The American Spectator : Daughter Boom

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Daughter Boom

By Paul Beston from the May 2009 issue

Thank heaven for little girls.

You guys have your guy thing,” my sister often says, “I’m always out of it.” She means that, in our male-heavy family—four boys and lonely her— the men tend to stick together. Not that there was much choice. My father’s sister also had four boys and one girl. My sister had a boy and a girl, while my oldest brother started fast out of the gate with two boys before propitiating the gods with a girl. It was assumed that, when the rest of us got around to the procreation business, we would keep the home team stocked with talent.

As I watch my 16-month-old daughter toddle around the close spaces of our old house, it’s easy to forget that before she showed up, my image of being a father had always involved a boy. Now I cannot imagine it. I wouldn’t trade her for a battalion of stomping sons.

Not long before her birth, I heard that my younger brother’s wife was pregnant—with a girl. “Two girls in a row,” my sister said. She didn’t figure this. A few months after that little girl arrived, another brother told me his news. You guessed it: wife pregnant. You guessed again: a girl. Now my parents have more female grandchildren than male, and every member of the men’s club will spend the rest of his days raising girls.

“It’s a great time to have girls,” I heard often after my daughter’s birth. “Look at all the changes in society.” That’s true. We’ve all lived through a social revolution perhaps more transformative than the civil rights movement. Career choices for women, women outpacing men on many educational measures, women in sports and business and medicine and politics, women mixing it up with men on the Sunday talk shows. If it weren’t for the Democratic Party’s weird primary system, we’d have a woman president. Of course, the new opportunities come with challenges. It’s more complicated raising girls than in earlier times, when certain expectations tended to bound the limits of aspiration and propriety. With Girls Gone Wild, reality TV, college spring break culture, and the remorseless pornification of everyday life, fathers like me won’t have trouble finding things to worry about. And I’ll have to be civil to the boys and men she brings home while searching their souls for shallowness and corruption (okay, that problem is timeless).

But consider the boys’ plight. It’s pretty much the girls’ in reverse. The cultural assumptions have not been capsized entirely; in fact, expectations of male behavior, even chivalry, are perhaps stronger than ever for being so contingent and concealed. Still, few would say it’s a “great time to be a boy.” Schools have long tilted curricula toward more feminine pursuits; the merest playground scuffle invokes disciplinary action and even the threat of expulsion; and the culture often characterizes men as either “wimps or barbarians,” as Terrence O. Moore put it a few years ago (he forgot flat-out idiots). In the black community, boys are the very embodiment of “at risk,” with a 70 percent illegitimacy rate and fatherlessness a deadly, if quiet, assault, killing less like a bombing raid than a nuclear winter. Some are hopeful that President Obama can make headway on that problem. He’s spoken to black audiences on the importance of fatherhood, and by all indications he’s a good exemplar. But then, he’s also created a superfluous White House Council on Women and Girls. Of course, he has daughters, too, as did his two predecessors.

Everywhere I look these days, I see daughters. Just the past week, a friend e-mailed to tell me that his wife was pregnant with their first child—a girl, of course. “After a second’s disappointment, I am perhaps more excited now than if it were a boy,” he wrote. Given what I know about these things, it was likely longer than a second, but he’ll understand soon enough the joy of daughters.

“Besides,” I told him, “look on the bright side: Now we won’t have to teach boys how to be men.” He laughed, but I probably wasn’t joking.

topics:
Family

About the Author

Paul Beston is associate editor of the Manhattan Institute's City Journal.

Letter to the Editor View all comments (36) | Leave a comment

Appleby| 5.8.09 @ 7:26AM

I lost my beloved Daddy on October 7, 2008. I am the eldest and was the son he never had -- a lifelong disappointment to my ladylike mother and my Suzie Sorority sisters. But Daddy was one of those rare gentlemen who loved each of us exactly as we are, although he was firm with the Three Rules of Polite Behaviour: sit still, be quiet (okay, he said Shut Up) and hands off. And when we got older, Go Right Upstairs And Change Out Of That , Missy...You Are Not Going Out Of Here Dressed Like THAT.

