WASHINGTON — Stuffy old London is all jitters about a new craze
in woman’s fashion, the niqab. It is a black gown that covers the
ladies from head to toe. Even their arms are covered. Two slits,
somewhat reminiscent of the slits in armored personnel carriers,
allow the ladies to see out. There are no openings for the
nostrils. How the ladies breath is a mystery. Perhaps they carry
oxygen packs.
The heavy black garment is generally worn only by British
Muslims, though possibly non-Muslim British ladies are also wearing
niqabs. How would one know? For that matter, how would one know if
there were more than one woman under a passing niqab, or perhaps a
man, or two women and a goat? That is the problem, according to
British authorities. No one knows what is going on under a nearby
niqab.
Frankly, I would think that religiously strict mullahs also
would be alarmed. There could be a man and a woman illicitly
cohabiting under a nearby niqab, or just a rude woman sticking her
tongue out at him. Compared to a miniskirt or a thong, a niqab is
actually quite subversive. That is the view of British authorities.
Some months ago, the Labour Party politician Jack Straw barred
niqab-wearing women from his offices, even if they were wearing
Chanel No. 5 and whistling “God Save the Queen.”
According to my research, the niqab (pronounced
Ni-♥♣®â‰
) is a relatively new fashion trend among Muslim women, dating back
only 600 years. Before that, the ladies wore relatively primitive
garb. The niqab was originally devised as an attempt at modesty
meant to mollify the raging libido of Muslim males, but it is
causing trouble in Britain where a gentleman’s libido is not so
problematic. Throughout the rest of Europe the niqab has already
been banned, and the French have even banned the hajib (pronounced
Ha-♣♥âˆ-∇),
which only covers a woman’s hair, somewhat like a babushka.
I doubt the niqab will ever be seen in America, where it would
doubtless bring to mind the flowing robes and masked headdresses of
the long-discredited Ku Klux Klan. True, the Klanspersons’ robes
were white, but that is a minor detail. The fact is that, owing to
the Klansmen’s controversial views and tendency towards extreme
mayhem, we Americans banned most of their behavior long ago, even
cross burning.
I wonder how American Muslims would be treated if they adopted
the practice of cross burning. Actually, for some Muslim
fundamentalists, cross burning would be one of their more moderate
religious expressions. American liberals are taking an increasingly
tolerant view of Muslim pietism. Only recently did authorities in
Minneapolis act against Muslim taxi drivers who booted passengers
from their vehicles rather than allow the infidels to stop off at a
local liquor store to pick up some firewater.
So possibly I am wrong. Possibly our liberals will allow
American Muslims to don flowing robes and masks, at least during a
cross burning at Friday prayers. You know that our liberals would
go along with the recent fatwa of the Egyptian cleric Ezzat Attiya,
who endeavored to allow unmarried men and women to work together in
a modern workplace by ruling that if the men breastfed from their
female co-workers working together would be A-OK. Breast-feeding,
according to Islamic law, establishes a maternal relationship. Thus
the male worker who nursed from his colleague would not be
suspected of coveting her or having any sort of adulterous
relationship whatsoever. Perhaps they could even engage in ballroom
dancing after hours.
If all this sounds faintly absurd it is meant to. The response
of Western democracies to the excesses of fundamentalist Islam is
approaching the absurd. There is in our free societies abundant
precedent for limiting provocative behavior. Unfortunately, many of
our liberals are susceptible to the complaints of those who hate
us. They were susceptible to communists and in the 1930s they were
even susceptible to Nazis. It is my hope that the British
authorities will ban the niqab and return to a celebration of the
miniskirt. I personally admire a woman who has nothing to hide.
