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Pull out that 1040. Start by cutting the number of dependents. Who cares if you have kids or are taking care of a parent? Don’t declare them.
Line 7, for “wages, salaries, tips, etc.”, is even better. Put down the salary you always felt you deserved. Toss in some imaginary tips. After all, you tip waiters and hair stylists. In a just world everyone should be tipping you for being a good, liberal humanitarian and here’s your chance to send that message.
Next, toss in some extra, taxable interest, and add phantom dividends and capital gains. For a fleeting moment, you too can feel like the reincarnation of John D. Rockefeller and Andrew Carnegie.
Claiming alimony seems a bit prosaic, but doing so does strike a blow against those who claim marriage should be inviolable. There’s also a line for farm income — what could be better than telling the government that you’re a common yeoman, salt of the earth?
And putting down some unemployment compensation would indicate your solidarity with all the victims of outrageous trade deals.
SCHEDULE C OR “BUSINESS” income also offers a wealth of VCS opportunities. Here’s another chance to claim some extra pay. For instance, Bill Clinton could dream up having another 20 or 30 speeches at 100k a clip, perhaps with sniper fire involved. Lesser liberals without his unparalleled earning capacity could claim a couple $5,000 faux payments.
Normally the IRS expects you to tell the truth on your tax form, but revenue officials won’t mind if you declare more than you actually received.
Overall, any good liberal should inflate his or her income by at least a third. If you haven’t got there yet, there’s always line 21 for “Other income.” You’re supposed to list the sources, so let your imagination run riot.
Put down everything you imagine that the evil, undeserving capitalists typically receive — royalties, bribes, bonuses, and pay-offs, as well as the proceeds from blackmail, extortion, child and sweatshop labor, and so much more. Here’s your chance to live the ultimate right-wing fantasy.
It almost goes without saying that any good liberal should avoid “adjusting” his or her income. Everything from “certain business expenses” to moving costs to “domestic production activities” to alimony paid is deductible — but shouldn’t be. There’s a line for health savings accounts, which shouldn’t even exist, since the government should run healthcare.
The deduction for the self-employed SEP and other retirement plans is similarly flawed. It’s the government’s job to take care of retirees. No self-respecting liberal would take advantage of these write-offs.
As for itemized deductions, those too should be verboten. Welfare, not charity, is how we should take care of the poor.
And why should anyone be able to deduct taxes paid to states and localities? We all owe those governments just like we owe Uncle Sam. Paying our just due (actually, only part of our just due, since state taxes are woefully inadequate) to them shouldn’t reduce our contribution to the Feds.
The 1040 also lists a host of tax credits — for child and dependent care, education, residential energy, foreign taxes, children, retirement savings, and “other.” They cheat the government by reducing taxes paid dollar-for-dollar.
A man of faith in a godless age is hitting Americans where it hurts.
Mr. and Mrs. American Spectator Reader, let P.J. O’Rourke talk sense to your kids.
In Britain, defending your property can get you life.
The debacle of this president’s administration is both a cause and a symptom of the decline of American values. Unless Congress impeaches him, that decline will go on unchecked. An eminent jurist surveys the damage and assesses the chances for the recovery of our culture.
It won’t take long for conservatives to scratch this presidential wannabe off their 2008 scorecard.
The American Christmas, like the songs that celebrate it, makes room for everybody under the rainbow. Is that why so many people seem to be hostile to it?
Was the President done in by the economy, or by the politics of the economy?
H/T to National Review Online