It is a good time to be female, but only if you have a supportive father, as the No Girls Allowed Club is still well tenanted and going strong. I am frequently surprised to hear a young lawyer who could be my son refer to his secretary as My Girl; and even in groups where women have long been a part of the team, there is the feeling that Girls should be home taking care of babies and dusting the knicknacks and keeping their dresses nice, and that the only purpose for which God has made us female is to bear the children of our patriarchs. (At the other end of the spectrum are the snotty college age brats who smirk at us on the subway while their ample bums are planted in the seats and snark *Well YOU wanted to be liberated!* to which I always reply, *If my son speaks to your mother like that, I hope she slaps him silly.*

Whatever kind of woman your daughters become, I hope you will support her and guide her to believe, as my Daddy did, that the only things women cannot do are play pro football and father children. Whether she grows up to be a full time wife and mother, or a professional soldier, she will succeed the best if she has her fathers unqualified support.

Paul| 5.8.09 @ 7:57AM

"Mars needs women."

One more reason the CHICOMS will be coming for us soon...

blackelkspeaks| 5.8.09 @ 8:46AM

As the father of two beautiful daughters whom I dearly love, I also believe that the growth of female influence in our society is not an unadulterated good. I think that our nefarious trend to the left and the loss of much of our liberty is due to female voters. Everything from rampant abortion, homosexual mainstreaming, and the growth of the welfare state to our ridiculous rules of engagement in war is due to women voting overwhelmingly for the jackass party. In fact, the females are a protected class who are shielded from the consequences of their poor judgment. For every Margaret Thatcher and Sarah Palin, there are many, many more Hillary Clintons and Eva Perons.

Appleby| 5.8.09 @ 10:56AM

And for every Ronald Reagan and Jack Kemp, there is an Obama and a Rev. Wright.

blackelkspeaks| 5.8.09 @ 12:41PM

To: Appleby

Your comment doesn't address my point. Do you deny that the greater majority of women lean to the left? And much more so than men do?

ruth| 5.8.09 @ 2:18PM

Blackelk, you are correct that more women than men lean left--but I don't believe it's about gender, I think it's about the loss of individual integrity. I stand with you as a Conservative--please don't hold me responsible for the actions of Liberals, regardless of their sex .

blackelkspeaks| 5.8.09 @ 2:41PM

To: Ruth

Some of the finest conservative thinkers in recent history have been women. We should remember Rose Wilder Lane, recognized as the founder of the libertarian movement, who was the daughter of Laura Ingalls Wilder (the author of the "Little House On The Prairie" series). And lately we've been hearing a lot about the philosophy of Ayn Rand (the author of "Atlas Shrugged"). But, sadly, these women are noteworthy precisely because they are not representative of the larger group of females in our society. They are anomalous, like a Thomas Sowell or Clarence Thomas is to black people generally. What I would like to say is that we need to recognize this in order to affect any meaningful change in the negative pattern of the larger group.

Daisy| 5.8.09 @ 2:41PM

The last thing I'm going to do is fight with Conservative men. We gotta stick together, people.

ruth| 5.8.09 @ 2:46PM

Unemployment rose to 8.9% even though the federal government hired 66,000 (ACORN) part-time census workers.

