This article appeared in the April 2006 issue
of The American Spectator. To subscribe, please click
here.
Good Morning. I hope you’ve all recovered from last night. Judging
by all the Starbucks cups I see around the room, though, I’d guess
not. (Muted laughter)
We’ve got a lot to get through today. Again, I want to thank you
all for attending last night’s Villagers United Gala — we are
back! (Round of applause)
I have always been a great admirer of this President, and I am
honored to be serving in this administration. Everyone here at the
White House is looking forward to the next eight (cough),
I mean, four years. Unless of course there is a constitutional
amendment in the near future… (Laughter)
The President has a very busy schedule today. And though this is
only Day One, we want to set the tone immediately. The President
had a quiet breakfast this morning in the private residence and
reviewed the transition briefings left by the Bush
administration…
(Interruption)
David Gregory: Does that mean this
administration is considering keeping in place some of the Bush
policies, and if so, which ones?
Press Secretary: If you will let me finish…
(Silence) You know, I do have a script here.
(Laughter)
The President reviewed the transition briefing documents over
breakfast in the private residence, and has given Chief of Staff
Webb Hubbell a directive to reverse the tax cuts for the rich,
scrap the “No Child Left Behind” program, and recommend legislation
to ensure health-care coverage is available for every American, no
matter their age, race, or sexual orientation and sexual history.
(Round of applause)
The President then spent the morning in the Oval, reviewing
remarks for the “meet” and “greet” and “thank you” schedule this
afternoon. The schedule includes a brief statement to members of
The Former Imprisoned Voters Association. The President will then
attend NOW’s Inaugural luncheon, giving the keynote address, “Free
at Last.” There’s going to be a fabulous menu — a baby lettuces
salad drizzled with mandarin orange dressing, braised lamb served
with baby carrots, and for dessert, gluten-free apple pie. And
finally, this evening the President is the guest of honor at the
“Hamas Candlelight Dinner for a New World Order — A Celebration of
Shared Values.”
Now, your questions. (Yelling, shouting, punching, yelping,
more punching)
Press Secretary: Mr. Gregory, as you seem so
anxious to get started, you first — officially this time.
(Laughter) By the way, how many years have you been in the
White House Press Corps now? You might just be the next HT!
Gregory: (Smiling) Merci, Madam. Presque
dix ans.
(Not smiling) Will President Clinton have input in this
administration? As the new Secretary General of the United Nations,
he has been described by Le Monde, the BBC, and Al-Jareeza
as “Savior of the World.” He has focused all his energy and
attention on global issues such as poverty, climate mutations, and
most recently the legalization of drugs.
Press Secretary: Well, when President Clinton
and President Rodham announced in early December that they had
divorced, both parties made it clear that they had parted on
amicable terms. However, as President Rodham stated in her
Inaugural Address yesterday, the decisions of her presidency will
be made by her, and her alone. I would like to add that she also
reiterated that she is looking forward to this new chapter in
her…
Gregory: So he will not have any input?
Press Secretary: As with any Secretary General
of the United Nations, of course President Rodham values his
opinion on global issues. But she is now the President of the
United States of America.
Next question. Soley…
Soledad O’Brien: Susan, Fox News released a
statement earlier today saying that while they are finding your
replacement, which they mention in the release shouldn’t be hard —
and I quote, “Fox News seeks another screaming banshee” — they are
considering legal action against you for using Fox as a platform to
get this job. Your response to that allegation?
Press Secretary Estrich: Well, as you all know,
Fox used strong-arm tactics — as was demonstrated by the way I was
treated repeatedly in front of national audiences — the eight long
years of the Bush administration to squash dissent from any member
of the Democratic Party. All I will say is that I know that won’t
happen anymore.
All right, let’s wrap this up. Tomorrow, I will have Cabinet
nominations. Yes, Mr. Gregory?
Gregory: Last night at the Gala, President
Rodham said to a group of us that she has always preferred the
title, “Her Majesty.” That was a joke, right?
