The American Spectator : Talk and Drive

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Talk and Drive

By Eric Peters on 7.23.09 @ 6:07AM

But learn to drive first!

The geese have erupted into their usual flapping and screeching over news that studies showing increased use of cell phones while driving has been contributing to an increase in distracted driving -- and accidents.

But as much as I hate cell phones and the constant needless gabbling at all times and in all places they have engendered, they are not the real problem here. Commercial pilots manage to maintain control of an aircraft hurtling through the skies at hundreds of miles an hour while communicating on two-way radios (the equivalent of a cell phone). Commercial truckers manage to maintain control, too, while working their CBs.

And the truth of the matter is that many drivers are perfectly able to handle a phone conversation while handling their cars.

The problem is that many aren't -- but it's not the phones. It's their already marginal driving ability.

Just as some people are less capable behind the wheel when completely sober than a high-skilled driver is even with a few beers in him, so it is that some drivers can handle having a chat while driving while others should not be allowed to put their hand on a steering wheel, period -- whether their other hand is holding a cell phone or not.

We can't discuss this honestly, of course.

Instead, laws have to be constantly dumbed-down to accommodate the least common denominator. Just as "no right on red" laws have popped up all over because of a few subpar drivers who lack the competence to execute the maneuver safely, so also we shall have laws forbidding the use of cell phones while driving.

But, why stop there? Some people cannot manage eating while driving, either -- yet this is a common (and for now, still legal) activity. Should it, too, be cause for a ticket? And if having a conversation while operating a vehicle is the bottom line issue, why not ban that, too? There is no doubt some "drivers" are "distracted" by it -- and many other things, besides.

The possibilities are endless. But the problem won't be solved until we get up the gumption to deal with the underlying rot, which is the declining ability of the average person to do more than turn a key, slide the lever from Park to Drive, hit the cruise control -- and gape vacuously into space.

The licensing system is a farce; if you can't pass the "test" you truly must be a candidate for the Short Bus. Quite literally we will give a license to almost anyone. Virtually no demonstration of actual skill behind the wheel is required. Just answer a few questions having to do with bureaucratic rules (How many feet must you stay behind a school bus? Must your child always be restrained in a child safety seat?) and maybe do a lap around the DMV parking and you are officially anointed a "driver" by the powers that be.

Traffic enforcement is based on revenue collection -- and so focuses on a gantlet of petty violations, most of which have no bearing on whether you are competently driving. Drive 43 mph on a road with a speed limit of 55 and a dozen cars stacked up behind you and no cop will bother you. But pass the slow poke at a speed faster than 55 mph -- even if just for the length of time necessary to execute the pass safely -- and the same cop will hit his blue and reds for sure.

Now we will get another slew of laws empowering the cops to pull us over for using a cell phone while driving -- or just talking, period -- even if our driving is blameless. None of that matters. It won't be a viable defense before the judge. Because some people can't handle doing more than one thing at a time safely, you will not be allowed to do two things at a time, either.

It's why "driving" has become not just oxymoronic but an increasingly unpleasant hassle for those of us who can do it passably well.

It's getting to be not worth the bother. May as well stay home and read a good book -- perhaps about the America that once was.

About the Author

Eric Peters is an automotive columnist and author of Automotive Atrocities: The Cars You Love to Hate (Motor Books International) and a new book, Road Hogs.

Letter to the Editor View all comments (24) | Leave a comment

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Polly Lasker| 7.23.09 @ 8:10AM

This is why I think instead of spending money for "Smooth Operator" programs on speed traps and such, it should be spent on PSAs showing bad driving technique (slow driving in the passing lane, two cars travelling at the same speed blocking traffic behind, failure to signal turns, lane changes & exiting/entering traffic, etc.) and good driving technique (passing on the left then moving back over to the right, proper signal use, etc.). You know, keeping traffic moving *smoothly*!

Paul from SA| 7.23.09 @ 11:24AM

How can they prove one is using a cell phone while driving? What if a person is just holding it up their ear?

People stop eating, stop adjusting the audio, stop putting on make-up, and stop reading (usually) when performing driving manuevers that require full attention. But not talking on the cell phone.

It is dangerous; it is a problem, but I don't know how they can ban cell phones while driving.

It starts first with requiring ALL policemen to follow traffic laws themselves. Then it's (all bad driving) all a function of enforcement.

Appleby| 7.23.09 @ 11:59AM

When I was a child, before space age capsules that isolated children from one another and binkies that isolated them from the Planet Earth, we were forbidden to speak when the car was in motion. Mama said there were too many of us (5) and conversation was distracting. The only exceptions were (1) if there was blood; and (2) if your sister fell out of the car or got left behind at the gas station.

Among many other benefits, this taught us girls how to be quiet, which is something apparently impossible for anyone under 30 to achieve today.

My personal suggestion is that, (1) all binkies be forbidden in all vehicles; and (2) it be made illegal for any sound louder than that of a refrigerator running normally be prohibited in every moving vehicle. Besides making it possible for the driver to pay attention to what she's doing behind the wheel, it would also teach people how rewarding (and possible) silence can be.

JeffW| 7.23.09 @ 12:01PM

While I do not think talking on the cell phone and driving is a good idea, I do not think there should be a law against it. I feel the same about the stupid seatbelt law. I wear one religously, not because its the law but because it increases my odds of survival. We have a law making us wear them yet, motorcycle riders in many states do not have to wear a helmut? What logic is that?

