About this time last year, Senator Ted Kennedy released a
children’s book entitled My Senator and Me: A Dog’s Eye
View of Washington, D.C. What was most revealing wasn’t that
Senator Kennedy would write a book from the view of his dog, but
that the dog’s was named “Splash.”
In the year since, I have been speaking with various sources in
the publishing world who reveal that Senator Kennedy’s motif has
proven popular with many ghostwriters. They have let me in on
details about forthcoming books by various politicians and other
celebrities written from the perspective of their pets. Today, let
me share them with you.
It turns out Rep. Patrick Kennedy has decided to follow in his
father’s footsteps. Rep. Kennedy’s book, “My Representative and Me:
Cats’ Eye Views of the Capitol,” is written from the view
perspective of Patrick’s two feline companions, Guard and Rail. In
one passage, Guard describes a scene at LAX: “The Representative
was as cooperative as he could be with the security guard, but he
had no choice but to gently push her back as she belligerently got
in his face.” Rail describes this incident: “Kennedy insisted to
the officer that he really had stopped in at Hawk & Dove bar
just to get some water so that he could take his sleeping
medication.”
Another Capitol Hill habitue publishing a book with his pet is
former Rep. Mark Foley. Written from the view of his pet boa
constrictor, Bookmark, the working title is “Instant Messaging: How
a Congressman Communicates With Constituents.” “The Congressman was
very generous with his time,” says Bookmark in one passage. “Once
while on the IM, he helped a young man with his math homework. ‘23
times 3 is my favorite equation,’ wrote Foley.”
Congressman William Jefferson of Louisiana has a forthcoming
book authored from the perspective of his goldfish, Graft. “One day
Congressman Jefferson was fixing a drink for his friend. ‘You
know,’ he said, ‘as strange as it sounds ice cubes taste so much
better if you have some cash in the freezer.’”
The Long Island Lolita, Amy Fisher, already an award-winning
writer in her own right, has a book coming out
from the perspective of her parrot, Bullet. “Amy seemed very
absent-minded before she left that fateful morning,” Bullet writes.
“As she was putting things in her purse, she didn’t seem to notice
that she had picked up a gun and put it in her pocket.”
“Slash,” the loyal Rottweiler of former football star O.J.
Simpson, has reportedly inked a book deal with agent Judith Regan.
Although there a few particulars at this time, rumor has it the
first page begins, “If my master had done it….”
“Sandwich,” the pet Chihuahua of Senator Chris Dodd, is also
writing a book. “Something very funny happened today in the bar
down the street,” writes Sandwich. “The nice waitress bringing us
some drinks tripped, spilling her tray of drinks and landing in
Senator Kennedy’s lap. As Senator Dodd got up to help her, he
slipped on the spilled drinks, tumbling into Kennedy and the
waitress!”
Finally, the Reverend Al Sharpton also has a book coming out
that from the perspective of his pet ferret, Blaze, entitled “Speak
Long and Loud: A Weasel’s View of Civil Rights.” “While fighting
for the rights of a black-owned music store,” Blaze writes in one
passage, “the Reverend Sharpton had no way of knowing that in the
future he would face down a much greater danger. ‘If we don’t stop
this Don Imus,’ Sharpton would later say, ‘then race relations
could deteriorate to the point that this country burns to the
ground!’”
Well, that’s all of the ones I’m aware of. If you know of any
other books that are being written from the perspective of
someone’s pet, please email the information to me at dwhogberg@gmail.com. I’ll be sure
to post it on AmSpecBlog.
David Hogberg is writer in Washington. He also hosts
his own website, Health Hog.
