenyan does not.
Ralph Novy| 3.3.10 @ 4:57PM
"The Kenyan," eh?
And "W" had love for this country?
What "White Power" grade school did YOU flunk out of?
Jesus Christ, that's stupid.
Speaking of whom.....I'll just bet you're dumb enough to fancy yourself a Christian, aren't you?
gdi
Louis Jenkins| 3.1.10 @ 9:42AM
Yes, the law of gravity is to being repealed and replaced with Pretender n Chief’s version of physics. While he is at it the former belief that the world is flat should be re-instituted to fit in with the US’s flat economy (and that pigs have the ability to fly faster and higher than an F-22).
This administration, and all of our elected representatives, should remember that Newton was a mathematician. Apparently they, and previous administrations, cannot understand that flagrant spending does not equal sound government.
And the Pretender n Chief will have to figure out how to deal with Newton’s Third Law: "If body A exerts a force on body B, then body B will exert an equal and opposite force back on A for the same period of time.” I believe that the Conservative anti-Statist movement is Body B. It must hold the line this year if Obama’s and the Statist Monkey’s policies are to be defeated. 2010 is crunch time.
Ken (Old Texican)| 3.1.10 @ 9:54AM
Conan
Bush keeps getting the bad rap for debts. Fine. That has been pounded into un-aware minds too much in my calculations.
Yep, Bush signed off on prescriptions benefits for the elderly...combined with an intended profitable 401 type social security pay and collect annuity plan to offset the costs. He only got one of the two. OOps!
Second, yep the war on terrorists cost a lot of money. Uh, how much did the attack on 9-11 cost America including economic upheaval?
...answer:
A whole hell of a lot more than the efforts in both Iraq and Afghanistan.
Had Bush not counterattacked over seas in the terrorists' homes and driven them into caves, or in Iraq to draw them onto the "fly-paper" of our splendid military .....I wonder how much it would have cost to keep fighting them in our major cities those seven and a half years?
I think we may have a real good chance to find out over the next seven years.
three years from now,(before Obama is run out of office), let's revisit the respective scores.
JP| 3.1.10 @ 11:49AM
Ken,
You make good points. President Bush governed from a position of weakness until Jan 2003. From the very beginning, he had to deal with Senator Daschle and his Democratic Senate majority. The Dot Com and Telco market implosion began in 2000 and continued through most of 2001. About $2 trillion in stock equities were lost during that period. Also the Enron, Arthur Anderson, MCI scandals rocked his administration (funny that all of the scandals which were associated with Bush43 occured under Clinton's watch). The 9/11 attacks cost this nation about $2 trillion. By Jan 2002, there was a real liquidity crisis, and Bush pretty much played the Kensyian script of pump priming the economy. The WOT from 2001-2008 cost about $1 trillion in additional defense spending. However, the tax reciepts from 2004-2008 covered almost 75% of that spending. Greenspan during this period allowed interest rates to fall to 0%, and he kept them there until early 2006. During that period, Congressional Earmarks soared, the President signed two very large appropriation increases for Transportation ($500 billion over 5 years), and Agriculture ($200 billion over 5 years for ethanol subsidies). He also promoted the Medicare Plan B subsidies.
The President and various Congresses ran roughly $2.5 trillion in defecit spending over 8 years (of which $1 trillion was to fund the WOT). In just his first 2 years, Obama will run $3 trillion in defecits (more if ObamaCare passes). The war in Iraq has wound down, and Obama and Gates are cutting Defense to the bone.
President Bush is no conservative, but he did do whatever it took to protect us. I think his political instincts were a mixture of Nixon and Ford. He's a patriot, but he diverges from political orthodoxy enough to label him a Rockefeller Republican. He implemented many policies that should have pleased many Democrats. But, the Left never forgave him for defeating ALGORE. And they never will.
Roy| 3.1.10 @ 1:49PM
I pretty much agree with this, except, Bush nominated Roberts and Alito, which Nelson Rockefeller would never have done. And unlike spending packages where Bush had to deal with "Republican" majorities(heck, if you go by what the party affiliation of the Senators is now, they had a 51-49 majority 2002-2004 - Lincoln Chafee and Arlen Specter just hadn't admitted they were Democrats yet) for four years, and Democrat majorities the other two - the initiative on that was totally Bush's.
President Bush let a lot of pork get through, as has every president since George Washington, if not King David. That's just what happens in government. But in terms of judges that don't make the law up as they go along-without which any other change is meaningless, since judges can just declare it unconstitutional-Bush did more than anyone, EVER. More than Reagan, who nominated Kennedy and O'Connor; and sure as heck more than George HW("Souter") Bush.
Dustoff| 3.1.10 @ 10:04AM
Picture this.. Former Prez Jimmy Carter and his wife are lying in bed after having a warm glass of milk. Yet something is different, much different. They both have “HUGE” smiles on their faces.
And why you ask. Simple, they both know that Carter’s record as the worse US President is about to trumped by a two bit Senator from Chicago.
Pingback| 3.1.10 @ 10:12AM
The American Spectator : Mr. Obama Repeals the Law of Gravity links to this page. Here’s an excerpt:
Pingback| 3.1.10 @ 10:42AM
The American Spectator : Mr. Obama Repeals the Law of Gravity · Staringfrog.com links to this page. Here’s an excerpt:
birther1957| 3.1.10 @ 11:05AM
A must see video. www.oilforimmigration.org/facts/?p=5672
Franklin| 3.1.10 @ 12:05PM
While he's at it, why doesn't little o repeal E=MC2, Quantim Machanics and the Golden Rule.
