By Bill Croke on 1.27.09 @ 6:07AM
In a dog's world, product placement is a dirty business.
The topic examined is self-explanatory, and in the interest of
decorum will be called "the product."
If anything good comes from the new administration just
inaugurated, it will be a national leash law, and a removal of
the product law, for the product is highly visible lately. We're
talking a "shovel-ready" New Deal WPA-type program designed to
purge the product from our parks and other public places.
We've had a thaw in Salmon, Idaho recently, and snow melting in
Island Park -- where I walk each afternoon -- has exposed a
goodly amount of the product. I've noticed that it's also present
in a frozen variation in sheets of thick ice slow to melt off the
walking trails. Anyway, it's everywhere. I counted roughly forty
deposits of the product one afternoon. It's not so noticeable in
the warm months thanks to the luxuriant greenery that hides it.
Other parts of the country have strict laws governing this, but
here in the West we have a libertarian attitude that seems to
say: "This is America and my dog can leave behind the product
wherever he wants to. After all, it's the natural course of
things, so what's the problem?" This attitude is fine considering
the West is home to vast expanses of public land. If cattle,
horses and sheep can leave the product all over Bureau of Land
Management (BLM) lands, why not dogs? There are millions of acres
of the public domain for Spike to happily run around on and drop
the product. Many Westerners take advantage of this opportunity.
But many are too lazy to go beyond the city limits. Hence those
filthy public parks and residential yards.
When I lived in Cody, Wyoming, I had a front yard (not so in
Salmon, where I live in a second floor walkup). I never ceased to
be amazed by the chutzpah of people who when walking their dogs
thought nothing of letting them squat and drop the product on the
lawn. One day I startled an elderly woman when I yelled at her
from my front doorway (this in the late morning, she must have
thought nobody was home). Anyway, she hustled off, dragging on a
leash the still- squatting terrier-type canine down the sidewalk.
Many people in Cody walked their dogs in the pre-dawn hours
before work, or afterwards at night. They were harder to catch.
Another lawn depositor regularly left the product at four or five
AM, and being asleep, I never caught them. Eternal vigilance is
the price of a tidy yard. The United States Congress, or the
president -- by way of Executive Order -- needs to act.
Then there's jumping dogs. Libertarian-minded Salmon has a
problem with leashes, especially in the park, where hordes of
anarchic pooches run free. Why do some people think it's okay to
let their dogs run wild? How dare we suggest that they restrain
Fido and Fifi? Unrestrained canines are either friendly or
not, and even the friendly ones are annoying with all that
enthusiastic slobbering and jumping, where they plaster you with
muddy paws while their masters (custodians? companions?) stand
nearby and futilely beckon them to stop and return to their side.
Of course, it's very politically incorrect to complain about
this, as I found out one day when I had sharp words with a man
about his border collie. His contention was that the dog
was -- again -- just being friendly, so what's the problem?
I countered by gesturing to a nearby mud puddle, and offered to
get my hands dirty and then plaster them all over his parka in a
reciprocal act of friendship. Luckily, we stayed about twenty
feet apart during this contentious discussion. Hence my call for
legislation instituting a National Leash Law.
Which brings me to cats. Why is that they don't need
restraining? Why is it that when they drop the product it's not
easily detectable? They even work hard to bury it in a kitty
litter box. And isn't it nice that they don't jump all over you
in effusive greeting, marking you with muddy paws? Cats that do
sometimes end up at the vet for a shot to cure some sort of
distemper. Their noble and detached demeanors are certainly
admirable. Cats are self-reliant in that good old-fashioned
Emersonian American way. Are they morally superior to dogs? Good
question. They certainly don't require a public works project to
clean up after them.
Here in the West government "manages" public lands; it "manages"
water; it "manages" wildlife. But unfortunately my next walk in
the park will again remind me that, yes, we may need government
to manage our pets. I implore the Obama Administration to take
this national problem seriously.
