By Enemy Central on 4.5.07 @ 12:08AM
Hagel is safe for another week -- or until he collects $26 million --- whichever comes first.
Frustrated in her efforts to use big government planes to fly to
the West Coast for getaway shopping weekends, the Hon. Nancy Pelosi
flew east on an even bigger government airplane. Intending to put
her multicultural touch to good use, she determined to make a
genuine burqa her first purchase. It would be a diplomatic gesture
her Syrian hosts would respect and maybe help free a score of
Iranian hostages besides. Instead, her inexperience showed, and she
let the old boys at the bazaar take her in. Straight off they
hauled out a headscarf from designer Soviet surplus and,
voila!, there was Nancy, looking every bit the Russian
babushka. Better luck next time, Madame Speaker. Just be careful
when you travel to Moscow -- we wouldn't want Mr. Putin putting you
to work sweeping the cobblestones of Red Square.
A craftier material girl is one Ms. Hillary Clinton. When last
seen, she was bathing in a tub filled with hard-earned campaign
cash, $26 million in small, untraceable bills. She tossed it in the
air, pressed it against her squirrelly cheeks, tweaked it with her
curly toes. Then reality bit. Big Barack had collected just as much
if not more, all of it legit, in newer, crispier denominations.
When last spotted at the spa, Ms. Clinton was chomping at the bit,
tearing at her loot with rare fury, promising to turn Barack into
bubble bath.
Her friends on the right are getting impatient, regardless. How
long before the next election? Some 19 months? And another two and
a half before the next presidential inauguration? Why not impeach
the gal before she's even elected? That would be another historic
first for all of us, and it would give many people something to do
while we wait and wait for the electoral axe to fall. The main
downside is that success would mean losing any chance to call her
the Girl President or Girl Clinton.
The Global Warmer of the Week turns out to be Mr. Andrew
Gibbons, who flew United on its maiden flight from
Washington-Dulles to Beijing, China, and back again to Dulles
without ever leaving Beijing airport or even ordering takeout.
Turns out our Marco Polo pulled a similar stunt on inaugural United
flights to and from Kuwait last fall. He's expected to convert his
frequent flyer miles into carbon credits.
Where is Al Gore when you need him? Flacking their new book,
This Moment on Earth, Mrs. and Mr. Teresa Heinz Kerry are
aggressively saving the environment at every stop. They're sick of
talk, they say in their talk. They want action. As they learned
last Christmas in Cambodia, "Americans have had enough. People
across this country are grasping the scientific reality that we are
in the middle of a crisis. The Earth's poles and virtually all
points in between are heating up at a frightening and potentially
catastrophic pace." We know the threat is very real because Sen.
Olympia Snowe has joined the Kerry crusade. If we don't all act
immediately, before this decade is out we'll have to refer to her
as Sen. Olympia Raine. In an interesting wrinkle, the Kerrys are
exchanging their botox supply for carbon credits.
Now the Supreme Court has joined in the fun. It didn't matter
that four justices remained sensible -- Roberts, Scalia, Thomas,
Alito, henceforth to be known in polite circles as the court's Flat
Earth contingent. What mattered was that that the swing vote,
Justice Anthony Sandra Day O'Kennedy, meekly sided with the
activist weathermen in giving greater constitutional status to the
Enviro Protection Agency than to an elected presidential
administration. Justice John Paul Stevens authored the majority
opinion, thus dirtying our clean air, and earning himself a long
overdo EOW credit.
From now on, we suspect, when a Supreme Court justice
administers on oath, it will not be over a Bible, or even the
Koran. Rather, it will be over Earth in the Balance.
Unless of course the Kerrys sue and their This Moment on
Earth becomes the nation's official holy book.
Send your Enemy of the Week nominations to Enemy Central
c/o editor@spectator.org.
topics:
Nancy Pelosi, Hillary Clinton, Environment, Constitution, Supreme Court, Iran, Russia, Oil