Oh wait, he already repealed the Golden Rule ...
Margie| 3.1.10 @ 12:43PM
Repealing gravity makes it so much easier to blame Bush.
victor| 3.1.10 @ 3:10PM
Well then, blaming GW is so much easier than actually doing something.
Anything.
Pingback| 3.1.10 @ 1:29PM
The American Spectator : Mr. Obama Repeals the Law of Gravity Law just to Me links to this page. Here’s an excerpt:
Allan| 3.1.10 @ 1:33PM
Just for clarity's sake, Einstein disproved Newton's gravitational theory about a century ago. Newton's calculations contained numerous errors - but I'd bet Newton's theory is still taught in government schools.
Star Tripper| 3.1.10 @ 2:00PM
Allen, Newton's equations for gravity work well in most cases. It breaks down in extreme circumstances like blackholes and the orbital precession of the planet Mercury. Einstein's Theory of General Relativity explains those instances but when you come back to the more everyday his complex equations reduce down to Newton's.
victor| 3.1.10 @ 3:13PM
General Relativity?
Isn't he the one that is in charge of the repeal of "Donut Ask, Donut Tell?", where only Jelly Donuts will be served for desert?
Truth to Power| 3.1.10 @ 2:34PM
All these so called laws are just models of what happens. If they give good results it is because they predict what will happen within some accuracy. If they are bad models they are not useful. Newton's Laws give great results in almost all applications and are used all the time. Allen, just because they are old doesn't mean they are not good. What kind of conservative would think such a thing?
NavyBrat | 3.1.10 @ 1:35PM
After we've heard, during the campaign, that upon his election, the seas would begin to recede, the true satirical nature of this article is questionable. I'd bet my next 5 paychecks that if Nero thought he could get away with "repealing the laws of gravity," he would. This is a man who hires people who say, "the system worked" in the face of ABJECT FAILURE! This is man who was SO DAMNED smart, earlier on in his metoric rise. He could do no wrong in the eyes of his KoolAid guzzling followers or those who promoted his messianic myth on television. Now, even John Stewart, of all people, is clowning Nero for his use of a teleprompter in a classroom full of 6th graders. The bloom is off the rose. Obama's CHICKENNNNZZZZZZ, are coming home... to ROOST!
This swan dive is better & more funny than anything that will EVER come of the most intense, bong-fuelled writting sessions at SNL. Its a veritable Chinese fire drill. And now that everyone is stabbing everyone else in the back (Rahm vs. The World), its getting even better. There is only one thing that keeps me from laughing too hard. Our country's going down the crapper while these adolescents implode.
David Jack Smith | 3.1.10 @ 2:00PM
Monty Obamathon attempts CPR on Dead Parrot!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=56YMnB_0a3Q
Pingback| 3.1.10 @ 2:10PM
Matt Damon Disappointed With Barack Obama | Showbiz Spy … | Matt Damon Celebrity Moni links to this page. Here’s an excerpt:
Petronius| 3.1.10 @ 3:23PM
AmSpeccie contributors keep harkening to the 17th century. Last time it was Humpty Dumpty. Now it's Newton. Quit barking up the wrong science. The Obamasaur embodies the 17th century politically as an absolute despot and economically as an Leveler in reference to the electorate. All rhetoric aside, the social goals of the Democrat Party are rooted in the Leveler Papers of 1640. And they tell us that reality will be repealed to get their way as the consequences won't affect them. I see one grand remonstrance coming on. And it will be a great deal more than spanking the liberal babies and sending them to bed without supper.
subatomic| 3.1.10 @ 5:41PM
Back in the day, If someone said earth was not the center of the universe, he would not only be laughed at but he would be burnt alive.
Today, if someone says the Newtonian science is limited, and can be surpassed(with proof), the advocates will still laugh and might even murder those whom come across their way$.
Nothing has changed much, has it?
Alicevivi | 3.1.10 @ 11:07PM
Here are many Chinese special products sold online, you can choose them for your friend as the Birthday present or send to your parents. They must feel very surprise.
Dacron Mather| 3.2.10 @ 4:59AM
If Inhofe can dismiss amospheric physics as a hoax, why shouldn't Obama chuck Newton?
Paul Nelson| 3.2.10 @ 10:56PM
Imhofe can say that anthropogenic global warming is a hoax, because AGM quite simply IS a hoax.
Pingback| 3.2.10 @ 7:06AM
RSS agregator » Blog Archive » Thank You So Much Mr. President! links to this page. Here’s an excerpt:
Dein| 3.2.10 @ 10:51AM
dm/Inhofe is dismissing and investigating the political manipulating,hiding, and the hyper-exaggeration of thefacts of the gore led agw scam,hoax,religion of which you seem to be a disciple .
Pingback| 3.2.10 @ 11:46PM
Rebellion News links to this page. Here’s an excerpt:
Pingback| 4.1.10 @ 8:01PM
Martial Law and Interpol – Obama addresses the nation.WMV | World online health revie links to this page. Here’s an excerpt:
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