Hermit| 5.8.09 @ 3:45PM

Daughters are among God's greatest gifts that special place is reserved for granddaughters and grandsons, hard to pick between those two.
My daughter and I have always been close she makes me proud every day. I chuckled at your thoughts concerning the young men and boys that will come to see your daughter. My approach was to let them know she was protected by a cross between a rabid pit bull and a homicidal maniac, I found it very effective.
From the very beginning I always taught her that she could be anything she chose, to never allow anyone to limit her options. She chaffed a little when I required that she advance her education and did not demand the same of her brother with the same vigor. While I believe that things have changed greatly over the years in terms of opportunities for women the options and opportunities for women without an education are less than those for similarly educated men.
I am not so sure that now is a great time to have daughters or granddaughters when one considers the ‘pornification’ of the world you so correctly refer to. But the danger is as much for little boys and young men as it is for little girls and young women. I am active in my grandchildren’s lives; I enjoy teaching them and just being around them. I have found there is nothing in this world quite as special as little arms wrapped around my neck and a soft kiss on the cheek.
There is little I can do about what goes on in the broader world. I have bought them a refuge way out in the country with plenty of space to play, grow and learn and where the pit bull com e maniac can keep an eye on the horizon for any threat that might come.
It is, in the final analysis, my love for them and concern for their future that feeds my passion for the future of this country. I want to make sure that I pass to them every freedom and opportunity that was given to me

Pat| 5.8.09 @ 4:18PM

It was a better time, back in the day, when an American could be just a plain, garden variety individual rather than a participant in a decades long sociological experiment. Jealous of those clowns and their absurd salaries over in the Physics and Chemistry department, the sociologists in centers for higher education declared themselves "scientists" with a capital S and promptly grouped us all into our seperate ethnic, racial and gender classes - and it hasn't been the same since.

So, according to this author, Obama is following in the footsteps of Bill Cosby and lecturing black folks on what's expected of them. Why? Well, according to the sociologists, equality of opportunity is supposed to lead to equality of outcome - isn't that like the Second Law of Social Thermodynamics or something? But that hasn't happened, according to the sociologists, so it must be the fault of black folks because it should have occurred right on schedule.

And it's no longer enough when a black doctor or lawyer is free at last to pay "equal opportunity" income taxes, he or she must "give something back" to the black community. Why, or how much, they must give is left unspoken, kind of like one of those "givens" the economists are always talking about. Maybe the sociologists have a point but it gets rather ridiculous at times - the so-called privileged classes like whites or Asians are never lectured to on how they each individually represent their race. Can you imagine the absurdity of Hillary Clinton lecturing white folks about "giving something back" to the white community - sure Hill, and when are you and Bill going to give back the stuff you swiped when you left the White House?

In this era of group identity before individual identity, black folks are told they signed up for a certain amount of expected social progress and the sign-up sheet was passed around the day they were born - and, now, it's apparently time to shape-up. Plus, and maybe more importantly, they're collectively letting the Democrats and their bizarre social theories down - and we certainly can't have that.

Alan Brooks| 5.8.09 @ 8:48PM

to hell with Randians and Wilder Lane.
Libertarians undermine the decency you seek.

you can't be free and be moral; Singapore is (more) moral
because it is less free. You can't have it a;;-- that is a lib notion.

girls? I'll take Maggie Thatcher over some bimbo under the age of 80.

"A pretty face may last a year or two;
then we'll see what you can do" --
'How Do You Sleep',
Imagine album

Alan Brooks| 5.8.09 @ 8:50PM

to hell with Randians and Wilder Lane.
Libertarians undermine the decency you seek.

you can't be free and be moral; Singapore is (more) moral
because it is less free. You can't have it a;;-- that is a lib notion.

girls? I'll take Maggie Thatcher over some bimbo under the age of 80.

"A pretty face may last a year or two;
then we'll see what you can do" --
'How Do You Sleep',
Imagine album

rick| 5.8.09 @ 9:06PM

i'm a temp census worker-haven't seen any Acorns in my little group in NJ

A. Brooks| 5.8.09 @ 9:14PM

libertarians want to have it all; but not merely to their own detriment-- but also to others

Alan Brooks| 5.8.09 @ 9:30PM

Blackelk,
wise elderly women are a fast growing segment of the population. So for every bimbo there may someday be a Thatcher.

ruth| 5.8.09 @ 9:45PM

Love your daughters well, blackelk: It's impossible to overestimate the importance of a Father's influence on his female offspring. I pray your daughters live up to your loftiest ideals.

ruth| 5.8.09 @ 9:51PM

Geeeez, Alan: Bimbos or Thatcher? Aren't you omitting a rather large segment of women? I'm not a bimbo, but I don't want to be an 85 year old Thatcher, either. I think Coulter and Malkin set a pretty high bar.

ruth| 5.8.09 @ 10:18PM

Appleby, sorry about your beloved dad. You're a very lucky girl--but I think you already know that!

