The American Spectator

With my new book, The Clinton Crack-Up: The Boy President’s Life After The White House, safely in the bookstores I can now pause to reflect on the adventure of following the Boy President through his tumultuous retirement, that being the main subject of the book.

What were the high points and what of the lows? Well, certainly the low point was hearing that my subject had been rushed to hospital with his pipes clogged. Worse, he was to visit with Hillary before open heart surgery and perhaps play board games with her — talk about putting a patient in harm’s way! What if she smacked him a good one with the board? As I report in the book, Hillary pounds Bill around on a regular basis. Could the Secret Service not intervene? When Bill entered the hospital in 2004 it appeared that my book on his retirement might be a very short one, a mere opuscule.

Thankfully Bill survived his surgery, and my network of sources went back to work, reporting to me on his astoundingly remunerative speaking binges worldwide, his amours, the lonely death of his dog, Hillary’s continued tantrums. It is all there in The Clinton Crack-Up, as is a report on what had to be the high point of my research, to wit, stopping in on his 60th birthday party in Toronto, “crashing,” as the young would say.

There is a book out this spring, Stealing Lincoln’s Body, elucidating my great great grandfather, Patrick Daniel Tyrrell’s role as a Secret Service agent in surveilling a dastardly plot to steal the 16th president’s body, so obviously a capacity for undercover work is part of my genetic inheritance. Professional that I am I cannot reveal precisely how I got into Bill’s birthday party, but I left with evidence. We had our picture taken together. For some reason the Clintons would not let us use the picture in my book, but now Frontpagemag.com has unearthed the photo and run it on the web. You can see it at frontpagemag.com. I think you will agree the two of us look relaxed and pleased to be in each other’s company. Admittedly Bill looks somewhat aged, confirming my belief that recreational sex can prove deleterious. Yet why would the Clintons deny us the use of this picture? It is another example of their bullying ways.

After the picture was snapped, I wished Bill “Happy Birthday Mr. President” and rejoined the dinner. His sorely pressed ticker may not allow him many more bashes on this scale. For the rest of the details, get the book. It was an amusing evening, and there is other information about the Clintons in the book that every American will profit from reading, particularly the campaign staffs of Senator Barack Obama and former Senator John Edwards. Doubtless both campaigns have their copies. I would be glad to sign them.

The hard news I brought away from my evening with Bill in Toronto is that he has failed dramatically from the rubicund health of his presidential days (review our picture!). In fact, no president has fallen into decay so rapidly in retirement as Bill. Some retired presidents, for instance, Richard Nixon, have actually regained vigor. I knew RN in retirement and can attest to this fact. Bill is not faring well. From my brief renewal of our acquaintance in Toronto I came away feeling I could help him survive into a sunny old age. If Hillary would allow Bill and me to get together, I would confide to him my regimen: exercise daily, consume a balanced diet, take a nocturnal nip of whiskey, smoke an occasional cigar, read good books, write your own stuff, sleep eight hours a night, and observe your marital vows — even if it has to be from a distance. Finally, get out of politics. The times they are a-changing. Look at the run Senator Obama is making.