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Last Call
Born to Lose
The likely winners of this year’s Super Bowl made sure it won’t be a big game.
You’ve probably noticed that the one criticism that drives Obama defenders up the wall is when their idol is called “skinny.” It can’t help that he vacations along Hawaii’s beaches, where if you’re skinny and not a surfer — which he isn’t — you’re likely to be thought of as a 90 pound weakling, not exactly the best image to reinforce a foreign policy that already invites the rest of the world to kick sand in America’s face. It certainly didn’t help when Obama gave up his soft game of basketball for golf — just as Tiger Woods turned the sport into a national joke if not a replacement for spin the bottle.
One wonders how Katie Roiphe would assay the Obama-Woods dichotomy. She is the writer who launched her New Year with a major attack in the New York Times on the younger crop of American male novelists for the utter unvirility of their sex scenes as compared to those of the Great Male Novelists Updike, Roth, Mailer, and Bellow. For steam heat these days she’s having to rely on women and gay writers.
I take it Roiphe is not a fan of football, though there too she’d have lots to chew on and plenty that she’d find disturbing. If in her view the male greats wrote about sex in order to “defeat death,” as she put it, I suppose she’d concur that men revel in the most brutal of sports for the same reason. President Obama is commander in chief, yes, but can anyone imagine him coaching football? Perhaps at places like the University of Kansas and Texas Tech, which recently canned their coaches for alleged mistreatment of players. But would anyone ever compare him to the Washington Redskins’ longtime offensive line coach Joe Bugel, a passionate, profane, and loyal man whose boss recently praised him for doing all he could to prepare his charges “for the violence of this game”?
In its documentary series on the American Football League’s 50th anniversary last fall, the Showtime network likened the old AFL’s dynamism and creativity to that of the space program. In 1969 both succeeded spectacularly; Joe Namath’s Jets won the Super Bowl and man walked on the moon. And whereas the space program soon fizzled, professional football continued to reach for the stars, surpassing baseball as America’s game by light years with every passing year. It wasn’t until this past season that this race toward infinity revealed it has limits after all.
For most players and teams, getting to and winning a Super Bowl is the main goal. Indianapolis’s Colts did just that three seasons ago. This time they had a chance to top that, and through 14 games found themselves undefeated. It brought to mind the New England Patriots’ epic season of 2006-7, in which they went a record 18-0 before losing in the Super Bowl in the final minute. Regardless, it’s a season that will forever be talked about. And the Colts? They’ll be remembered for unilaterally disarming, for staring immortality in the eye and flinching. Once home field advantage for the playoffs was clinched, the team’s management and head coach pulled the plug on their key players, all so that the latter might stay “healthy” and “rested” for the playoffs, a perfect season and competitive pride be damned. As it happened, the Colts went on to lose both of their final regular season games, ending at a disappointing 14-2.
Perhaps thanks to its great quarterback Peyton Manning and resourceful defense, the team will recover from the ultimate insult to its dignity and fight its way to victory in this year’s Super Bowl. And its reward? A White House audience with President Obama, no doubt, and perhaps a friendly game of croquet on the South Lawn. Immortality will be nowhere to be found.
About the Author
Wlady Pleszczynski is editorial director of The American Spectator and the editor of AmSpec Online.
Letter to the Editor View all comments (71) | Leave a comment
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PCC| 2.5.10 @ 6:25AM
I'm no football expert, but I've placed a couple of bets on the Saints (with the spread, of course!) precisely because of my disdain for the Colts' regular season decision to pull their punches. I also think it may indicate a lack of character in the organization that might make itself apparent in the big game.
Go Saints!
Alan Brooks| 2.5.10 @ 11:54PM
Ah, there will never be another Superbowl like '69. Namath said "I guarantee we will win"
Now there was a futurist to put Toffler and Newt to shame.
