By Paul Chesser on 4.20.09 @ 6:07AM
CNN really does suck lemons.
"CNN Sucks."
Sure, there were more clever signs at Tax Day tea parties around
the country. Some were clutched by indebted
children. Others made "pox on
both (political party) houses" statements. And there were the
required
bailout bashes.
But no sign I spotted at any Lipton-lobbing rant fest summed up
the nationwide sentiment like the one I saw on Fox News'
"Hannity" program Wednesday night from Atlanta.
The poster scribe could have condemned any other media
formerly known as mainstream. He (or a brash she) could have
written "MSNBC Sucks," but what's so bold about stating the
obvious? He could have scratched out "USA Today Sucks,"
for
promoting their love for big government, but the McPaper's
crosswords are pretty good. He could have stated "the
Journal-Constitution Sucks," but why disrespect the
dead?
Or he could have raised awareness about crappy individual
reporters like the Denver Post's
Mark Jaffe, or the Washington Post's
Kari Lydersen, or any New York Times journaleftist,
for they all inhale deeply. But they are too obscure.
Instead mallet mashed spike precisely in the Peach State capital,
where CNN Sucks resides. That the bold pronouncement was held
aloft where an aerial Fox camera could capture the sentiment was
perfect. Recent days have confirmed it:
• At 4:00 p.m. Thursday as the nation was still abuzz with the
tea party aftermath, the CNN Sucks homepage had zero (except for
their lame citizen iReports) stories about the
gatherings. Instead they featured an
oversized photo of Mrs. Bates with a story
about Mexican drug gangs.
• At the same time Cable sNooze Network highlighted its
Twitter war with That 70s Show star Ashton
Kutcher. How fitting that the actor won.
• And as April 15 approached former Clintonista Paul Begala
posted an inane, Biden-esque commentary
about how patriotic it is to pay taxes. "This country has
showered me with the blessings of liberty. So what do I owe my
country in return? Paying my fair share of taxes, it seems, is
the least I can do."
• Meanwhile empty-suited Anderson Cooper
fulfilled dreams of one-day fitting in with dreamboat Keith
Olbermann on MSNBC, as he cracked gay-themed "teabagger" jokes
about the events. Put this pair's viewer ratings together and
they might one day come close to Fox's 5:00 p.m. show hosted by
Glenn Beck.
And then there's reporter Susan Roesgen. I'd never heard of
anyone with that last name before – much less heard of you, Susan
Roesgen – but thank you so much for unveiling your scorn while
playing tea party in Chicago. You made yourself famous by
demonstrating
what a poor playmate you are and thus how much CNN really
does suck. You recited the JournoList
script admirably, but unfortunately for you pulled the short
straw at the assignment desk, and thus your performance was
judged before a nation of tax-resisting Simon Cowells. Sorry, no
save for you this week.
While activists exercised their outspokenness against big
spending, overtaxing, and over-regulating government, Susan
Roesgen (thumbs
up for Bush-Hitler;
thumbs down for Obama-Hitler), Anderson Teabagger and even
Ashton Kutcher helped them achieve a milestone that most of them
don't realize. It's that the media formerly known as mainstream
has seen its re-categorization completed. MSNBC, the New York
Times, and other mainstream outlets joined CNN Sucks in
either dissing or disregarding the tea party protests'
newsworthiness. They now belong with semi-known far left
publications such the Nation, Mother Jones, and
American Prospect.
Glad you confirmed it, Susan Roesgen.