Spock| 5.9.09 @ 12:45AM

And I’ll have to be civil to the boys and men she brings home while searching their souls for shallowness and corruption (okay, that problem is timeless).

Maybe it was just you that was a dick, douche bag.

And how exactly do you search souls? Do you have a patent on this wonderful invention?

Daisy| 5.9.09 @ 12:49AM

At least he's got a soul, Spock. Wouldn't want a foul-mouthed dirtbag like you near my daughters.

Bill Grimes| 5.10.09 @ 6:58AM

According to Robert Frost, what we get from our opposite-sex parent is love and acceptance; from our same-sex parent, a list of expectations.
According to Daniel Moynihan, a society that allows a major portion of its male children to be raised in single-parent female-headed households will obtain chaos, as these male children will not acquire a sense of reasonable expectations for themselves.
According to David Blankenhorn, due to illegitmacy and divorce, as well as loss of legitimacy of the male role, we are becoming a fatherless America.
Should we be surprised that 58% of graduating college seniors are female, in a nation in which girls are much more likely to live with a same-sex parent than boys?
I congratulate successful young women, but feel that something important has been lost in creating a future for our sons.

ds80| 5.10.09 @ 8:02AM

Alan Brooks: "you can't be free and be moral"

Christ would beg to differ. That's the goal - a perfection of soul that results in perfect freedom.

But it's too short-sighted a focus to expect it in Singapore or anywhere else on this earth.

Angel| 5.10.09 @ 3:12PM

You can only be truly free when you ARE moral.

ruth| 5.10.09 @ 3:23PM

Bill, I agree with you about our boys; that's why it's more important than ever for men to stand up and be good fathers and role-models for their sons. It's all in your hands, sir. I've worked very hard to ennoble my son, and I pray every day that he lives up to his potential.

Sad American Patriot| 5.12.09 @ 1:58AM

Jesus Christ, what is up with this thread? Alan Brooks wants to fuck some poor brain dead woman (Thatcher) and the rest of you think that is cool?

Alan Brooks cant be free and moral cause he is a commie and/or lives in Cuba. Poor soul.

Christ the Lord| 5.12.09 @ 2:00AM

I say pray for the soul of this Alan, he is a lost hope!

Satan| 5.12.09 @ 2:01AM

I say don't bother. He lusts on wreckage of ladies. He is ripe for hell.

Alan Brooks| 5.12.09 @ 2:08AM

Assimilate bitches!

God| 5.12.09 @ 2:30AM

Does anyone really care? *snores*

Alan Brooks| 5.13.09 @ 7:47PM

I didn't write the last one, "assimilate bitches". geez, what a stupid post, not even a Daphne troll would stoop so low.

. I'm going to leave AS if it doesn't stop.

Alan Brooks| 5.15.09 @ 2:39AM

let Daphne Kenwards take over AS blogs, then you'll all get your comeuppance.

Katie| 5.17.09 @ 1:12AM

I'm a bit startled by the article's conclusion - the assumption that any man whose first child is a girl rather than a boy will necessarily feel serious disappointment. I'm even more startled by the tone of some of the comments to the article, e.g.:

" Everything from rampant abortion, homosexual mainstreaming, and the growth of the welfare state to our ridiculous rules of engagement in war is due to women voting overwhelmingly for the jackass party."

Um, there is a "gender gap" but it's far from overwhelming. I, for one, am a registered Republican and usually vote that way. But when I hear or read articles and comments suggesting that it is natural for a father to be disappointed by the birth of a daughter, or that the poor judgment of women is the cause of all modern social ills, I do wonder if maybe I should switch parties.

Listen to yourselves, people! Are you deliberately trying to destroy the Republican Party???

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