Tex Expatriate| 2.6.10 @ 5:16PM
Don't forget the stomping Hank Stram and his Chiefs administered to an arrogant Joe Kapp and the Minnesota Vikings! Or the fact that in the first few years of Super Bowls the lowly AFL/C stomped most old-line NFL teams.
Alan Brooks| 2.7.10 @ 12:19AM
"...Chiefs administered to an arrogant Joe Kapp and the Minnesota Vikings! Or the fact that in the first few years of Super Bowls the lowly AFL/C stomped most old-line NFL teams..."
'69 was the first time the AFL won-- after the two Packer victories. So it was about 40 years later the Chiefs beat Vikings?
Can't keep up with all the Superbowls, there've been 42 of them. Maybe I'm not conservative, just retro-- wish it were '69 still. There is nothing new under the Sun.
It's all been done.
Alan Brooks| 2.7.10 @ 10:31PM
no, #43, and the Saints just won #44.
#45 is in Arlington TX.
Don't pack your valise just yet.
au contraire| 2.8.10 @ 10:30AM
'old line' afl teams won exactly 7 of the first 31 super bowls and now stand 13 for 44.
the steelers and colts and ravens are 'old line' nfl teams.
Mick Lee| 2.5.10 @ 7:08AM
Oh, come now, Wlady. It's 13-2 and not 14-2. I know because of all the screaming and much gnashing of teeth for not going all all the way here in Hoosierland.
But "the New England Patriots' epic season of 2006-7...will forever be talked about"? Who? Those cheatin' sleeze bags who electronicly snooped in on their opponent's plans? That jackass couch who won't shake the other couch's hand after losing the game? As I remember, the Colts took their date home from the party.
Hoosierland knows that The Colts can win the next five Super Bowls and no one in the major media will be talking about "immortality". After the Colts won the playoff game against the Jets, all the media talked about was all the brillant moves the Jets made even though (minor detail) they lost.
Indianapolis will settle for a different kind of immortality. Maybe Peyton Manning will get into that mean game of croquet with President Obama. But Peyton is too much of a gentleman to crush his President in front of everybody and the world. Manning may even have the grace to let the President win. Hoosiers will know what he would be doing: Honor and self-respect.
ExPat| 2.5.10 @ 9:37PM
13-2? I don't get it.
John Rich | 2.5.10 @ 10:18PM
Mick Lee: sorry, but where's the "honor and self-respect" when the team was taken, in the dead of night, from Baltimore on March 28, 1984?
The Colts have done well, and Archie's son Peyton is probably the only QB in the league today who can (and likely does) call his own plays.
The Colts are true pros, an are led by the man who is arguably the best in the league among active players. For these reasons, I'll root for the Colts and forgive their betrayal of Baltimore.
Mick Lee| 2.8.10 @ 7:08AM
Mr. Rich: Baltimore has been sore losers for lo these 21 years. Most of the Colts players were in grade school and had never played for Baltimore. Yet that doesn't stop Baltimore fans--many of whom never saw the Colts play for Baltimore--harp and gripe whenever The Colts play the Ravens. Which brings up another subject, the indignantly of losing the Colts didn't stop Baltimore from stealing Cleveland's Browns. Did it?
Darin| 2.5.10 @ 7:13AM
If the Colts had played it out and Manning had gone down, the same people would be calling for Caldwell's head. They would ask why Manning was still in the game when home field throughout the playoffs had been secured. Pro football teams have one goal at the start of the season - win the Super Bowl. The Colts are still working toward that goal. Most NFL teams have failed in that goal. Each and every play can result in a career-ending injury, in particular to the quarterback as the entire defense is after him. Ankles, knees, shoulders, elbows, hands, fingers, hips, chest, neck, head, and more are all vulnerable spots. Unless you are a part-owner of the team, you have no right to say the Colts should have played out the season because you do not have a personal vested interest. While I would love to see a team go all the way undefeated just to shut up the 72 Dolphins, I have to respect any decisions made by teams because it is THEIR decision to make.
ggoblue| 2.5.10 @ 7:15AM
wlady you are spot on...and mick lee...you need to get out of indiana once in a while. just sayin.
