The American Spectator

The new paradigm is global lukewarming.

Naturally, as the creator of this concept, I will expect a modest royalty for the use of the term and all subsequent applications of the theory, the bulk of which I promise will be applied to maintaining global equilibrium. Towards this end, I would like to announce the formation of the Goldilocks Institute of global climate control. Our motto: “This part of the planet is too hot, that part is too cold. It must be juuuuuuuuuuuust right.” The institute will work tirelessly for the maintenance of global equilibrium. For example, those who insist on purchasing carbon credits to prevent global warming will now also purchase an equal number of carbon debits in order to prevent global cooling. Since carbon credits are made by planting trees, carbon debits will come from logging those trees. Obviously, planting and then uprooting trees is a pointless expenditure of limited resources, but I have come up with a brilliant (if I say so myself) solution. As the first entrepreneur to address the carbon equilibrium credit/debit issue, I will be glad to take money in return for not planting trees that I then don’t have to harvest. The model for this program has been tried to great effect through our farm subsidy programs, and I anticipate that I should do at least as much for the environment as those farmers who received subsidies for not planting crops, like Sam Donaldson.

p>Don’t thank me, I’m a humanitarian. While a Nobel Prize is always a nice paperweight, I’ll settle for the knowledge that I have made the world a better place for our children. Just make sure that the checks don’t bounce. br> — Mike Harris /p>

After reading Mr. McCain’s speech on environmental issues and his idiotic approach to solving the problem, his quest for amnesty for illegals, his past performance on tax cuts and campaign reform makes me wonder if I can in all good conscience vote for him. But, on the other hand, what the choice between Hillary or Obama makes me want to cry. Then we get to the Democrat led congress leading the spineless Republicans around by the nose makes my pace maker over heat. Now I have to go out and buy gasoline at nearly $4 a gallon when we have millions of barrels of crude oil lying just off shore but even if we were able to extract it, where in the hell could we refine it since we haven’t built a new refinery since the early 1970s.

p>Woe is me. br> — Tom Bullock br> West Covina, California /p>

Remarkable, loved every word! I’ve e-mailed it to anyone I can think of, of any importance.

p>Please keep writing about Global Warming — you’re spot on. Keep up the good work, br> —