The American Spectator : Getting (Up) There

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Getting (Up) There

By Ben Stein from the February 2010 issue

Going to Kansas City -- when I was 64. Excerpts from Ben's monthly diary.

Friday
Nightmare of travel. I started out this afternoon in Little Rock, Arkansas. I spoke last night in Conway, very near Little Rock, at a fabulous place called the University of Central Arkansas. It was a perfect event, with friendly locals at a dinner with the president of the university at his home. Then I gave a speech and signed autographs and it was all a lot of fun.

I went back to my wonderful hotel, the Capital, as good a hotel as there is on the planet, and rendezvoused with my wife, who had been dining with her extended family, all Arkansans. We had a late-night snack and then off to sleep and then I went to the airport.

That was when the nightmare began. There was a modest rain, and somehow that made the airplanes late. This was a problem because my travel called for me to fly to Dallas, then double back to fly to Kansas City. My speech was early in the morning so if I missed my connection in Dallas, I would miss the speech, to an important group, the American Society of Civil Engineers.

I got scared and decided to get a car and driver to take me to KC. On the map it didn’t look that bad. I figured it would take six or seven hours. I called the limo company and they said they had a highly experienced driver who knew the route in the dark.

I waited an hour and there in the luggage claim area of the airport appeared a rumpled man in livery who happily told me he would be my driver. He walked uncertainly towards his beat-up-looking Lincoln Town Car and off we went. I asked him several times if he were sure he knew the way.

“What are you?” he asked. “Jew? Greek? Italian?”

“I’m Jewish, as you well know,” I said. “Do you know the way to Kansas City?”

“Of course,” he said.

Okay. I’ll make this short and sweet. He didn’t know the way. He was the most race-conscious person I ever met. Almost at once he started baiting me about being Jewish. He told me repeatedly about the superiority of black religious practice. It was as if I had Al Sharpton in the car with me. He got lost in the dark in the hills and hollers of Northern Arkansas. He took us 40 miles out of our way. His car only had one headlight and the brakes were pitiful. He had no GPS. HE HAD NO IDEA OF HOW TO GET TO KANSAS CITY. He had a pitiful map he had stitched together from Google and kept taking his eyes off the road to read it or try to read it.

He made fun of my hero, Martin Luther King, Jr. He belittled and mocked my history of demonstrating for civil rights for blacks and my free legal work for them in New Haven.

For the last four hours of the nine-hour trip, he preached at me in his imitation of a black preacher--his preacher--about my iniquitous ways and how I was destined for damnation.

It was only by constant prayer and by the miracle of my little built-in GPS in my Verizon Voyager that I got through the night. Only because of the Verizon GPS were we able to find my hotel, the fantastic Marriott in downtown KC.

Still, because he had worked so hard, if so fecklessly, I gave him an immense tip and paid for a room for him at my hotel. He never thanked me. Wow, was I glad to get to my room, where the thoughtful ASCE people had set out a tea maker and herbal tea and honey. For a long time, I was too jacked up to sleep.

That man, taking me through the night, promising he knew the way, lying about all of it....well, you can guess who he reminded me of. I won’t even say it.

I hasten to add that these are just my opinions and I am sure the man has many good points and many faithful friends and fans. And his emphasis on defining everyone and everything in terms of race was what really bothered me the most, naturally. Well, good luck to him anyway.

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About the Author

Ben Stein is a writer, actor, economist, and lawyer living in Beverly Hills and Malibu. He writes "Ben Stein's Diary" for every issue of The American Spectator.

Letter to the Editor View all comments (27) | Leave a comment

Melvin| 2.15.10 @ 7:49AM

Your only as old as your brain tells you, you are.

laurie gross| 2.15.10 @ 1:50PM

Ben...if you ever get stuck in Indianapolis, and need a ride.....I will be more than happy to take a day off, and quietly drive you to where you need to go. I am sorry you are feeling old. I think you are wise, and funny and an exceptional human being and it would be my honor to get you where you need to be, without comment. You have always been on my late husband and my fantasy dinner party guest list...because we always want to hear what you have to say!!!

Alan Brooks| 2.16.10 @ 12:08AM

I would have yelled,
"SHO NUFF" over and over, once he started the jive.
Jive unto others as they Jive unto you.