Revival Farm | 2.5.10 @ 7:47AM
That does it. This is the kind of lame prose one expects from SI or or any other lib rag, not the AS. To link Peyton Manning, who has actually done something great with his life, with our current boil-in-chief, and to throw in nostrums about what makes a post-modern lady writer aroused, is fatuous. Go do something heroic with your life and come back and tell us about it. Or go join the losers on the sidelines complaining about Bible verses aimed at your salvation.
Bill Hussein O'Stalin| 2.5.10 @ 8:08AM
Obama has picked the Saints which may be the kiss of death for them. However, if the Colts beat the Saints, will Obama refer to them as retarded or stupid? Will there be a beer fest on the lawn in February? Or will they see each other in warmer climes, at taxpayer expense of course, as Obama and the winning team head to Hawaii at taxpayer's expense, similar to the recent trip to Copenhagen by Nancy Pelosi and her gaggle of hangers on. Or, would they stay in the Florida area and Obama could claim victory and also do some politicking for Crist to turn back the tide against Rubio.
I'm sure it would be a blast for all those involved no matter whether Obama flies to Florida or Hawaii or has the team flown to DC because as Nancy Pelosi stated, "It's not a plane, it's a ride."
With big events like the Super Bowl sycophants can forget their pledges about alleged global warming and can join the rest of us in spewing out great amounts of carbon needed to watch the Super Bowl on our flat screen TV's.
Enjoy!
michigander_sandusky| 2.5.10 @ 8:22AM
Barry couldn't pick a winner of jacks. Hence, Colts by 7. BTW: by not going undefeated the Colts removed a huge bullseye from their back...brilliant.
Ryan| 2.5.10 @ 8:31AM
Whatever, people.
WHO DAT!
Dennis Bergendorf| 2.5.10 @ 8:51AM
To PCC.... please, please PM me and we'll arrange a modest bet. The notion that the Colts suffer from some character flaw is absurd. This is possibly the best-run organization in all of sports. And by the way, I may live in Indiana, but I don't bleed Blue!
Curly Smith| 2.5.10 @ 9:05AM
Has anybody asked the Patriots whether they'd rather have an undefeated *regular* season or an undefeated *postseason* and another Super Bowl trophy?
I'm betting that they'd rather have the Super Bowl trophy but I'm not a sportswriter. I wouldn't write "For most players and teams, getting to and winning a Super Bowl is the main goal." and then castigate a team for not living up to my "team of destiny" expectations. Again, talk to the Patriots about that undefeated *regular* season...
Mark| 2.5.10 @ 9:18AM
The bottom line is, the Colts at best would have been 15-1. They got their butts kicked at Buffalo with the regulars playing in the first half. The Colts are luck they don't have to play outside for most of their games, for as it was shown in Buffalo, they can't play in the elements.
The Bishop| 2.5.10 @ 9:25AM
The start of school in Indianapolis will be delayed Monday because school bus drivers, during the last Super Bowl appearance of the Colts, called off the following Monday. The management's decision has not tempered the fervor of the home crowd. Since I reside within eyesight of Notre Dame's fabled golden dome, you can bet that I view the Colts as my team and am disappointed (as others who have written above) that Wlady has taken the view that he has. But, Wlady, we still love you. Go Colts! (And come back, ND!)
Ryan| 2.5.10 @ 10:27AM
Pontificate, editorialize, meander, blah, blah, blah.
GO SAINTS.
2Anglico| 2.5.10 @ 9:59AM
The enviromentalist wacko pick says go with the Colts and lay the points.
Matt Morehouse| 2.5.10 @ 10:23AM
The Lib pick is the 'Ain'ts because after what Bush's Katrina did to their swamp they "deserve it".
