The American Spectator

Less than a week after President Bush vetoed a $35 billion expansion of the State Children’s Health Insurance Program, Congressional Democrats hastily organized another showdown with the White House by passing the Children, Mothers, Orphans, Puppies, Soldiers, Baseball, Country Music, and Beer Protection Act and immediately begging the president to veto it.

“This bill is about protecting the most vulnerable among us,” said Sen. Harry Reid, D-Nevada. “It’s about guaranteeing the safety of our children, the security of our mothers, the happiness of our puppies, and the long-term viability of our national pastime and the country music industry. And it subsidizes every domestic beer maker to the point that they can immediately drop their prices to $1.29 a six-pack and still stay in business. Oh, please, God, let President Bush veto this bill.”

To ensure that President Bush got the message, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi released a statement saying, “Speaking as a woman, I don’t think the president is man enough to veto this bill. Only a real man would veto a bill this popular. I mean, it would take a humongous pair of cojones to veto this bill, and everyone knows Bush’s swagger is, well, affected, if you know what I mean.”

At a ceremony celebrating the bill’s passage, Democrats passed out free Budweiser as Willie Nelson and Kenny Rogers performed the first of what were to be thousands of federally funded country music concerts throughout the nation.

Congressional Republicans sent the president a letter urging him not to succumb to the Democrats’ taunts.

“We all know this bill is a $1 trillion boondoggle that makes the Great Society look like a grade school fun-fair by comparison,” the letter read. “And while we appreciate your newfound dedication to keeping spending down, we appreciate even more riding in limousines, eating at fashionable Georgetown restaurants, seeing ourselves on C-Span, and having post offices and college libraries named after us.

“In other words, we’re asking to have the old George W. Bush back. We know you’re in there, old buddy. Now do the right thing and let this massive spending hike go so more than three of us will have our seats after next fall. Polling shows that this bill is supported by every demographic in every House district in the country — except Ron Paul’s. Which is why all of us, except Rep. Paul and Sen. Coburn, voted for it. You must do this for the party, Mr. President. And if not for the party, for our kids’ elite Virginia boarding school educations.”

Even as they ramped up the political pressure on the president, Democrats were having aides drawing up another bill, tentatively titled the “Porn, Pizza, and Lottery Ticket Distribution Act of 2007.”