The geese have erupted into their usual flapping and screeching
over news that studies showing increased use of cell phones while
driving has been contributing to an increase in distracted
driving — and accidents.
But as much as I hate cell phones and the constant needless
gabbling at all times and in all places they have engendered,
they are not the real problem here. Commercial pilots manage to
maintain control of an aircraft hurtling through the skies at
hundreds of miles an hour while communicating on two-way radios
(the equivalent of a cell phone). Commercial truckers manage to
maintain control, too, while working their CBs.
And the truth of the matter is that many drivers are perfectly
able to handle a phone conversation while handling their cars.
The problem is that many aren’t — but it’s not the
phones. It’s their already marginal driving ability.
Just as some people are less capable behind the wheel when
completely sober than a high-skilled driver is even with a few
beers in him, so it is that some drivers can handle having a chat
while driving while others should not be allowed to put their
hand on a steering wheel, period — whether their other
hand is holding a cell phone or not.
We can’t discuss this honestly, of course.
Instead, laws have to be constantly dumbed-down to accommodate
the least common denominator. Just as “no right on red” laws have
popped up all over because of a few subpar drivers who lack the
competence to execute the maneuver safely, so also we shall have
laws forbidding the use of cell phones while driving.
But, why stop there? Some people cannot manage eating while
driving, either — yet this is a common (and for now, still
legal) activity. Should it, too, be cause for a ticket? And if
having a conversation while operating a vehicle is the bottom
line issue, why not ban that, too? There is no doubt
some “drivers” are “distracted” by it — and many other things,
besides.
The possibilities are endless. But the problem won’t be solved
until we get up the gumption to deal with the underlying rot,
which is the declining ability of the average person to do more
than turn a key, slide the lever from Park to Drive, hit the
cruise control — and gape vacuously into space.
The licensing system is a farce; if you can’t pass the “test” you
truly must be a candidate for the Short Bus. Quite literally we
will give a license to almost anyone. Virtually no demonstration
of actual skill behind the wheel is required. Just answer a few
questions having to do with bureaucratic rules (How many feet
must you stay behind a school bus? Must your child always be
restrained in a child safety seat?) and maybe do a lap around the
DMV parking and you are officially anointed a “driver” by the
powers that be.
Traffic enforcement is based on revenue collection — and so
focuses on a gantlet of petty violations, most of which have no
bearing on whether you are competently driving. Drive 43 mph on a
road with a speed limit of 55 and a dozen cars stacked up behind
you and no cop will bother you. But pass the slow poke
at a speed faster than 55 mph — even if just for the length of
time necessary to execute the pass safely — and the same cop
will hit his blue and reds for sure.
Now we will get another slew of laws empowering the cops to pull
us over for using a cell phone while driving — or just talking,
period — even if our driving is blameless. None of that
matters. It won’t be a viable defense before the judge. Because
some people can’t handle doing more than one thing at a
time safely, you will not be allowed to do two things at
a time, either.
It’s why “driving” has become not just oxymoronic but an
increasingly unpleasant hassle for those of us who can do it
passably well.
It’s getting to be not worth the bother. May as well stay home
and read a good book — perhaps about the America that once was.