I'm for the Ponies.
Ryan| 2.5.10 @ 10:26AM
Pontificate, editorialize, meander, blah, blah, blah.
GO SAINTS.
Faffnir| 2.5.10 @ 10:40AM
Go Lions!
And take the Tigers and Pistons with you.
Hoppy| 2.5.10 @ 12:51PM
And the Redwings and Wolverines. Ohio should be forced to annex everything east of Jackson and south of Saginaw.
MLG| 2.5.10 @ 10:29AM
GO SAINTS!!!
As for Obama picking them being the kiss of death,,, heh, even a broken clock is right twice a day.
Grzmlyk| 2.5.10 @ 10:43AM
The Colts have nothing on the Bears. Lovie Smith doesn't make them practice and insists that they take it easy in games so that they'll be well rested and perform spectacularly when they're traded to teams who actually want to win.
james wilson| 2.5.10 @ 10:55AM
Fans talk out their asses.
The Colts knew they were not that good a team, and that winning the last two games would make them even less dominant. Manning was on board with this.
Stephanie| 2.5.10 @ 11:50AM
Not only is nobama skinny, he sits like a girl.
Too metro-sexual for me. ugh.
Ken (Old Texican)| 2.5.10 @ 12:46PM
I for one am going to enjoy the game.
Uh...that is why they play them.
"Bob" will be apalled, but I am hoping to enjoy the commercials too.
I hope both teams have a good day...REAL reality show.
Mick Lee| 2.5.10 @ 1:34PM
I would have liked to have seen a 15-0 season as well; but come on, people. "...a disappointing 14-2"? Have you lost your senses? Teams have gone to the Super Bowl with far less. Get a grip. We're talking about a bunch of man-childs who make a living throwing a BALL around. It is not a bloody wound on the national soul if a couch makes the wrong decision.
ggoblue: Rest assured that I do go all around this blessed country making the rounds visiting my favorite distilleries. I find it more enlightening that a trip to Disneyworld or sampling the wonders of L.A. I would rather listen to a man who unapologetically and without pretense makes a good whiskey than listen to a bunch of has-been athletes and gym teachers wax poetic about the "character-building" discipline of football. Thus, when these windbags talk about the "immortality" of New England's "epic" epic season of 2006-7, it is clear they have lost sight of what it means to stand in the light of eternity.
"What gainth a team to win the whole season but remainth into jerks?"
Jim| 2.5.10 @ 1:40PM
Go Manning..
Otis my man!| 2.5.10 @ 8:47PM
Yeah, let's hear for Archie! Greatest Saints QB ever!
Majito| 2.5.10 @ 2:20PM
Its so fun to read the point counterpoint that fans make regarding their teams...u did, no didn't, yes u did, no i didn't, did too, did not...be careful many have played the saints as the undermutts only the surprised later...a team is not made up of one one player...the UT found that out when their star qb was injured during the initial minutes of the game...it takes one bad hit and if your team is based mainly on your qb play and he gets somewhat injured, there goes the game...so please keep it up...did too, did not, did too, did not...
Oldefarte| 2.5.10 @ 2:32PM
Barry picked the Saints since New Orleans is [according to his bro, Ray Nagin] 'THE CHOCOLAT CITY'. Even with his kiss of death, the Saints will win, because they are better than the Colts!!!!!
Northern Rebel| 2.5.10 @ 11:20PM
You have hit a sore spot, Wlady, because I am enraged that my favorite football team chose to discard excellence!
I am 52 yrs old, and have loved the Colts since Johnny Unitas was slingin' TD passes, and As a conservative politically, it is anathama that someone given a chance to be perfect and excellent, could just arbitrallily choose not do do so!
It is a symptom of what is wrong with our country, and encapsulates the worst of us.
I love my Colts, Johnny Unitas, would have punched whoever decided to not be perfect, and I could tell on the faces of the starters that sat down and witnessed the disgraceful losses, they felt the same way.
