“Cash-for-Clunkers” is over. Finally, a successful government
program. Offer people $3 billion to buy new cars, and wonder of
wonders, they rush to grab the $4500 checks. Uncle Sam had to
shut down the program early since it ran out of money. President
Barack Obama called the initiative “successful beyond anybody’s
imagination.”
But now some in the auto industry are worried about the
inevitable drop in sales, since the cash giveaway caused most
everyone — at least, anyone interested in free money — to
accelerate their purchase plans. Jeremy Anwyl, CEO of the
automotive research group Edmunds.com, observes: “Nice party, but
the hangover is awful.”
There’s also an impending downturn in the auto repair industry.
Fewer used cars to sell and service. Fewer parts to trade.
Moreover, there have been and will continue to be fewer other
goods and services sold. After all, if you rushed to buy a new
car, there’s a good chance you had to put off some other
purchases.
The green eyeshade folks among us say the government shouldn’t
waste money like this in the future. But in the new
ultra-Keynesian, post-budget deficit age, we need to think
outside of the box. We need to expand the ambit of
“Cash-for-Clunkers.”
Let’s start big. The housing market remains in the doldrums.
There’s a huge inventory of new and used homes pressing down
prices, an excess capacity that threatens to flood the market at
the faintest price uptick, and a lot of old, energy inefficient
— and sometimes ugly — older dwellings. So why not a housing
“Cash-for-Clunkers” program? Trade in your old, environmentally
poor house for a brand new, energy efficient home and get a
voucher for the value of your current property, plus $50,000. The
developer would be responsible for putting the wrecking ball to
your old residence; the government would keep the land for
subsequent resale.
Then there should be “Cash-for-Clunkers” for home furnishings.
Uncle Sam should pass out checks to anyone who trades in his
wasteful furnace, heat pump, air conditioner, fan, washer, dryer,
fridge, oven, dish washer, microwave, toaster, can opener, coffee
maker, television, DVD player, radio, CD player, light, vacuum
cleaner, computer, or other home appliance. (There’s currently a
modest rebate program, with no trade-in requirement, for some
major new appliances. We need to think more creatively.) Sellers
would render the goods inoperative while the federal government,
in another job-creating program, would collect and dispose of the
trade-ins.
With the rise of the Kindle, online books are now a reality. So
we need a “Cash-for-Clunkers” program for wasteful old books,
which have occasioned the death of so many trees. Buy a Kindle
and get a $20 check for every book you turn in while purchasing
the new online version. Amazon.com would be responsible for
creating central collection points, where you would dump your
book, after tearing it in half to render it unusable. A similar
program should be undertaken for newspapers — buy the Kindle and
cancel your New York Times/Washington
Post/Local Mullet Wrapper subscription, and get a
check.
“Cash-for-Clunkers” also could be adapted for the antique and
collectibles markets. A great deal of money, time, and resources
are wasted as people visit antique shops and troll online for
goods produced long ago and therefore the production of which
creates no jobs today. Turn in your antique painting, chess set,
silver service, china cabinet, stein, armoire, jewelry, and more,
and the government will pay you the value of your item plus
provide a voucher for ten percent of the purchase price of a
modern replacement. Uncle Sam would take title of the goods, for
possible display at the Smithsonian. Constructing several new
buildings to house the government’s new acquisitions would
generate additional jobs.
There also should be “Cash-for-Clunkers” for old clothes and
shoes. Who knows how many leisure suits still clutter up old
closets? Think of all the out-of-style dresses that women hang
onto, hoping that the clothes will come back into fashion. Turn
in those tattered Bermuda shorts and sadly aged pumps and get a
check to buy replacements. Not only will jobs be created, but
Americans will leap ahead of Europeans to lead the fashion
parade.
The “Cash-for-Clunkers” concept could be used for airplanes. With
the downturn in air travel there is a surplus of older, less
fuel-efficient aircraft. Orders for new planes have been reduced
as a result. The government should provide a (large) check
whenever an airline trades in an old aircraft for a new
(preferably Boeing) plane. The discards could be used by the
Pentagon for target practice. We’d have a stronger national
defense as well as less pollution, reduced fuel consumption, and
more jobs.
Finally, “Cash-for-Clunkers” could be used to eliminate the
build-up of old, fatty, and calorie-filled snack products in
cabinets and refrigerators across America. Bring in your potato
chips or M&Ms and get a check for their value, plus a coupon
for use towards the purchase of apples, carrots, or Brussels
sprouts. Surrendered foods would be given to the Surgeon General
for use as part of a broad-ranging educational campaign against
obesity.
The end of the “Cash-for-Clunkers” program bespeaks a lack of
vision. Paying people to destroy their old cars was a stroke of
genius. Let’s expand it to the rest of the economy.
And why stop with economics? Let’s also apply the concept to
Capitol Hill. Toss out your clunker of a congressman and then —
and only then — get some federal pork for your district. Talk
about a “Cash-for-Clunkers” program that would benefit America!
