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At Large
Are Conservatives Stupid?
Speaking from personal experience.
(Page 2 of 2)
I was back on my favorite courts off Alabama Avenue in October, and my partner and I figured we could use the extra time provided by the disturbances in the financial markets to refine our plans. However, being realistic and hard-headed, we acknowledged that we had not made as much money selling tennis lessons as we has spent on new tennis shoes, and the women told us they had obtained a C of O from the city to open a restaurant and there would be a shortage of food in the back yards because they were busy until night-time supervising the installations in the kitchen.
The little Economist fact book has a section on consumer goods ownership, and it is clear, if statistics mean anything, that in those regions we researched all summer, there is an opportunity to sell a lot more than baseball caps.
My partner and I played a couple of hard sets on November 4, after voting early, and talked about taking our game indoors next time. A bit of a bite in the air, long lines, no McCain buttons, you realize you could be selling T-shirts made out of some of those newfangled materials to people who want to stay fit all winter. What we needed to do, nonetheless, was check out some commercial toasters. And I had a food-safety class the next day. Whole lot to do in this business. Whole lot to learn.
About the Author
Roger Kaplan, a Washington-based writer, covers the Middle East and Africa (and tennis) for The American Spectator.
Letter to the Editor View all comments (25) | Leave a comment
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dftg| 12.3.08 @ 6:41AM
i dont get it. humor?
BT| 12.3.08 @ 8:00AM
And this has what to do with being conservative or liberal?
Michael L. Hauschild| 12.3.08 @ 8:13AM
What the hell was that? Absolutely the defining example of why one should read the comments first.
Jeremiah| 12.3.08 @ 8:13AM
The concept of a "free market" looks good on paper but never seems to work in practice.
Liberals have been taught a tough lesson about the wealth and opportunity making of markets. Conservatives need to learn that clinging to the notion that markets solve every problem is not good sense, it's idolatry.
C. Ege| 12.3.08 @ 8:37AM
Really!!!!
kalani| 12.3.08 @ 9:45AM
Stupid and nonsensical. Is this guy trying to come out of the closet via this idiotic waste of words?
The Weaveress of Raveloe | 12.3.08 @ 9:52AM
My favorite parts:
My partner and I planned to become international traders and merchants. We were not going to invent derivatives and off-shores, not because either of us had an inkling of the fragility of these financial instruments (or even a vague sense of what they were), but because we thought ourselves old-fashioned practical men, who counted wealth in heads of cattle, houses, sons. We planned to fetch precious items in the East and bring them to the West. Then we would bring desirable goods from the West to the East. You get the idea. The West, as far as we could tell, was where we were.
[..]
I went to talk to a lawyer whom I knew, and he explained the difference between an LLC and a partnership and then he got a free tennis lesson. We prescribed a course concentrating on foot work and the cross-court shot due to his apparent backhand potential, but he did not take us up on it.
[..]
I followed his gaze to understand what you had to look for in your pupil. It was different from trying to teach illiterate teenagers to read John Winthrop, but there were some common denominators.
[..]
Although I was playing better than when I was on my high school varsity, though admittedly vanity disfigures memory as ideology does faith in free markets, I also had a few other items to take care of and as summer peaked I decided to go to France where I knew I would have time to draft our Definitive Business Plan, including all the submissions to the D.C. regulatory authorities.
[..]
I figured the campaign was over after the Palin nomination and I could extend my stay abroad, since we were assured of another stretch of free trade and economic growth, notably in the emerging markets. Real estate in Juba was a safe bet, particularly if we could get some plumbing fixtures over there -- big market --, and the demand for baseball caps in Sudan was palpable, notwithstanding some unpleasantness in Nyala involving young men with Kalashnikovs. Boys will be boys, and who says baseball caps can't be worn while wielding a AK-47?
Dear Mr. Kaplan,
I have often thought how much better the world would be if we learned to talk to each other in the parabolic style.
Sincerely,
The Weaveress of Raveloe
Daphne Kenward| 12.3.08 @ 10:30AM
What difference does it make who run's a bankrupt nation, librals or Republicans, the country is still Bankrupt. It's the same as the Catholics and the Islamics, both from the same school of thought. All high ranking Muslims are Freemasons, and all high ranking Catholics are Freemasons. When they swear their oath to the Freemason Organisation they don't use the Bible they use the Koran. The outsiders don't know that, Albert Pike, Morals and Dogmas. Top Ranking Freemason.
What is the difference between the Goims, and a 33 Degree Mason, the Goims think they are fighting for freedom and there is a difference between political parties. All 33 Degree Masons knows their main goal is to use the Goims to acheive their ultimate one world order which they will be in control, and the masses are nothing more than CANNON FODDER.
Havoc| 12.3.08 @ 10:46AM
Yeah, well - at least it's well-written. I think.
Thomas| 12.3.08 @ 10:59AM
Mr. Kaplan,
Hyperbole is a fine way to make a point, but it is always a good idea to restate the point of your story so that your meaning is clear. I,in an effort to expand my feeble intellect, re-read your piece twice [no I am not inherently masochistic] and still I was not able to clearly decipher your message. Clear communication is essential in the world of ideas. Cute parables lead to multiple interpretations and upon such are religious schisms and wars produced.
If I were you, I would find it distinctly disturbing that only Jeremiah, Daphne and the Weaveress seem to understand you piece.
Just trying to be helpful.
