Now that Nancy Pelosi has started her tenure as House Speaker, it’s time to bone up on Pelosian, an arcane language with semantic origins in both ancient San Franciscan and Clintonistan tongues.
From what most scholars can tell, Pelosian is a unique language developed to hide the desire of Democrats to reintroduce HillaryCare piece by piece. The following dictionary highlights some of the more common Pelosian-phrases to have so far been deciphered:
Drug re-importation: 1) Helping teenage kids obtain cheap Viagra and Ephedrine so they can mix it with Red Bull and party like rock stars. 2) Legalization of fake drugs from Bangladesh for sale to American teenagers seeking Xanax and (crushed) Ritalin. 3) Deceiving the American public into thinking that seniors — who already receive drug coverage under Medicare Part D — will actually benefit from the importation of Canadian price controls.
Price negotiations: 1) Synonym: Price controls. 2) The assertion invented by liberal spin-doctors that the government is just doing what Wal-Mart does (which liberals then turn around and attack) to get the best price to dupe the American people into supporting price controls. 3) When the federal government — which purchases 60 percent of all medicines — makes drug companies an offer they can’t refuse. 4) Anti-competitive practice in which Medicare Part D’s private-sector drug plans are replaced with a single government formulary run by a new government bureaucracy. 5) Clintoncare for seniors.
Universal healthcare: 1) Clever euphemism for Canadian-style healthcare system where people now wait longer for cancer care and by pass surgery than any other Western country. 2) Higher taxes. 3) Sub-standard care as government bureaucrats dictate treatment options. 4) Long waits for basic medical care; elimination of expensive surgeries, cancer treatments, and dental care; drug rationing. 5) Synonym: “Medicare for All.”
Doughnut Hole: 1) What seniors didn’t have before the Medicare drug plan existed. 2) The balance seniors might have to pay before Medicare pays what they used to have to pay with thousands of dollars of their own money. 3) The hole filled by a modest increase in premiums, joining managed care plans, disease management plans that many seniors choose while others have decided, on their own without elite input, against. 4) An excuse to call for price controls which Democrats claim would fill the doughnut hole. (See price negotiations.)
Price gouging: 1) A term tossed about by politicians and activists suffering from acute capitalist guilt, designed to drum up outrage at various corporations. 2) Economic theory that corporations should avoid setting prices to accurately reflect supply and demand. 3) Belief that government bureaucrats are intelligent enough to determine “fair” prices for goods and services. 4) Agitprop: Slogan shouted at political rallies to garner votes.
Comparative Effectiveness: 1) Dubious assumption that in any given therapeutic class, only one drug is needed. 2) A concept that would allow the government to prohibit drug makers from developing new cures ignoring similar advances in gene-based research 3) Theory that cholesterol-lowering drugs like Lipitor, Crestor, Zocor, Pravachol and Lescol are exactly the same, even though they’re prescribed for vastly different purposes, including how they interact with other medicines. 4) Depriving patients of access to drugs tailored to their individual needs. 5) Argument that government should prohibit physicians from prescribing certain treatments until government “experts” develop a one-size-fits-all decision.
REP. PELOSI HAS ALREADY ANNOUNCED that as House Speaker, she plans to “drain the swamp” of Republican rule. What she’s really promising, however, is to pollute the swamp with a disastrous muck of bloated, bureaucracy-infested economic policy. Pelosi’s language may be dressed up in concern for the average citizen, but don’t let that fool you: Her policies would have devastating effects for ordinary Americans, resulting in healthcare rationing, higher taxes, and more government intervention in the marketplace.
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