The American Spectator

Here’s what you do: say you didn’t write the legislation because you were opposed to gay marriage. Say it was all about your support for federalism and state’s rights.

With regard to gay marriage and the Federal Marriage Amendment, in my view the FMA does nothing except to protect liberty of citizens of each state on what basis they want to recognize marriage. Are there some libertarians who believe differently? I’m sure there are, and I’m sure we’ll engage in some debates down the road.

If it’s absolutely necessary, say you’ll repeal the law you wrote yourself, because now things are different:

The second provision, I’ve come to view as both unnecessary and disruptive. It has the federal definition of marriage as being “a lawful union between a man and a woman only.” I’ve committed to repeal that part of DOMA.

4. Suck Up Like An Industrial Strength Vacuum Cleaner: It is crucial whenever you are flip-flopping to win over the people you are flipping towards. If they buy it, you’re home free. They’ll take you in and defend you against any criticism, however warranted.

Most flip-flops fail because the flipper doesn’t really believe what he is saying and he doesn’t bother to try to convince those people who really believe. Thus he earns not their admiration but their contempt.

You avoid this trap by through aggressive flattery. Let them believe the dazzling brilliance of their arguments got you to switch sides. One great way to do this is to give shout-outs in interview after interview to your new allies:

I was asked (to join the LP) by two individuals I respect. One is Bill Redpath, the national chairman, and the other is Executive Director Shane Cory. I know both very well. When they asked me to consider it was very important to them.

[…]

The Libertarian Party also worked against me in 2002 It caused me to take a close, hard look: Why would they work against me? The more I looked, the more I liked what I saw.

5. Always Portray Your Flip-Flopping As The Culmination of Your Ideological rEVOLution: Do not portray yourself as a maverick, an independent, a free-thinker or any other kind of spineless wimp. Do not think that doing so is a way to win over the mushy middle. All it does is give people a chance to think, “Well, he keeps changing his positions. How long will he hold the ones he has now?”

No, tell people you’ve seen the light. You were blind, but now you see. Glory, glory, hallelujah:

I chose to join the Libertarian Party because at this time in our nation’s history, it’s fundamentally essential to join a party, work with a party, that’s 100 percent committed to protecting liberty.

There. Five simple steps to political reincarnation so solid they’ll allow you to come back even if you wound up on the business end of that Borat movie. Alan Keyes, take notes.