The American Spectator

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Another Perspective

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THIS COULD BE easily arranged. The National Rifle Association is officially neutral on drilling ANWR, but an informal survey reveals that among rank-and-file NRA members, caribou is just another word for "venison."

Some clever congressman could slip an amendment into the next omnibus appropriations bill, putting a federal bounty on Alaskan caribou. Next thing you know, you'd have hunters swarming all over ANWR, gunning down the varmints that are keeping us away from those 86 billion barrels. This would also give a much-needed stimulus to the economy, especially the taxidermy industry.

By 2010, every redneck in Alabama could have a caribou head mounted on the wall of his doublewide trailer, and there wouldn't be a caribou left alive within 500 mile of that ANWR oil field.

Caribou will no longer be classified as "endangered" once they're extinct. And after the hunters are finished wiping out Alaska's antlered menace, we'll turn 'em loose on that feathered pest that's been screwing up the timber industry in the Pacific Northwest.

Spotted owl, the other white meat.

topics:
John McCain, Barack Obama, Environment, NATO, Energy, Alaska, Oil