This past week’s Democratic debate in South Carolina was a
tune-up for 2008’s main event: The Denver Derby, where, in August
of that year, the party will choose its front-runner. Yes, the
Denver Derby; the most exciting sixteen months in politics, the run
for the poseurs. This contest is for thirty-five year olds and
upward, foaled in the United States and ready for a step up in
class.
But unlike the Kentucky Derby’s Churchill Downs, the debate site
was more like Chamberlain Park; with all eight runners streaking
toward the appeasement of our enemies. Still, unless there are any
late entries, one of this field will stand a good chance at
competing for the coveted Commander-In-Chief Trophy.
Like any race, it is not always the swift who carry off the
prize. Breeding, experience, stamina and training go a long way
toward the making of a champion. So grab a mint julep, get ready to
sing “My Old Kentucky Home” and enjoy the first jewel in the Triple
Crown while yours truly handicaps the Denver Derby.
Name: Hillary Clinton
Foaling State: Illinois
Silks: Black, Pink Sash with Red, White and Blue Cap
Trainer: Riady Racing LLC
Odds: 3 to 1
Skinny: This mare was originally out of the Rodham Stables,
although her name no longer reflects this. She broke her maiden as
a co-entry with future gelding Bill Clinton in 1992 White House
Stakes Race. She won the Empire State Distaff in 2000 after Rudy
Giuliani was a late scratch in the main event. Definitely an inside
mover but a stumble in the Iraq Futurity may have cost her.
Prediction: A show, at best.
Name: Christopher J. Dodd
Foaling State: Connecticut
Silks: Sandinista Red and Black with Olive Drab Castro Cap
Trainer: Hartford Investment & Insurance Lobby Farms
Odds: 30 to 1
Skinny: This former stable-mate of 2004 also-ran Joe Lieberman is a
perennial favorite on the Nutmeg circuit, but can only perform on
local tracks. Disregard the dosage index, as his sire ran as an
anti-Communist moderate, but this runner shows no hint of it.
Prediction: Will soon be put to stud at the Northeastern Liberal
Presidential Candidates Retirement Farm.
Name: John Edwards
Foaling State: South Carolina
Silks: White with Red Cross Marking on Back, Flashing Red Ball on
Cap
Trainer: Crossing Over Stables
Odds: 5 to 1
Skinny: Stumbled out of gate in 2004 before recovering to run on
the coattails of European circuit favorite John F. Kerry. The
talent of his grooms aside, don’t disregard this entry’s other
attributes; his ability to channel dead children and raise the sick
from wheelchairs could well propel him to the winner’s circle in
the Snake Oil Stakes should his bid here fail.
Prediction: Worth a possible exacta play with Bill Richardson on
top.
Name: Al Gore
Foaling State: District of Columbia
Silks: Subject to Post-Time Decision By Trainer
Trainer: Gaia Stabling & Carbon Futures Trading LLC
Odds: 7 to1
Skinny: This veteran runner is a favorite of longtime railbirds who
remember his loss by a nose in the 2000 Derby. Although he is not
an official entrant in this race, his handlers report that he is
fit and ready, having spent the last few seasons dancing around the
truth.
Prediction: Carrying too much baggage. Will never leave the
paddock.
Name: Dennis Kucinich
Foaling State: Ohio
Silks: Green
Trainer: Move On Racing
Odds: Off the Board
Skinny: This plucky perennial, who always seems suspect from a
class perspective, is nonetheless a worthy entrant who will serve
as a pacer for the rest of the field. A winner of the Daily Kos
Claiming Cup, he will push the other runners far to the rail of
world peace.
Prediction: Out of the running but happy.
Name: Barack Obama
Foaling State: Hawaii
Silks: Rainbow
Trainer: Tyro Farms
Odds: 3 to 1
Skinny: Despite his lack of seasoning, the rumor around the barn is
that he’s worth a look. An inexperienced colt in a veteran field,
he must add blinkers and mud caulks should a two-horse race develop
with Hillary Clinton.
Prediction: In too deep this time out, but look for his return to
this venue as a three-year old.
Name: Bill Richardson
Foaling State: California
Silks: Kelly Green, Fort Knox Gold and Wedding Gown White A’s
Cap
Trainer: Whitewater Racing & Development Corp.
Odds: 9 to 1
Skinny: Like his chances at this distance. His experience on
foreign turf will enhance his chances with Turtle Bay backers. His
Hispanic breeding is also a bonus for those not yet ready to invest
in the mare or yearling in this contest.
Prediction: Says here, this is the favorite.
(Note: The odds quoted are here.)
