The American Spectator : Big Al's Antique Roadshow

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Big Al's Antique Roadshow

By Bill Croke on 2.24.10 @ 6:08AM

A veteran GOP tax collector for the welfare state answers President Obama's call.

Some years ago I bumped into Alan Simpson while he was pushing a shopping cart around Albertson's in Cody -- a typical encounter -- and he asked me what I'd been up to lately. I told him that I'd just published a piece in the Weekly Standard.

"Good!" said Alan. "Ann [Mrs. Simpson] gets it".

"Really?" I beamed. "You subscribe to the Weekly Standard?

"Oh, no," Alan said, correcting himself. "She gets the Greybull Standard " -- a weekly newspaper in Ann Simpson's girlhood hometown.

I found this encounter odd, because it gave me the impression that the ex-U.S. Senator (1979-1997) hadn't read or even heard of the Weekly Standard. That's unimportant because who has time to read everything? But maybe he finally picked up on it a couple of years later when it editorialized against the Baker-Hamilton Commission -- the Iraq Study Group, on which he served, and praised him for his astute knowledge of "gas and B.O." Another takeaway for me was that I'd wasted years of writing time in Wyoming by not becoming the star columnist at the Greybull Standard.

As we know, Alan Simpson -- or Big Al, as he's known in Wyoming -- has again answered his country's call (or Barack Obama's anyway) to serve on a "blue ribbon bipartisan commission" to come up with ideas to shrink the huge deficit that that voice on the other end of the line mostly brought on himself. Big Al has a lot of experience with blue ribbons thanks to years of campaigning at Wyoming county fairs, and maybe there's something to a theory that the federal deficit can be likened to a blueberry pie of infinitude, but I'll leave that to the economists.

To quote the economist Yogi Berra, this is a case of déjà vu all over again. It certainly reminds us of the Iraq Study Group, where Big Al was a proponent of "talking to the Iranians," something we've been doing ever since, with the result being their upcoming membership in the nuclear club. Some of the group's recommendations were taken seriously by President Bush, but he mostly thanked them for their time and service, and set the well-known successful "surge" in motion.

Big Al's latest political American Idol moment pairs him with Clinton-hack Erskine Bowles, and -- as sportswriters say -- a Congressional bipartisan team to be named later. I needn't bore TAS readers with details of the outcome of this (they probably read the Wall Street Journal too), which will probably call for minor spending cuts and a healthy tax hike for the middle class. Unlike President Bush, President Obama will heartily endorse the recommendations of this latest commission and congratulate those involved for a job well done.

In the last few days, Big Al and his evil-if-much-shorter twin Erskine have been saturating the broadcast media as they make the case for mucking out Obama's fiscal stables in the interests of "the grandkids." All the classical Simpsonian rhetorical skills are on display as Wyoming's Sagebrush Cicero lambastes the "bitchers, and the whiners, and the snorters." I hope the grandkids are kept away from the TV when Big Al outlines the upcoming scary attacks employed by entities known as "Rush-babes." And if the AARP jumps in it'll really get ugly.

Big Al's political career is interesting, in that while hailing from one of the most culturally conservative states in the country, he has always been at best a moderate. For instance, during his Senate career he was pro-choice on abortion, pro-gay rights, and pro-immigration reform. Early on, Big Al, following the example of his father Milward's political career (more later), tapped into Wyoming's (and other Western states whose outgoing federal tax revenues were paltry ) kneejerk bipartisan tradition of the pork barrel, which said to Washington: Build us dams, roads and bridges, charge our ranchers cheap fees to graze cattle on federal land, but otherwise leave us alone. Can't you see that we're rugged Marlboro Man individualist conservatives? Just leave the money and go away. Oh, and if that new Yellowstone superintendent doesn't straighten up, we'll see to it that he's transferred to the Dry Tortugas.

Simpsons have been involved in Wyoming's public life for over a century, ever since trial lawyer and granddad William Simpson yucked-it-up with Butch Cassidy when the latter was a guest of the Fremont County Jail in Lander for "horsetrading." Bill Simpson also killed man in a duel (a combination brawl and gunfight) in Cody and was acquitted for self-defense. Bill begat Milward, who went to Harvard Law School and served as Wyoming's governor (1955-1959), and then in the U.S. Senate (1962-1967). Milward was a fearless guy, who once campaigned in Rock Springs -- a notoriously tough mining town full of unionized Democrats -- and as he stepped from the car was greeted by a shower of tomatoes and other vegetable products. Milward was also a Goldwater guy, and was one of six Republicans to vote against the Civil Rights Act of 1964 on constitutional grounds. He is small footnote in American literary history because he unsuccessfully tried to derail President Kennedy's nomination of Edmund Wilson for a Presidential Medal of Freedom. Wilson was previously in trouble with the IRS for exercising his freedom to not pay his taxes (A book resulted: The Cold War and the Income Tax --1964). What with the writing of Patriotic Gore and other books, and his nightly investigations of multiple tumblers of whiskey, the great critic simply forgot to file. And the fourth generation goes forward as Alan's son Colin -- the Speaker of the Wyoming House of Representatives -- contemplates a run for the governor's office this fall.

