Although much of the country dreads it like the plague, there is
a chance that if Barack Obama wins the White House, Democrats would
control the Legislative and Executive branches of our government,
as did the Republicans during half of President Bush’s two terms.
But there is also the chilling prospect that they will reach the
magic number of 60 votes in the Senate, which would give them the
filibuster-proof power that the GOP could only dream about.
But there is, as always, a silver lining to the dark cloud of
liberalism that would enshroud the country should things go badly
in November. If you’re like me and enjoy listening to talk radio,
you’ve realized that some of the stations that carry our favorite
shows are old-media network affiliates that usually reflect the
leftist view. And you often wonder what need they have of the
Fairness Doctrine, when in the midst of the Rush Limbaugh Show, you
are bombarded with constantly negative reporting by liberal
dependables like Vic Ratner and Ann Compton of ABC News.
Negative, that is, as long as Republicans occupy the White
House. But, should disaster strike and the donkey party ascend,
don’t worry; everything will be coming up roses. Not in reality of
course, but in the way that a 5% unemployment rate under Bill
Clinton was cause for ecstasy, while the same number under George
W. Bush inspires the headline: “Jobs weak, unemployment soars!” Or
the way that homeless numbers seem to increase during Republican
administrations and magically disappear under the loyal
opposition.
So once the Democrats are firmly ensconced in the seat of power,
the results will surely be higher taxes, socialized medicine and
the emboldening of our enemies; but rest assured that all will be
sunny in the media. Just close your eyes and imagine yourself on
the couch come February with a pitcher of very dry martinis, tuning
in to NBC Nightly News with Keith Olbermann:
Olbermann: Good evening. Tonight’s top story:
Peace in Iraq at long last. At a press conference on Capitol Hill,
congressional leaders cited Department of Defense statistics to
point out that U.S. casualties are at historic low, prompting
Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid to declare victory.
Reid: It’s clear by now that the policies of
the last three weeks have paid off and it’s even clearer that the
diplomatic surge planned by our president has finally convinced the
Iraqis that it’s time for them to stand on their own two feet. In
light of this good news, I’m introducing legislation that will
reduce our defense budget and divert these funds to truly
strengthen our national security by developing alternative energy
options like the proposed windmill farm in Searchlight, Nevada.
Olbermann: It’s about time. It’s truly a shame
that the Republicans weren’t big enough to stand up with Reid to
applaud President Obama’s victory. In other news, Secretary of
State Sandy Berger declared that, in spite of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s
recent claim that, and I quote, “We are now fully capable of wiping
the Israeli pigs off the face of the Earth by next month,” there is
nothing to fear from a tiny country like Iran. In an interview with
Meet the Press host Arianna Huffington, Berger
explained:
Berger: The State Department fully stands
behind the intelligence gathered by our special envoys Jimmy Carter
and Bill Clinton on their recent trip to Tehran, where they found
no evidence of nuclear weaponry development. On the other hand, it
is our belief that Iran will be persuaded to give up its nuclear
arms program by the threat of President Obama’s planned diplomatic
surge. That is, in case they do have one.
Olbermann: Well said, Mr. Secretary. In a
related story, President Barack Obama has proposed an Oil for Food
type program to deal with the impact of sanctions imposed on Iran
by the alarming number of hawks among our so-called NATO allies. In
a spirited White House news conference, President Obama was
aggressively peppered with questions like this from our own Helen
Thomas:
Thomas: President Obama, isn’t it true that,
although you have the best interests of innocent Irani civilians at
heart, this program will actually benefit the rest of the world by
tempering their war-like attitude toward the peaceful intentions of
a highly religious people who have been demonized for years by the
former administration and its Israeli lapdogs?
Obama: Oh boy, Helen, that’s a tough one! The
short answer is yes. How can you label a country “evil,” and then
blame it for acting that way? All I can say is, the ways of the
previous administration are not my ways.
Olbermann: Now that’s the kind of change we
really can believe in! Turning to domestic news, we go live now to
the nation’s heartland. Reporting from a Lukoil gas station in
Detroit, Michigan is our own Spencer Dash. What’s up, Spencer?
Dash: The news here is a mixed bag, Keith.
While it’s true that gas is over nine dollars a gallon, folks here
are reaping the benefits brought about by cycling and power-walking
to work. One African-American single mom told me that between the
city-wide ban on fast food restaurants and her two-mile walk to her
kids’ school, she’s managed to drop two and a half pounds in just a
month! And, with less cars on the road it’s a safer and healthier
trip for everyone!
Olbermann: Terrific! Tell me Spence, just to
dispel a few racist rumors floating around D.C., is there any truth
to the report that yesterday’s small explosion in nearby Dearborn
was tied to terrorism in any way?
Dash: Um, no; no way Keith. My sources tell me
that it was a mishap caused by some unruly young guests returning
from a local wedding where fireworks are often used to celebrate
the nuptials. City officials have confirmed that there is no cause
for alarm and that they have, in fact, refused the help of the
Department of Homeland Security and FEMA in cleaning up the debris
and caring for the victims.
Olbermann: Wow, great news Spence! As I always
say, the government that governs least, governs best. Next up in
sports: New York Yankees payroll tops $300 million. Should Congress
investigate?