Norman Conquest| 2.15.10 @ 10:06AM

Instead of giving that racist scumbag a tip you should have reported him to the state police and whatever passes for a taxi commission in Arkansas.
It's time we stopped taking this abuse from bigoted vermin like this. Get over your white guilt and report this cretin!

gearjammer| 2.15.10 @ 10:26AM

Just keep doing what you are doing. Connecting with people who matter outside the celebrity world. You are still too kind and gentle when it comes to Hollywood and the big shot media crowd. They've polluted and tried to destroy anything decent in our nation. And that limo driver, he was being indoctrinated the day he was born, tv, movies, his church, music, the democrats,media, etc. He'll never read a thing you write, watch you, or sit down and have a real talk with you. The left has done a number on him and many many others.

Seek| 2.15.10 @ 11:31AM

Welcome to reality, Ben. No matter how much we "reach out" to the blacks, they will never reciprocate. Their racial grievances, no matter how exaggerated or imagined, always will kick in as a default setting. You should have hitchhiked rather than listen to his abusive tirade.

As for Mr. Gearjammer, get a grip: "Hollywood" did not make blacks the way they are. They always will think the way they do regardless whether the new film at the multiplex stars Denzel Washington or Harrison Ford.

e.m.l.| 2.15.10 @ 2:34PM

Mr. Stein said he "doesn't care for racists of any race."
If you mean all blacks, you can't very well be a true admirer of Ben Stein.

Jack Bailey| 2.15.10 @ 2:53PM

I can't believe you wrote that! My daughter-in-law is black and comes from a large family with very conservative values. If any of them had been in Ben Stein's shoes in Arkansas, they would have given that driver a big piece of their mind.
You sound like the type that gives conservatives a bad name. Please keep your anti black paranoia to yourself.

Seek| 2.15.10 @ 6:28PM

OK, Jack. So why don't more "conservative" blacks give that cab driver type a good piece of their mind? Why do the good ones always seem to remain silent come crunch time?

As for me, I had four black roommates back in the day; I've got nothing against blacks as individuals. It's a different story as a collective entity, however. Most -- not all, but certain a great many -- nurse major irrational grievances against whites. Politically speaking, they are a disaster.

Paranoia? I call it massive amounts of experience. I'm glad Ben Stein recently acquired a first-hand lesson in KC.

Alan Brooks| 2.15.10 @ 11:52PM

"If any of them had been in Ben Stein's shoes in Arkansas, they would have given that driver a big piece of their mind."

Mixed metaphors:
in his shoes
piece of mind

Nate| 2.15.10 @ 4:23PM

'Seek' has all the markings of a liberal troll.

Duked| 2.15.10 @ 2:23PM

Come on Ben! Tipping and graciously getting him a room did nothing but assure his terrible behavior for his next customer. I agree with Norman.... I would have reported him to the appropriate authority and told him I was doing so before I left this ungrateful racist idiot.

ACM| 2.15.10 @ 2:43PM

Ben:

Sorry about your trip to Kansas City, we truly enjoyed your time with us here at the University of Central Arkansas. If you're ever stuck in this part of the world again, let us know, we'll find you a professional driver. Be safe and stay young. Allen

Locomotive Breath| 2.15.10 @ 3:25PM

This was founded as a Christian country with belief in God as the bedrock. We will not survive without that belief as a general part of this land. Tolerance for all who keep the peace, but no more atheism as the national religion and no more coddling of terrorists out of political correctness.
--------
Says the guy who spent his birthday being offended at and passing judgment on the views of others.

Jim O'Brien| 2.15.10 @ 3:52PM

I've never met anyone quite like Ben's driver. But there were certain blacks in the Army in Vietnam who clearly hated me (a white guy in a position of authority relative to them). One threatened me with a knife, but backed off, so I "forgot about it". Another threatened to kill me with his M-16 pointed in my face screaming, "I'm going to kill you!" I made him shoot back at the enemy instead of hiding behind a sandbag at 3 a.m. The latter was court-martialed. Then there was the time walking in Manhattan, Morningside Park, when I was the target of rocks and bottles from Harlem. I guess, looking back, they were all "hate crimes".

