Help Wanted
Position: Car Czar
Duties:
Restructure “Big Three” U.S. automakers
Save unionized jobs, American manufacturing, future U.S.
competitiveness
Repeat the phrase “too big to fail” over and over while appealing
to Congress for billions of dollars in taxpayer money
Qualifications:
Detailed knowledge of congressional preferences
essential
Must be willing to work without supervision
Detailed knowledge of auto industry not required
Despite some resistance in the Senate, the federal government
seems destined to pass a $15 billion bailout of Detroit-based
auto companies. As part of the proposed legislation, President
Bush would get to appoint a “car czar” to oversee the domestic
auto industry comprised of the “Big Three” automakers: Chrysler,
GM, and Ford.
The front-runner for the position is said to be attorney Kenneth
Feinberg, who has received heavy criticism for the way he ran the
compensation fund for families of the victims of September 11.
Obviously his background in law and victim compensation more than
qualifies him to fix the “Big Three” automakers.
Americans have had czars before. We had an inflation czar and an
energy czar in the 1970s. We have had drug czars since the 1980s.
These czars were appointed by U.S. presidents to lead us in
battle against some of our nation’s worst enemies: rising prices,
shortages, and uncontrollable dependencies. But like some of the
czars in Russia, our czars have not been too successful.
Now, some of Russia’s czars weren’t all bad. Czar Alexander II —
remember him? — did some things right. He ended serfdom. But
that was more than a century ago. Yet, his model of governance —
rule by decree — seems to be what Congress and the Bush
Administration are envisioning for the next U.S. czar.
And there could be more czars to come. Rumor has it the Obama
administration will appoint czars for climate change, energy
policy, and technology.
House speaker Nancy Pelosi is optimistic that picking a car czar
will rescue the auto industry. She said, “Come March 31, it is
our hope that there will be a viable automotive industry in our
country with transparency and accountability to the
taxpayer.”
Three months to fix an industry that’s been in trouble for
decades? That seems implausible to me. More likely on March 31st
our policy makers will understand that a czar can no more rescue
the U.S. auto industry than he could reform Russia. A million
people losing their jobs under czarist auto industry policies
should be a more than adequate critique of the czar-strategy.
Or maybe they won’t understand. Like Russian monarchists clinging
to their memories, American lawmakers want to wish away
insolvency by conjuring up billions of dollars out of nowhere and
handing taxpayers the bill. Taxpayers will have to pay the bills
of the banking industry. And AIG. And the state of California.
Why not cars?
I wish the car companies well. In the meantime, I’m updating my
resume for the next available czarship. My lack of qualifications
and inexperience in education policy has prepared me to be the
education policy czar. I’ll bring a “fresh” perspective and I’ll
have those schools turned around in no time.
