An open letter to America’s symphony
conductors.
Dear Maestro,
I am a long-time devotee of the performing arts — particularly
classical music. Aside from talking, cell phones and coughing,
nothing mars a performance more than applause between movements.
And, other than cowboy hats and tractor hats, nothing marks a
community more as a backwater of the beaux arts than such
a robust expression of rubedom.
Fortunately, I have a solution for the applause faux
pas. And, whichever symphony adopts it first would be
recognized as most avant-garde in the music world. Think
of it as Indy Car (or NASCAR) meets Mozart! The idea came to me at
a recent concert by The Indianapolis Symphony Orchestra performing
Brahms’ Violin Concerto — right after the applause for the first
movement.
Instead of a baton, Maestro, you could have a rack of flags —
just like the starter at the Indy 500 or NASCAR races. The green
flag to start is obvious. Less so would be the innovative use of
the yellow flag to cue the orchestra into a lento passage
or an adagio movement. Similarly, the flag with diagonal
stripe would be used like its counterpart in auto racing and would
mean, “move over, you are being passed,” waved as a way of bringing
on the featured soloist launching into his/her cadenza. Hopefully,
Maestro, you would not have to use the black flag to tell an
offending orchestra member “stop playing: you are dropping notes on
the track.”
The subtleties of the foregoing flags might be lost on all but
the most sophisticated of race fans and classical devotees. But the
true beauty of the symphony flags, beyond their color values, rests
with the red, white and checkered! Imagine yourself, Maestro, with
yellow and green flag in hand, reaching for the rack and gracefully
retrieving the red flag. This you would then flourish (still
unfurled) in a dramatic pause above your head, before a forceful
rotational clockwise swirl, beginning and ending in the 12 o’clock
position. You could even engage in a jete jump to add
emphasis if you were so inclined. It would be a breathtaking moment
— free from the disruption of applause.
Moving on to the final movement, you could begin a
grandioso waving of the white flag, together with the
green to indicate the finale. This visual cue would allow
those who don’t know the music to truly appreciate the climax. The
performance would have a dramatic conclusion as you brandished the
checkered flag! Again, this would allow you every sort of
ballet-inspired acrobatic expression — perhaps a cabriole
jump!
Such a finale would bring down the house, so to speak! In
addition to the thunderous applause, the audience (fans) would feel
free to indulge their new-found (and now knowledgeable) passion for
the beaux arts by whistling and even assorted rebel yells.
There might even be John Deere and Co-Op hats tossed in the air!
Think of it, Maestro!
But please don’t wait too long to implement this innovation. I
am offering it first to the Indianapolis Symphony Orchestra — “the
capital of auto racing.” But I am also offering it to my hometown
Grand Junction Symphony Orchestra (Colorado). Should they refuse to
act, the idea is open to the first symphony to contact me.
As my civic contribution to whichever orchestra acts first, I
will relinquish my intellectual property rights to the licensing
and marketing of “Symphony Flags.” I am convinced that desktop
souvenir sets of Symphony Flags with the inscription on the base
“I see’d ‘n hear’d the music!” would be a
blockbuster, helping to fund proper venues for great symphony
orchestras throughout the country.
Eagerly awaiting your response.