Don't blame the players.
Blame the piece of shit Jim Irsay, who thought Rush Limbaugh was bad for the NFL, and then set a disgustusting precedent, by deciding not to win every game.
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, and as soon as I find his father's grave, I INTEND TO PISS ON IT.
Northern Rebel| 2.5.10 @ 11:23PM
If you don't like what I've said Jimmy I'm happy to throw down with ya, punk.
Better bring some friends, boy.
Frank| 2.6.10 @ 12:46AM
I have nothing but disdain for a QB who blames his teammates when things go wrong . Perhaps Archie never taught his "boy" about leadership. But, unfortunately, this will not be much of a game. The only chance the Saints have is to put "footsteps" in Sissy's head. If they give that guy with the girl's name the same reception they gave Brady, Warner and Favre, they'll emerge victorious. Somehow I don't think the NFL will allow Golder Girl to be manhandled.
Ron| 2.8.10 @ 2:31AM
I was in the stands all the years Archie was playing his ass off and the rest of the team stunk. And you are right, Archie always said "We win or lose as a team". I don't think that man had the letter 'I' in his alphabet. It's funny, Brees seems to have picked up on Archie's example a lot more than Peyton ever will. Tonight proved what everyone already knew; Peyton is a great winner but a lousy loser.
Jim Woodward| 2.7.10 @ 1:56PM
I grew up in Baltimore and spent many a happy day at Memorial Stadium.
Many a meal at Johnny U's Golden Arm. Bought my first legal six pack from Arty Donovan. Played father son pick up games in the neighborhood with Alan Ameche occasionally joining in. Met alot of other Colts at the mens clothing store I worked at for awhile.
We loved our Colts! They were regular guys. Not an ounce of ego. AND THEY PLAYED OUT DOORS! Men. And along came that b*****d Irsay.
Two dome teams go at today. To bad the Super Bowl can't be an annual event in Green Bays stadium. We might see who can really play football!
Any way I'm with the Saints today and since I live in Utah I realy don't have a dog in the hunt anymore.
P.S. I played my football out doors and loved every minute of it.
JohnD| 2.7.10 @ 9:20PM
I grew up in Baltimore when the Colts were almost a religion. My father had season tickets, and as a child I occasionally got to accompany my dad to old Memorial Stadium to see Unitas play. I was living in Baltimore the day the team was stolen, and I cannot describe the sadness and horror of wtching the Mayflower vans taking, not just our beloved team, but Baltimore's football heritage.
I hope Indy goes down. An eternal curse on them.
Hydraulic Cylinder | 2.8.10 @ 4:14AM
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Drew | 2.8.10 @ 1:34PM
What a worthless, unpleasant bouillabaisse of half-baked nonsense.
The author decides to smear President Obama for being "skinny" and for playing golf. I seem to recall that Abraham Lincoln was skinnier still, and Dwight Eisenhower made golf the semi-offical game of Presidents.
Wlady can't imagine Barack Obama as a football coach? Maybe not. But then I can't really imagine Woody Hayes as a very good Commander in Chief. Different jobs - different skill sets. I know its a concept that conservative writers have some difficulty with. I'm still trying to figure out how they decided the only guy who COULDN'T find oil in west Texas was qualified to be the leader of the free world. And we all know how well that turned out.
As for the rest? Katie Roiphe and Joe Bugel? Whatever. Tip for Mr. Pleszczynski: Leave the "stream of consciousness" narrative to people who actually have something interesting to say.
Pingback| 2.15.10 @ 3:33AM
Creativity Management - There's Nothing New Under the Sun links to this page. Here’s an excerpt:
explosion proof light | 11.15.10 @ 8:56AM
Obama's stage props, the guys with the white jackets, are here to take you away, to the funny farm, where everything will be alright.
Converse | 8.12.11 @ 3:44AM
is good