Now as for texting while driving? Those people are idiots! If you have to communicate with that person, then call them already. Just yesterday I had a idiot behind me (didn't see him at first due to it raining and he didn't have any lights on), drifting all over the road. I slowed down and let him pass, only to see the mouth breather pass me, doing over 70 mph, in the rain, driving with his knees because he was using both hands to text! It is for idiots like that we need some stupid laws.

KyMouse| 7.23.09 @ 12:11PM

I've always been in favor of requiring drivers to take the entire driving test (written exam, on-the-road skills, and vision check) at least once each decade. I'm sure that I've gotten lax on a lot of stuff, and I doubt I'm the only one. Seems to me that good drivers shouldn't mind taking it again, every so often, and that less-than-good drivers would benefit. And if they didn't pass, we'd get them off the road at last. But the test should be offered only in English.

Susan| 7.23.09 @ 1:32PM

Yes Paul, let's have ALL policemen follow the traffic laws. And please let it start with you being mugged, and that responding officer driving the speed limit all the way to your rescue.

Ned| 7.23.09 @ 1:46PM

Sorry, but as long as your mistakes may cost my life it is my right to advocate that you not be allowed to talk on your phone while driving. I am getting sick and tired of watching people go through red lights and stop signs without even seeing them.

An acceptable alternative would be to recognize that those who talk on the phone while driving have demonstrated a willingness to kill others on the road with reckless disregard and charge them with first degree murder when they do kill.

I could care less if you kill yourself. In fact I really and truly hope you do kill yourself on a tree of telephone pole before you get me.

wolf labounty| 7.23.09 @ 1:48PM

As Peters points out...there is no driving test. You just become a member of eligible contributors to the traffic violations club. We can't be serious about driving and all its consequences, traffic, accidents, effects on the environment etc, when we give a test that just requires that you are able to breath and sit in front of the steering wheel. The same test is given to the drivers of a 1960's VW and a 2009 Corvette with 400+ hp. This being the case, how one wonders can you take it with any degree of seriousness.

Susan| 7.23.09 @ 1:52PM

By the way, I wasn't wishing that anyone be mugged, including Paul! Just trying to point out how ludicrous it would be to have cops "obeying all traffic laws".

Art C.| 7.23.09 @ 2:33PM

Thought texting while driving is stupid, NY already has a distracted driving statute. The current law(s) are just political feel goods to make lawmakers look like they are doing something.

IHeartUrbanPlanning| 7.23.09 @ 2:55PM

I want my 45 dollars back that I spent on a hands free device because they forced me to buy one because it was SAFER!

They are just going to go and outlaw those now… ignoring that they FORCED us to by them in the first place.

The head guy says this information was never published just because they had other priorities…

http://www.newsy.com/videos/danger_calling

SO not only do they lie to us, but they think we are idiots!

Paul| 7.23.09 @ 5:00PM

Just today I almost got creamed by a red light runner as I pulled out from my left turn lane. The cop next to me in the right turn lane didn't notice the ruckus, why? Because he was busy looking at his laptop or what ever that computer is called in the cop-mobiles these days.

Mazzuchelli| 7.23.09 @ 5:58PM

While people maintain subconscious control of their vehicles once on the cell, they lose track of their speed, the largest sin here, and where they are in traffic, the biggest danger. Yet I agree that passing a law is ludicrous. There can be no systematic surveillance so the failure will be another accessory charge like driving without a front license plate when pulled over for speeding. At the same time, if you're in the left lane, get on the cell and then drop your speed by the least increment, if I'm behind you, road rage will ensue. Do us all a favor: Shut up and drive.

Scott A Joseph, MD| 7.23.09 @ 6:46PM

Happy to not answer the cellphone and have someone die.

I'm so frequently paged I would never go anywhere if I had to pull over.

It's perfectly simple, you see,
As plain as the nose on your face:
Liberals aren't People like you and me---
They're the shame of the human race.

George| 7.23.09 @ 7:15PM

With freedom comes risk. Eliminate one you eliminate the other.

Solo| 7.23.09 @ 9:27PM

I don't give a rat's behind how important that you think you are.....I don't deserve to die because you're texting or yaking on your freakin cell phone.

Hang the f*ck up and drive, already!

It's simple. Anyone involved in an accident, simply trace their cell phone records, if they were yaking on the phone at the time of the accident, 3 years mandatory State prison time...first offense, no exceptions!!

Problem solved!

Richard Baker| 7.26.09 @ 4:48PM

While stationed in Germany in the early '70s and saw what my German friends had to do to get a drivers license, I was amazed. It must work. Their death and accident rates are below that of ours here in the US and the Germans don't generally drive mindlessly, as well. High School drivers education is a waste of time and money. Let's use German instructors, instead of bored Phys-ed teachers/coaches.

Paul| 7.27.09 @ 5:50AM

Dear Appleby,

What is a "binkie"?

Dave Lincoln| 7.28.09 @ 5:43AM

"Happy to not answer the cellphone and have someone die. " As someone told you when you spouted your nonsense in favor of laws against smoking, Doc, remind me to never let you cut on me.

Someone this stupid and arrogant shouldn't be be operating anything more complex than a Big Wheel (TM), much less on a patient. Piss off, arrogant a-hole.