Alan Simpson has served his state and his country in admirable ways for most of his life. His post-Senate career is known for public accessibility and the support of good causes. He's a major benefactor of the University of Wyoming. He's a colorful American original who's done great things with self-effacing wit, panache, and -- to employ a barnyard metaphor -- quite a bit of what emanates from the south end of a bull. But in light of his recent involvement with the precarious fiscal health of the Republic, he's nothing more than a tool of Obama and the Democrats. "Flinty" (Obama's quote) Big Al's late-in-life political vaudeville act is wearing thin. He must recall some sound advice from his father that still eerily applies to his post-Senate life: "Get out before they throw you out."

Time to go wet a line in the South Fork, Al.

topics:
Alan Simpson, Deficit Commission, Wyoming

About the Author

Bill Croke, formerly of Cody, Wyoming, is a writer in Salmon, Idaho.

Letter to the Editor View all comments (53) | Leave a comment

jack| 2.24.10 @ 6:25AM

Wasn't Erskine on the board of directors of Krispy Kreme when its man was cooking the books? I remember Pogo was also on the BOD.
As members of the Clinton adm went into private industry I shorted the stocks of the companies they joined. Fast Franky Raines went Fannie, Rubin went to C,and Pogo and Ersky were on BOD of KK. Sweet. Crooks or incompetent? We will never know

Alan Brooks| 2.24.10 @ 7:39PM

We need higher taxes so more prisons can be built to house retired attorneys.

Ret. Marine| 2.24.10 @ 6:39AM

and here comes another "tool" from the little o's box of tricks. This whole episode is yet another deflection of the little o's direct involvement in the destruction of the financial stability of our Country.
This is how stupid the little o thinks we are. After having voted for the destruction of our financial system while in the senate, and later to pen his fraudulent signature to the giant porkulus bill, he now touts another tool out of the box to deflect his involvement of said destruction, and he thinks We the People are the stupid ones.
The only thing worse than a lieing politician, is a lieing president. Where did those impeachment papers go anyway?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news but, how about a little suggestion for the crew at the black-house, how about "STOP THE FRICKEN SPENDING you fricken moron. Take all those gubmint workers you've hired in the past year and put them on the unemployment line with the rest of the American workers you have created and save a little of that hot air for your impending impeachment. Dear God, it's getting harder and harder to contain this hatred for one your sons, the little o.

Sir| 2.24.10 @ 8:38AM

Semper Fi, Sir. I second that emotion, and Amen.

Kitty| 2.24.10 @ 7:15AM

Yee gads, another geezer politician who can't leave the vaudeville stage. Someone grab the hook.
...

Bill Hussein O'Stalin| 2.24.10 @ 7:31AM

Politicians like the following two groups: Those who are good at picking people's pockets and those who don't realize their pockets are being picked.

TennesseeVolunteer| 2.24.10 @ 7:43AM

These are two of the fools that spent the social Security money. One of the bigger reason we are in such a mess. I worry greatly about the kids and Grandkids paying too many taxes but every adult and Baby boomer in this country have been paying into Social Security all of their lives. I don't have a boomer friend who thinks they will get any part of social security, or if they do that it will be taxed so highly that they won't receive a bit of it.
Smaller governmen NOW!
Nov. 2, 2010...our Independence day.

ds80| 2.24.10 @ 9:11AM

Nov 2, 2010: Time to refresh the Tree of Liberty.

martine| 2.24.10 @ 7:51AM

VAT here we come.

martin j smith| 2.24.10 @ 8:09AM

Its a Rino who is exposed. The Republican Party ( if any ) should not participate in this charade andi in fact openly oppose it now.
One more thing: Big Al--as he is known -DEMOCRAT LEFT.

Melvin| 2.24.10 @ 8:24AM

This is so funny is could be construed as stupid. Martine eluded to that the Simpsonsaurus will somewhere along the line suggest a VAT and of course they'll be an crisis of some kind that will cause it to sail through the legislative drafting.
Rumor has it that the National Sales Tax will have to be around 20% for it to be effective of putting dent in the spending and debt.
The problem is that state and local governments are raising taxes exponentially, the free enterprise market is having to raise their prices of their products to cover the added cost of doing business, energy prices are getting ready to go for a ride on the space shuttle and could someone please tell me where we are going to get the 20% to cover the VAT.
For the last five years Americans have cut back and then some, there is no additional or disposal
income to squeeze out of the consumer . The states already have sucked that what was left dry.
so I guess the only thing that is left is confiscating peoples retirement incomes and pension plans, that is the only reserve that consumers who are lucky enough to have them have left, everything else is tapped out.

