The American Spectator

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Escape From Desiderata

7.24.08 @ 12:01AM

BLAST FROM THE PAST
Re: James Bowman's Desired Things:

James Bowman, by even bothering to note the passing of Les Crane, treats "Desiderata" with far more respect than it merits. Even from the moment it came out, both the poem -- and more so, the recording of it -- were objects of contempt and ridicule, perhaps the most damning of all being the National Lampoon's parody, "Deteriorata," which begins:

Introduction

You are a fluke
Of the universe.
You have no right to be here....
Deteriorata! Deteriorata!

Go placidly
Amid the noise and waste.
And remember what comfort there may be
In owning a piece thereof.

It mainly consists of a serious of banal non-sequiturs, in much the same manner as the original:

Avoid quiet and passive persons
Unless you are in need of sleep.

Ro-tate your tires.

Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself
And heed well their advice,
Even though they be turkeys.

Know what to kiss...and when!

Consider that two wrongs never make a right
But that THREE.........do.

Wherever possible, put people on hold.

The parody ends on a perfect note, capturing the utter insipidity of the original and making impossible even to she the lame poster without bursting into gut-busting laughter:

Be comforted that in the face of all aridity and disillusionment
And despite the changing fortunes of time,
There is always a big future in computer main-te-nance.

Therefore, make peace with your god
Whatever you conceive him to be--
Hairy thunderer, or cosmic muffin.

With all its hopes, dreams, promises and urban renewal
The world continues to deteriorate.

GIVE UP!

Reprise

You are a fluke
Of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
And whether you can hear it or not
The universe is laughing behind your back.

Indeed, the universe is. I suspect that the people who bought Les Crane's album, or who decorated their basement crashpads back in the '60s with the psychedelic poster, are beginning to realize this is true.
-- Stuart Koehl
Falls Church, Virginia

The movie "Love Serenade" may be, as you say, the most brilliant use of the execrable poem "Desiderata," but a strong contender would have to be National Lampoon's 1972 recording "Deteriorata."

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