The American Spectator

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The Cretin Hop

By Greg Gutfeld on 9.13.07 @ 12:06AM

(Page 2 of 2)

Right-wingers and right-leaning libertarians would never think of screwing over their families and friends when it comes to financial or chore obligations. In fact, they pride themselves on being completely, 100 percent dependable. They pay for their drinks, and they'll take care of your plants when you're away. And they won't record over your only copy of America's Best Sports Bloopers. That's because they're nice.

And that's the most comical irony of modern-day liberals: They are not nice. And they can't be. A progressive must be tolerant of everyone and everything, and that turns them into witless monsters. Or cretins. And so I go out of my way to meet them, here at a Village Voice event on Coney Island. In one afternoon, as a cretin-identifier, I've nailed about seven or eight thousand. That's like a month's work done in one evening.

I should probably take a break and buy my wife dinner. And not a hot dog. Something classier. Chicken wings. That'll work.

Letter to the Editor

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