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What's Still Great
In Dog Years You'd Be Dead
Facing up to the big 6-0.
A few years back my younger sister sent me a birthday card with a picture of a dog on the front, bearing the message, "In dog years you'd be dead."
My sister atoned for this cruelty seven years ago when she saved my life as the donor for my bone marrow transplant. She was the only one of my four siblings who matched up perfectly, thus allowing me to get in touch with my feminine side and live to tell the tale.
That experience was "the nearest run thing" to borrow the Duke of Wellington's description of his victory at Waterloo. So I take it in stride when I run into an old acquaintance that has not seen me in a very long time. "You look great," they say although their visage indicates they are thinking, "You're not dead?"
"The report of my death was an exaggeration," said Mark Twain.
I find myself thinking, more and more, about my sister's birthday card, dog years and such, as I come up on my 60th birthday this month, one by all rights I should not be celebrating if that is the right word. Thankful as I am to be alive, facing the big 6-0 certainly forces one to embrace the inevitability of mortality, not just as a hypothetical case but as a distinct possibility in the not too distant future. I seem to be paying more attention to the obituary pages, noting the ages of the many deceased. One person died at age 83, a long and happy life. Another passed away at 57, a bit young don't you think? Death at 70? A close call that.
My older son and I were born on the same June date which has allowed me to downplay the passing years, in my own mind and within my family, by shifting the focus of the birthday celebrations on him. I am not sure that dodge is working this time, at least for me. Let's face it: the coming of the seventh decade of one's life is a milestone in our culture, notwithstanding the lengthening of our statistical lives. Even for those of us who believe that death is not the final end, the fact that we are closing the distance on this eventuality gives pause.
"It's not that I'm afraid to die," said Woody Allen. "I just don't want to be there when it happens."
Robert J. Samuelson, an indispensable journalist and writer on economics, and another insightful Cassandra of our coming economic meltdown, says that in 1940, life expectancy at birth was 61.4 years for men. By 2008, the figure was 75.4. The comparable numbers for women are 65.7 and 80 years. Setting aside the consequences for the Social Security program, this is a remarkable reprieve for human beings in our society. Even if I discount the age differential by half (given my medical history), I might have close to a decade to…well, what?
Sigmund Freud, who feared "the terrors of eternal nothingness" and suffered from what he called Todesangst (dread of death), believed that "Love and work are the cornerstones of our humanness" for those who were up to it. "Love and work…work and love, that's all there is." However, he saw this as merely consolation amidst the desolation of the human condition.
The adage Laborare et orare, to work and to pray, is usually sourced to Saint Benedict whose monastic Rule mandated both activities for monks who joined his communities of faith. Unlike Freud, Benedict saw work, along with prayer, as the means of expressing love, not just for man or woman, but for the God who is love and the ultimate object of human longing. Moreover, work is not a penance or mere drudgery, but another form of love's expression in both human and divine terms.
Whatever time we have allotted to us is a gift, an opportunity not to be missed. Time is a treasure. Somebody said that. It might take us six or more decades to figure this out, but one must make allowances for old dogs.
About the Author
G. Tracy Mehan, III served at the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency in the administrations of both Presidents Bush. He is a consultant in Arlington, Virginia, and an adjunct professor at George Mason University School of Law.
Letter to the Editor View all comments (47) | Leave a comment
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Doorgunner| 6.3.09 @ 7:26AM
BAN DAVID MATHEWS
Clare | 6.3.09 @ 7:50AM
Woof, Happy Birthday a little early!
Kitty| 6.3.09 @ 7:52AM
Y'know, I was never obsessed with my age. There was never an age that caused me to go off the deep end emotionally. I've never wanted to return to my 20s or 30s or even my 40s. Well, maybe my 40s, but I doubt it.
However, when you referred to turning 60 as "the seventh decade"... shudder the thought.
...
Birthday Buddy| 6.3.09 @ 7:58AM
Benedict, Freud--it sounds like both the sacred and the secular agree, Dad: retirement is for pansies.
Happy Birthday.
Deborah D| 6.3.09 @ 8:42AM
Happy birthday, Mr. Mehan. My sister turned 60 yesterday. As she joked about the age, I reminded her of what my husband always says about the age we are ... At least I made it this far--that's better than the alternative!
Your fellow Janeite..| 6.3.09 @ 8:42AM
We are grateful for the time we have with you and in the words of our beloved Jane, I implore that you "do not attack me with your watch. A watch is always too fast or too slow. I cannot be dictated to by a watch!"
I just thank God that my children know their "Papa T"! We love you and happy birthday.
jane| 6.3.09 @ 8:50AM
Welcome to the 60s--we are all better off because YOU are here!