Shamus| 2.24.10 @ 8:24AM

Simpson is responsible for a lot of our current problems. Back in the 80's he sponsored a bill that opened US to massive immigration from Mexico. The money spent on medical care and education for illegal aliens has added to our huge debt burden. Simpson is pretty much entirely useless so far as I can see.

Smitty| 2.24.10 @ 6:33PM

Massive illegal immigration destroyed California; along with ACORN's dirty tricks, of course.

That's just ONE of the reasons I detest RINOs.

Cris Worth| 2.24.10 @ 9:10AM

Clinton has no political coattails and the citizens of the Tarheel state proved that once again. Bowles tried but failed twice to win a senate seat in North Carolina. Simpson is just another longline of GOP closet liberals to serve in the senate. His most infamous act 9/26/96 Vote 301: H R 1833: shall h.r.1833 pass over the veto of the President of the U.S.?; Partial-Birth Abortion Ban Act of 1995. Just needing one more vote to override Clinton's veto Simpson voted no.

Kit Winterer| 2.24.10 @ 9:15AM

This guy turns my stomach. . . I've never seen him when he wasn't trying with all his might to be funny. Well, Al, this topic is serious and we need a serious
conservative to try to get the 'RATs to stop bleeding our assets. You are not the guy no matter how many animal anecdotes you tell!

Indiana Alex| 2.24.10 @ 9:17AM

If "Bob" weren't playing in goal today for the US Olympic hockey team he would lecture us on how real conservatives should always favor raising taxes.

TURK| 2.24.10 @ 9:28AM

Alan Simpson always coveted the stage front! That's why he used all the colorful language over the years. It got his bald headed ,big earred(maybe thats what he likes about BHO) puss in front of the cameras. He loved the country club repubs(bushes- rockefeller, et al,) and unlike his daddy, probably never was too hot for Goldwater/Reagan. It took a long time for this great nation to sink from the greatness of the Reagan 80's to this moment. Simpson; the bushes and the other country clubbers got us here. Simpson's cooperation with the big O is par for the course for the CC's. (Remember daddy bush's line as he was given the Presidency by RR("Now we will have a kinder gentler society.") Kinda like the kid's 'compassionate conservatism'.

Simpson and his ilk have brought us to this moment of great danger, and it taint funny Magee'.

Richard Baker| 2.24.10 @ 9:44AM

Maybe he and that famous Kansan Bob Dole can meet at Dole's Watergate home and Elizabeth, from North Carolina, can be the gracious hostess. These clowns, regardless of Party, seem to believe that the country just CAN'T get on without them and so they endlessly stay or return to Washington to inflict themselves upon us. Go Home!

Anthony| 2.24.10 @ 10:12AM

Unfortunately, Wyoming's own Will Rogers, (or so he thinks he is) cannot bring himself to tell Obama what he can do with his commission. Commissions that Obama himself ridiculed as the favorite cowardly devise of gutless politicians.
Hey Al, here's your report, you can send it to Obama right now and save us taxpayers $ millions.
1) CUT SPENDING/ ELIMINATE FEDERAL WORKERS & BUREAUCRACIES.
2) CUT TAXES AND REGULATIONS.
3) LEAVE THE PRIVATE SECTOR ALONE.
Now you can send the bill to Obama. Not a bad day's work, er Al?

Oldefarte| 2.24.10 @ 10:24AM

BIG AL is but one of a long line of [both Democrats and Republicans] who were elected by their constituents, went to Washington DC, and flushed his constituents DOWN THE TOILET by being involved in legislation that INCREASED the governmental budget. They all never [let me repeat NEVER] pass legislation that DECREASES the budget, and therin lies the problem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Derek Leaberry| 2.24.10 @ 11:05AM

President Obama chose wisely. For Alan Simpson, there are no enemies to his left. All his enemies are to his right as when he viciously attacked Jesse Helms when Helms rightly fought a raise in the gas tax in 1983. So Simpson will inevitably support some sort of consumption or VAT tax when this commission gives its report. When conservatives attack the concept of tax increases, Simpson will condemn the conservatives to the delight of the New York Times, the Washington Post, ABC, CBS, ABC, the Democratic Party and President Obama. This scenario is as predictable as Lucy pulling the football from Charlie Brown.

pugsley| 2.24.10 @ 3:22PM

About 90 days ago when the economic numbers just couldn't be denied I said I smell a blue ribbon panel coming on and low and behold here we are. We all know what will come from this kabuki dance and no one is hold his or her breath waiting on wonderful outcomes. We are on an express elevator to hell if we don't get the ship of state righted and quickly and it is shaping up to be a deadline of Nov '10.

