The American Spectator

TAS Live

What Do I Know?

By Greg Gutfeld on 5.1.07 @ 12:08AM

(Page 3 of 4)

*It's not that Hummers are environmentally immoral. It's that they're ostentatious and absurd on a highway. But if you roll it over a Prius, you're okay by me.

* Deepak Chopra is smarter than all of us. But like a modern-day Rasputin, he uses his powers for evil to rip off misguided women and should probably be thrown into a bottomless pit.

* But you can never be too sure about bottomless pits these days -- what with the regulations -- so we should probably put spikes at the bottom.

* If saxophones were shoes, you'd never wear them.

* Photographers got into taking pictures to get girls. And for the most part, it worked. That's why I don't like photographers around my wife.

* Adventurers deserve whatever they get from their foolhardiness. If you don't hear from a mountain climber in a month, you should get his car, his house, and his wife.

* Yogurt is effeminized oatmeal.

* We are the least racist society in the history of the world. Most bigotry expressed in our culture is done solely to start or end a fight in a bar.

* Chinese takeout menus could be boiled down to eight things.

* Small things are adorable only when they're small. I've said it before: Hitler was an adorable baby.

* Dolly Parton when naked expands to three times her clothed size.

*All my friends who run marathons are on Prozac.

* Protesters care less about the issues than they do about their genitals. In fact, it's their genitals that make them protest.

* No one really works at Best Buy. They just make sure you leave the store with a receipt.

* Woman falling in the snow is funny, especially when they land on their rear.

Letter to the Editor

topics:
Television, Environment, Global Warming, Military, Pakistan, Energy, Oil