John Navratil| 2.15.10 @ 5:04PM

Kinds makes you wonder what a "love crime" is?

Alan Brooks| 2.15.10 @ 11:04PM

"Melvin| 2.15.10 @ 7:49AM
Your only as old as your brain tells you, you are."

So if you are lying on your deathbed hallucinating you are at the Senior Prom, you're only as old as your brain tells you you are?

'Nurse, let me go, I have to meet Fonzi at Al's Diner!'

Alan Brooks| 2.15.10 @ 11:57PM

...I'm not putting down Ben, as he is dignified.
But how embarrassing that the Rolling Stones will be in their '70s in a couple of years:

"tell the roadie to put Metamucil in Mick's Ensure."

Tom of the Missouri| 2.16.10 @ 2:00AM

Ben,

You owe the guy from Alabama an apology for apparently assuming his "Stitches on the Fastball" metaphor had something to do with racism. The phrase simply means he can see something that is hard for most people to see. He was simply saying that he could see the real Obama before the election, which if polls are any guide, was a skill many people lacked prior to the election. If a batter in baseball can see the rotation of the stitches on the ball , which is a very fast moving object, he can better guess what type of pitch is coming and increase his chances of getting a hit. This is harder to do on a fastball, since the time to see it is shortened. You might also apologize to all the people of Alabama since the fact he was from Alabama seems to be the only possible fact that you had to assume he might be a racist.

I suppose such and assumption can be expected from an elitist guy from Beverly Hills, but is still pretty shameful. I am not much of a sports guy, but I guess I know this because I was a once long ago a pitcher for my high school baseball team.

And believe it or not,like the guy from Alabama, I am a great fan of yours, too. Please just try to not automatically assume that your fans from flyover country are automatically racist. I am sorry to hear of your nightmarish cab ride. I had one like that a few years ago in Manhattan. I just thought the guy was crazy.

QuietPro| 2.16.10 @ 8:17PM

Ben is totally correct that this nation MUST stop coddling terrorists and court-martialing our special operations forces out of fear of Political Correctness. Spot on, Mr. Stein.

However, his constant assaults on Atheism leave him looking quite foolish. This is evidenced in his recent film, as well.

Stop assuming that a belief in God is the nation's only path to salvation. We Americans face enough religious fanaticism here in the Middle East without needing to worry about it back home......

Tom in Michigan| 2.16.10 @ 9:03PM

Well, Ben. I hope you live another 65 years. I don't know what we'd do without you. As for thinking yourself old because we've become a nation of fools who coddle instead of destroy our existential enemies; I wish we could all have such clarity.

JCfromDC| 2.26.10 @ 9:05PM

You're not getting old, you just have it all figured out. That's called maturity, there's a difference. I came to most of those conclusions already, tho' I'm 10 years younger. When are you going to bring back "Ben Stein's Money"?

jgreene| 3.13.10 @ 10:20PM

Ben, I'm a year older than you and I can't believe I'm this age "already". But you're not old YET. Stay, healthy in mind and body and continue to write and think and love.

You're an amazingly good person, Ben Stein. That black driver was an incredibly, insufferable, ignorant assh*le. I would never had the goodness to treat him as well as you did.

L| 3.27.10 @ 11:55PM

Ben Stein, I love you so much. I am so grateful you are in this country, and that God has given you a voice to imact it. You express what's best about America in such a fabulous way. You really love this country, and you display its lovliness in the very way you speak about that love. And that love is not blind nationalism, but love for the universal ideals on which it stands.

Everyone I care about I want to know Jesus...So I hope that you know him. I don't know if you do...But I hope you know him now or will later. His Hebrew name is Yeshua. He is the Pesach lamb of God. I hope you will be there with us when He comes again and renews the earth. God bless you my friend!

www.sunglass-mall.com| 4.6.10 @ 2:14AM

You won't have to worry about having your sunglass merchandise to gather dust on its display racks waiting for the summer season to commence www.sunglass-mall.com

Nathan| 2.5.11 @ 12:34PM

We never know or be given a choice by God when it is born into this world to choose a particular race.
Therefore, mutual respect and maintain good relations with each other.