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The War on Terror Spectator
The MRI and I
The closest thing to a near-burial experience.
Had an MRI today (Magnetic Resonance Imaging), which is a little like living through an eruption on Mt. St. Helens while lying at the summit.
It is instructive and historically redolent. This was a “closed” MRI. They omit “casket” from the “closed” but the awesome resemblance is immediately apparent. “Keep your eyes closed,” was the best advice I’d gotten, but which I ignored once inside the tube. Sure enough; there was the ceiling, or casket’s roof, inches from my nose. And I had been given a little device that could signal the operator that I had had enough and wanted out, pronto. It reminded me of the other caskets used in the pre-coroner days of jolly old England in which a string was attached to the supposedly-deceased hand that led up to a little bell on the surface of the earth. Should the unconscious victim of a premature burial suddenly awaken, all he had to do was jerk the string and ring the bell. Hence the phrase: “Does that ring a bell?”
There was a great-Aunt who beat them to it in the last century and was discovered sitting up in her casket in her living room. But I digress.
An MRI victim can usually select music, which becomes inaudible when the first shot of magnetism shudders through the machine, something like a .50 caliber machinegun being operated near one’s ear. What is happening, we are told, is the alignment of the hydrogen atoms in the water in one’s body that will produce an image on the film. After some twenty minutes of varying sounds, a technician’s voice commands, “Don’t move, now. I’m taking you out to inject the contrast in your arm.” The roof slowly slides past your nose and you are returned to the end of the machine, where the contrast fluid is injected and you are moved back into the casket for another fifteen minutes or so of thunderous noise, which again blots out the piano music you have ordered. Now and then the disembodied voice intones, “Now, three and a half minutes of this,” and the sound is resumed, until finally the voice declares, “All finished.” Images of a tiny bell ringing unheard in an English churchyard recur.
I am told I may retrieve my clothing and be given the images that a doctor had ordered. As I take them I cannot resist explaining to the technicians, “You know, that water-boarding at Guantanamo that got us in such trouble was totally unnecessary. All they had to do was ship one of these MRI machines down there.”
Nobody laughed. And neither did the receptionist when I told her that if ever I reappeared in the office she was to call the police.
About the Author
Reid Collins is a former CBS and CNN news correspondent.
Letter to the Editor View all comments (26) | Leave a comment
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Kitty| 3.9.09 @ 6:51AM
Don't worry about having another one, even if you may need it. I don't know how old you are, but chances are you're beyond the "cost effective" age as per Obama's health care regulations.
...
whiterb| 3.9.09 @ 7:13AM
Now just think how this experience will be once the Obama/Gore energy plan goes into full swing. Brown and blackouts equal panic in the tube. These are the kind of adds you must run to penetrate the skulls of the idiocracy, and the majority of female voters. Prey upon their fear, you bet.
Nancy| 3.9.09 @ 8:23AM
I agree with you Reid. The doctor of course did not prepare me for what an M.R. I. would be like. But I did not open my eyes once inside. I very slowly prayed the Rosary and offered the misery up to God. It was the most awful test I have ever had. By concentrating on the Rosary, I had peace even in the midst of the intense infliction of noise. The test was akin to a loud jackhammer going off in my brain for 45 minutes. Prayer is the only way to survive it while retaining your sanity!
"I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me" PHIL 4:13
Clusiana| 3.9.09 @ 10:06AM
I know this guy who had an MRI. After repeatedly telling the tech he wanted OUT and got the usual, "we're almost finished" he reached out of the MRI, grabbed the entrance of the tube and literally pulled himself and the "bed" out of the tube. Stripped the gears. They shudda listened to him when he protested.
I fell asleep during an MRI. I think they gave me something to calm me. Ha! Not a pleasant experience. I can sympathize with the author.
Sandra| 3.9.09 @ 10:31AM
I'm terrified, even of the "open ones"
What is worse than an MRI is a PET scan... they're longer.
Nancy, I agree, two rosaries later I was done. Still a little "hot" (because of radioactive dye).
Katherine| 3.9.09 @ 1:33PM
I got through it by counting seconds and minutes. One thousand one, one thousand two, etc., for forty-five minutes. Horrible. If I hadn't had to drive home, I'd have taken the sedative.
J David| 3.9.09 @ 2:00PM
I've had at least four MRIs and one CAT scan and I was SO VERY THANKFUL to be on that table, FINALLY, that I lay there in perfect peace, almost a trance state, in those closed scans, rejoicing. The process is so long and arduous to get there, and so often in doubt, that it was the realization of the end of one particular journey, and the beginning of the next.
Aleta| 3.9.09 @ 3:12PM
I have had a number of MRIs and CAT scans. I have found that a cloth over my eyes is an excellent anodyne. Then I either imagine what frequency is being used and compare that with bright line spectra from other stars, or I tell myself a story. Try a washcloth over your eyes next time. It helps.
AJ| 3.9.09 @ 5:44PM
After a cold I had a minor ear issue for which the medico prescribed an MRI, even though the odds of it finding what he vaguely suspected were about 1 in 20 million. More of the CYA medicine that currently afflicts us. I arrived at the facility, took one look at the MRI and said seeya.
(My symptoms cleared up by themselves in a couple weeks).
Bob| 3.9.09 @ 5:50PM
I've had more than a dozen MRI's. Most of them I had to have IV sedation, not just valium and vicodin. My wife always had to go along to drive. Even the blindfold and music didn't help.
dgv| 3.10.09 @ 12:47AM
Don't be a wuss. My son had two MRIs when he was 10--they thought he had cancer. No problem he was totally cool. I'm a physician, and I order hundreds of MRs a year most patients don"t sweat it -- come on!
Roy| 3.10.09 @ 4:45AM
Had one a week or so ago for my back - not a huge deal, but I could see out the top and anyway I am a chicken about other things, enclosed spaces no big deal.
One thing that might be interesting to people on this site: shop around. Mine was a non-emergency MRI so I had a few choices where to get it done. It turned out that getting it done at a center that basically does just MRI's cost $850, whereas getting it done at the hospital cost $2,100. Even when my insurance covers 80% of that the choice is clear.
The fact that most people don't bother to ask that question tells me everything I need to know about why health care costs are rising. Obviously if I had been sitting on one of those fat, wasteful first dollar plans, then I would have rather stuck my employer or insurer for $1,000 than driven a few miles. Abracadabra! "Rising costs".
Howard| 3.10.09 @ 3:31PM
I've had a few of those nasty procedures. My last one I bailed out. Acid reflux and claustrophobia did me in. I don't know if I can do any more. Valium please!
ruth| 3.10.09 @ 5:54PM
I am going to try to avoid this sucker at all costs! Thanks for the warnings.
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Jim from Co | 1.23.10 @ 2:52AM
I just had an MRI done on my shoulder. They gave me a 30 second briefing, saying it'll be lound, handed me headphones and asked for my fav radio station - classic rock. After a commercial break i was rocking to none other than Edgar Winter's Frankenstein. The rythmic buzzing (changes every 2 minutes with .5 min break inbetween) blended in perfectly with the drum solos and EW's monster power riffs. How appropriate - I wiggled when i heard it come out, the nurse said "you ok in there", I yelled back "Awesome"! Also got ideas for some new ringtones.