Robert Rosencrans| 6.3.09 @ 10:28AM
When I'm dead, I'll worry about how old I am.
Gill O’Teen ✝✡| 6.3.09 @ 11:52AM
I have always been proud that, though a tad younger, I share my birthday with The Flag of The United States. My childhood birthday cakes were even small replica Flags. However, while you old timers might be celebrating your 60th birthday, I, using the example of Ronald Reagan, choose to celebrate the 25th anniversary of my 35th.
KyMouse| 6.3.09 @ 12:34PM
A nice article, Ms. Mehan, thanks.
I'm closing in on my 60th as well. I've done lots of things to mark the fact that I'm a lot closer to the end of my life than to the beginning: I'm cleaning the clutter out of my house with an eye to charitable organizations, and making notes on some things ("Pawpaw bought this cane on his trip to Mexico in 1910") for my heirs; having fun making lists of interesting things I've done over the years (travel, good works, famous people I've met, etc.); and getting in touch with people from long ago.
One of the latter was the hallmate in college who suggested one day that I read C. S. Lewis's "Mere Christianity" and led me to the Lord soon after. I'd been meaning to thank her for that for about 35 years, and she was thrilled to hear about the seed she had planted.
And I've updated my will and made instructions for my funeral and headstone. Sounds a bit depressing to some, but not to me, when I remember His promise, "whoever believes in Me, though he were dead, yet shall he live."
Happy 60th! Your times are in His hands.
Alex E| 6.3.09 @ 4:26PM
Tracy now that I am getting older (thankfully not as old as you yet) I notice several things:
In my dreams my friends, family and I are all younger
I like seeing the cops around
They let kids in college, practice medicine and run for office
I could go on and on, but think of my Grandmother.
When I turned 30 I told her I was depressed - that I would never be the youngest to do something again. With great wisdom she confided in me that 30 was hard for her too. She then said 40 no problem - 50 fun, 60 a milestone, 70 an achievement. Then she said 80 was hard.
She made it into her mid 90's - here is hoping the same wisdom, joy and health for you!
Vicki T.| 6.3.09 @ 4:38PM
Happy Birthday Tracy!!!!!!!! I'm only a few yrs behind ya!!!!
Howard Hirsch| 6.3.09 @ 6:12PM
I would like to cogitate a little more on this (since I'm only a year behind you, Tracy), but I have to go to the airport to pick up my mother, who will be spending her 89th birthday with us on Sunday.
Amy Smith| 6.4.09 @ 1:32PM
Happy B'Day! Will forward to my Dad in SC who has a decade on you this month! I'm reminded of what my grandmother once wrote in her diary having survived the Depression and lived a great life: "Isn't it wonderful we can't know the future? God's plan is there, yet we are mercifully blind." Live it up!
Marcus Boyd| 6.6.09 @ 12:31AM
I had my 65Th Birthday on March 15, the Ides of March. I am retired! I like this Idea of no longer doing the daily grind, including no more travel and work in places I don't want to be, for weeks on end. And for 10-12 Hr days for days on end. No More!
This week we went to Rockport, TX, and stayed at our usual place, in a nice individual cabin, in an oak forest. Google: Pelican Bay Resort to see the place. The prices are cheap considering the experience.
I have been a "birder" for years and my wife has become so over the years also. We have taken many photos of birds and other interesting things and posted them on our Photo Blog.
You can do so many interesting things after you retire. It really is a new beginning for you.
If you have never fished, try it.
If you have never tried Photography, try it.
If you have never traveled with your spouse, TRY IT. The Rail trip in Canada is fantastic!
You may be able to click on my name and get to our blog. If not it is cabinwood.blogspot.com .
If you like, leave a comment there on the newest page so we will see it. If you look down far enough in older posts you will see our cabin in the woods, literally.
Carol Misseldine| 6.7.09 @ 4:00PM
Hi Tracy! Dave Dempsey was kind enough to forward the link to your insightful article. It was timely, as I just celebrated my 50th, and like you, have found my thoughts drifting to, as you put it: "the inevitability of mortality....as a distinct possibility in the not too distant future."
One of my favorite poems, entitled "Ancient Masters" contains wisdom I hope to actually embody one day:
"The ancient masters....didn't cling to life; weren't anxious about death; emerged without desire and reentered without resistance; .... didn't forget where they were from and didn't ask where they were going; they took everything as it came, gladly, and walked into death without fear. They accepted life as a gift and they handed it back gratefully."
The prospect of gaining such equanimity inspires me. Thank you for taking the time to writing such thoughtful and timely words.
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