JP| 2.24.10 @ 3:44PM

So, both Congress and the WH execute one of thier most important duties as written in the Constitution -namely forge a budget and set tax priorities. Again, the Obama Oval Office would rather outsource than face the political heat. And Congress has no problem with that.

This is purely sickening; essientially, the Democrats are admitting that they can no longer govern. And what if the commission reccomends a VAT system be put in place? Do the individual members of Congress actually believe that they voters will left them off the hook? Funny how we don't hear one peep of complaint from the GOP.

To be a leader is to take risks. The Beltway is so addicted to spending increases that it can no longer function without the,. A true leader, or a party filled wiht leaders would take the risks and begin to radically trim our budgets. reform entitlements (esp Social Security and Medicare). The pain inflicted now will be nothing like the pain to come. Events will soon catch up to us (take a gander at Greece to get a glimpse), and when our financial system lays in chaos and ruin, we will be screaming, "Why didn't Congress and the President warn us?"

Dave | 2.24.10 @ 3:59PM

"Veteran tax collector for the welfare state."

That says all you need to know about Al Simpson.

David| 2.24.10 @ 4:41PM

Voters (independents and conservatives) need to start paying attention to the candidates early in the primaries in every race and in every election cycle. The reason we end up with RINO's such as Simpson, McCain, and Hutchison is because voters allow a small minority of voters to choose who the candidate will be in the general elections. That is why we end up with so many RINO's as candidates, which puts us in the position of having to vote for the lesser of two evils. McCain should never have been our presidential candidate.

With early involvement and choosing the true conservative candidates in the primaries we can certainly win against the dems in the general elections. The Florida senate race is a good example. Gov. Crist was far ahead of Rubio in the polls six months ago; Crist had millions more than Rubio; Crist has the backing of the republican establishment; Crist HAD the name recognition; and probably had other advantages that come with being the governor. Nevertheless, the voters paid attention early, and Rubio will likely be the repub nominee rather than RINO Crist.
We can hope for the same result in Arizona with the McCain versus J. D. Hayworth primary.

We we always have some RINO's in the party, but they should be confined to the northeast and maybe California. But there is no way that RINO's should be able to get the nominations in Wyoming (Simpson), Texas (Hutchison), Arizona (McCain), Florida (Crist), Carolina (Lindsey Graham. In other words, it is possible to keep the RINO's to such a few that they will have no influence and will have to follow the conservative lead.

WilliamInWien| 2.24.10 @ 6:06PM

Too many old politicians are just like too many old heavyweight boxers, they do not know when to quit! What is the "shelf life" of the average Blue Ribbon Report? Certainly less than tea. We are going to have decades of similar stunts if we keep electing young candidates who will be "available" much too long after their star has dimmed. Even "generals" hang around too long, such as Powell and Clark. It is OK, I am over 60 years of age! No discrimination here.

John II| 2.25.10 @ 12:10AM

Like everyone else, I'm worried about the unspeakable economic troubles my grandkids are going to face if we don't take back Congress this year, put Professor Obama and his handlers out to pasture by 2012, and gather enough support and resolve to clean up the mess.

But even if all this happens, and long after I've cashed in my chips, my kids and grandkids are inescapably stuck with a culture dominated by years and years of the Professor's "availability" in the manner of Carter and Clinton. The gasbag will not opt for a quiet and dignified retirement.

Oh well, I guess the gruesome prospect will at least keep them free of the moral servitude that comes with placing too much trust in this valley of tears.

I shall have bequeathed to them not only my faith but my huge collection of reliable old movies. That should help. And now back to the Marx Brothers.

But even if

John II| 2.25.10 @ 12:13AM

Ignore the ghostly second " But even if."

The Clintidote| 2.24.10 @ 6:22PM

A principled party would throw this statist old coot out on his ass and loudly disown him.

Goppers like power too much to ever do that, though.

Radioman777| 2.25.10 @ 1:18AM

Alan Simpson demonstrates yet again that he has absolutely no brain whatsoever. The term doddering old fool most readily comes to mind.

Kevin Riley O'Keeffe| 2.25.10 @ 2:57AM

Alan Simpson: He has a wide stance.

Brian B| 2.25.10 @ 1:45PM

I must confess I've never understood the rationale of protecting the nation's grandkids by impoverishing their grandparents through taxation.
But at least Simpson is pretty entertaining while he's collecting the welfare state's taxes.

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