The American Spectator

/p> blockquote> em>See the blazing Earth before us, br> Fa la la la la, la la la la. br> As the greenie left implores us. br> Fa la la la la, la la la la. br> Follow them to where they’re headin’, br> Fa la la la la, la la la la. br> While they tell of Armageddon, br> Fa la la la la, and Kumbaya. /em> /blockquote> Last year’s meltdown in the Chocolate City has doomed us to a future of constant and shrill warnings regarding that phenomenon we used to call weather. It’s gotten so bad here in Connecticut, that a few years ago, in addition to our winter storm watches, alerts, and blizzard scares we were also treated to what were called “flat-roof” warnings. If we hearty New Englanders are stupid enough not to clear the snow from roofs, why would we have built our houses in the first place?

But a degree of gullible stupidity is what the media presume of their consumers in order to keep them perpetually fearful. Proving it’s never too early to start worrying about things over which you have little control, they have, with great gusto, been trumpeting the arrival of hurricane season. Like young children anticipating Christmas, the press has visions of sandbags dancing in their heads. Like a ballteam breaking spring training, they are tanned and rested, confident of another banner year.

This season they have a new pitch in their arsenal. In the perfect propaganda storm, a strong surge of liberal media has merged with a high pressure global warming front to reach the conclusion that the coming Sturm und Drang and its accompanying misery will be of our own making; that is, we greedy, SUV-driving, Kyoto-hating, CO2-exhaling Republicans will be responsible for sending forth tempests unseen since Prospero. The only solution, I suppose, is that the entire GOP hold its collective breath, at least until November 7 of this year.

p>So be aware, alert, and earth-friendly and remember: if you must evacuate, please do so on foot or bicycle so as not to further offend the greenhouse gods. And in that liberal spirit, I wish you all a happy hurricane season and urge you not to procrastinate, and get your shopping done early; just please, stay away from Wal-Mart.