And so ends the month of May, the fourth full month of the Obama
Dizziness. In a Memorial Day weekend interview on C-SPAN, the 44th
president, having burned through $4 trillion, announced
laconically: “We are out of money.” Then he vowed to pass into law
the most ambitious and expensive health care revision in American
history, perhaps to be paid for with Mongolian money. The Chinese
are visibly apprehensive about him. Thus goes the mad presidency of
Barack H. Obama or Kcarab H. Amabo. It all depends on the way one
looks at him, front to back or back to front. He calls himself
Barack Obama, but he could just as easily be Kcarab Amabo. Either
way, his incoherent policies will end with the same oncoming train
wreck. He claims he hails from Chicago, but he could just as easily
come from Ogacihc. Where the hell is Ogacihc, you ask? Perhaps it
is somewhere in Kazakhstan or Kyrgyzstan. Again, it just depends on
the way one looks at it. After four months of this bizarre dervish
in the White House he looks like President Amabo from Ogacihc to us
at AmSpec, and we shall not be surprised if he trades in his
presidential limousine for a magic carpet with governmentmandated
airbags.
In May the Amabo government added Chrysler and General Motors to
its portfolio of bad investments. Also it reversed itself on
candidate Amabo’s promise to release pictures of American military
personnel goofing off with prisoners in Iraq and Afghanistan. Yet
the government held fast on its plan to close Gitmo, despite having
no plausible idea of how to process its disagreeable detainees. On
a positive note, President Amabo nominated Judge Sonia Sotomayor to
the Supreme Court, boasting of her “empathy.” In Guangzhou, China,
Mr. Lai Jiansheng, 66, gave the world an insight into empathy.
After waiting with motorists and fellow pedestrians for five hours
at historic Haizhu bridge while counselors tried to placate a man
contemplating suicide, Mr. Lai walked up to the distressed man,
shook his hand, and gave him a hearty shove off the bridge. Who
doubts our president and his Supreme Court nominee are equally
empathetic? At the end of the month, Judge Sotomayor was being
called a racist for her 2001 asseveration that “I would hope that a
wise Latina woman with the richness of her experiences would more
often than not reach a better conclusion than a white male who
hasn’t lived that life.” Well, if she is not a racist, she is at
least a supremacist. Maybe she will be favorable to Second
Amendment rights and to UFOs.
Britain’s Prince Harry, 24, has again attracted unwanted
headlines. According to the UK’s authoritative Sun, the prince was
overheard in the Tally-Ho pub confiding to a friend (male) that
“It’s been two years since I washed my hair.” The cryptic remark
sent the entire kingdom abuzz and brought back memories among the
historically minded of Prince Metternich’s witticism occasioned by
the 1838 death of Talleyrand. Quipped the prince: “I wonder what he
meant by that?” Two years without a proper sham poo? What about a
change of linen, or a dry pair of socks? The monarchy is again
shaken. Also from the UK comes word that there is still no
consensus in the 13th-century village of Lunt over whether to
change its historic name to Launt or just face the tiresome task of
repainting village signs after sexual deviants in the dark of night
change the “Ls” to “Cs,” creating a crude anatomical term that
cannot be used in polite company unless one is an illiterate and
confused over the past tense of “can’t.”
No such dithering characterizes the citizens of Conisbrough,
South Yorkshire, with address on the ancient, albeit unfortunately
named, Butt Hole Road. Weary of the jokes that assail them even
from deliverymen, they are changing the street’s name to Archer
Way. Particularly annoying was the incidence of tourists, many from
the United States, who, bending over by the street signs, expose
their naked arses while their wives snap pictures. One tourist, who
apparently returned frequently, looks suspiciously like Mr. Tucker
Carlson, the recently retired television personality.
In what even Islamic scholars consider a peculiar way to
celebrate a marriage, gunmen in southeastern Turkey killed 45
people at a wedding in the village of Bilge (pronounced fee lay in
local Turkish). Authorities arrested eight people suspected of
being the assailants, none of whom was best man. Four months after
President George W. Bush departed the White House scot-free, the
Bush Derangement Syn drome persists. In the hamlet of Westerly,
Rhode Island, state Rep. Rod Driver, a Democrat, has dared the
retired president to submit to waterboarding and promised that if
Mr. Bush takes up the dare Rep. Driver will donate $100 to charity,
his life’s savings. Mr. Bush did not reply, possibly because he was
preparing for a debate late in the month with his predecessor the
Boy President. Held in Toronto, Canada, the debate envisaged a wide
range of topics, not including the potential uses of White House
personnel or tobacco products. The government of China expressed
concern for the stability of the dollar and understandably so, with
the China Daily editorializing its alarm over “Washington’s
mushrooming deficit, generated by massive government borrowing…”
Meanwhile, our National Institutes of Health has begun a five-year,
$2.6 million program in China’s Guangxi province to teach local
prostitutes the essentials of safe sex, namely light on the booze,
heavy on the condoms, and no credit cards—cash on the barrel, so to
speak.
There may yet be a safe, energy-efficient alternative to the
federal government’s plan to replace the standard light bulb with
the controversial compact fluorescent lamp (CFL). In Japan
scientists engaged in genetic research at the Central Institute for
Experimental Animals have developed luminous monkeys that emit
light in all directions, day or night. Quite by chance the monkeys
have prehensile tails so they can be hung from ceilings or wall
hooks, though homeowners will have to feed the creatures and attend
to their droppings. Also, there could develop issues with animal
rights groups who place animals higher in their hierarchy of manias
than energy- efficient lighting. Finally, concern is growing over
the safety of Miss Britney Spears as May was the second month in a
row with absolutely no promising news stories on the young artiste:
no automobile accidents, no drug overdoses, nothing. For that
matter there has been no good news on Miss Paris Hilton either, not
even a shoplifting charge.
Perhaps this is because our celebrity press has been distracted
by President Amabo. After all, in the battle for headlines
politicians seem to have a leg up, so to speak. In Australia a
councillor on the Logan city council, fearful that at 5’1” she was
too short to “be taken seriously,” flew to Russia, where she had
her legs broken in four places and stretched three inches over a
nine-month period. Her name is Miss Hajnal Ban, and someday she
could be prime minister of Australia.
Finally, congratulations to officials in China’s enlightened
province of Hubei. In a historic break with the West’s anti-tobacco
madness, these officials are encouraging government bureaucrats to
smoke cigarettes to boost the economy. The cigarettes are locally
manufactured and heavily taxed. This may sound odd, but it is
certainly more sensible than the Western governments’ policy of
taxing tobacco to pay for government services while insisting that
smokers break their tobacco habit. The Crisis goes on.