Astro| 12.3.08 @ 12:30PM
Hmmm. Sort of 'F. Scott Fizzled'.
Ya' know, it's not too late to learn a few guitar chords and become a rock star.
Spartuchis| 12.3.08 @ 12:36PM
Um...me no get. Me no get!
Tim| 12.3.08 @ 2:38PM
Kenward:
Your point is a good one.
Does anyone know if Obama is a High Ranking Free Mason?
If so, that would explain some of his establishment vote .
If he is not, is he then just part of the CANNON FODDER?
Obama Rules| 12.3.08 @ 2:51PM
Yes, Roger, they are. Thanks for asking.
Daphne Kenward| 12.3.08 @ 2:54PM
Conservatives are just a group of people in the American Republican party, that don't think for one minute, they could end up joining the ranks of the poor underclass.
The people who are more rational, recogonise that if Banks can go bust, people can also end up broke. They also think that anybody who is a Republican, that is a Govenor of a small state can be leader, without working out that, they just had the Govenor of Texas who started an illegal war, bankrupt America, crippled the Global Economy, and learnt nothing from it, that is what I call defiance. And Texas was a big State, and also an oil rich state.
But then it depends on what the people who control these brand of poppets, are looking for at the time, and what it is they wish to acheive.
ruth| 12.3.08 @ 5:41PM
Puppets, not poppets, Daphne. You're also wrong about Conservatives, get beyond your stereotypes! Not all conservatives are rich, far from it. We just believe in self-sufficiency and the freedom of the individual before God. At least I do.
L. Ross| 12.3.08 @ 6:30PM
Daphne, good to see you're still surfing a site that will expand your consciousness. Tragically, non of the knowledge here at The American Spectator seems to be penetrating your tinfoil hat.
For all you people who don't get this humor piece, try this on. (I know, if you have to explain a joke, it isn't funny).
Roger Kaplan was engaging in a bit of self-mockery. He actually liked to believe that he could be a mover and a shaker, but in his heart of hearts, he knows it's all just a pipe dream. Kind of like my dream to rule the world, or Daphne's dream of the perfect tin foil headgear.
bill| 12.3.08 @ 9:24PM
Daphne:
Go t0 huffingtonpost.com. They are more your type. You obviously do not know what a real conservative is. Trust me. You are likely a conservative. For example. Do you think the government should determine what temperature YOUR thermostat needs to be set to? Do you believe that the government has a right to tell YOU how to raise you children? Do you think that the government has to right to determine how much money YOU need to pay in taxes? Do you believe the government has the right to tell YOU what car to drive? Do you believe that the government should decide what charity YOUR tax dollars should go? I doubt it.
For example, would you support a government that forced you to buy an SUV? Would you support a government that taxed you at 91%? Would you support a government that told you what you could and could not eat?
If you answered no to any of the questions above, you are a conservative. Liberals are conservatives who want to put restrictions on others not themselves. Liberals want to tell others what cars to drive. Liberals want to tell others how to raise their children. Liberal want others ("the rich" - i.e. someone other then them) to pay higher taxes. Liberals want others to have to set their thermostats at a specific temperature.
Conservatives believe that government needs to keep it's nose out of people's business. If people want to set their thermostat at 78 then fine. If people want to set their thermostat at 68 then fine. People should pay little in taxes. People should be able to choose what charities they want THEIR money to go. People should be able to choose the car they drive. People know better how to raise THEIR children then the government. etc. etc. etc.
Liberals are hypocrites. Their moto: "Do unto others as you would NOT do unto yourself"
Dai Alanye | 12.3.08 @ 10:03PM
Shall we take up a collection for Daphne so she can buy more medicine? Seems she's already had enough koolaid.
chuckie| 12.3.08 @ 10:12PM
I don't think Daphne's cave has a thermostat.
Avitar| 12.4.08 @ 12:44PM
America Conservitive Definition:
-Conservatism - policies that have succeeded based on empirical evidence.-
The founding fathers took items that worked in cities at historical times, scaled them up to states, and then moved to scale policies up to the nation.
One of the very important things to remember is that a Conservative does not always advance policies whose goals are obvious. A good number of conservatives had been advancing free trade of late knowing that it will not work. Free trade has a very nice theoretical foundation. Historically trade wars are the rule and free trade rarely is a success. Hong Kong is the exception, which proves the rule
The half trillion dollar current account deficits that we have been running for the last decade as a result of the WTO have had the effect of putting a hundred million Chinese to work making consumer goods. Over the same time, this has vastly reduced the social forces in China for war. The Bush policy has been expensive but a very small cost compared to a third world war and it has changed the nature of China. A desirable goal accomplished by conservative means but in no way clear.
Ms. Know| 12.6.08 @ 9:59PM
No they're not stupid, it's just the mainstream media illuminati shower the liberals with nothing but praise, and portray the conservatives in such a negative light.
gavin| 12.6.08 @ 10:23PM
i think daffy kenwad is actually an am-spec plant.every article has Daffy talking about what a good stalinist she is.I think she is an invention of the am-spec staff.so the most lame articles get treated like the not lame articles.ergo," my article must have been trenchant 'cause daffy 'tack it"
"no way man we have a daffey 'tack on all articles"
Daphne Kenward| 12.7.08 @ 2:01PM
Chuckie.
I have a thermostat, in my cave but it does'nt work because it was made in America.