“Conflictions! I love it!” Uncle Pundit was
rejoicing.
But is that really a word?
“Of course it is a word. In disuse now, maybe, but a noun that
means in a state of conflict.”
Where do you see it?
“You see it where that NASCAR driver, Ryan Newman, accuses the
Daytona winner Johnson of cheating, says he is pretty sure at least
‘three of his last four wins have had conflictions.’ He means his
car was rigged wrong. Newman doesn’t know it, but he has coined the
word for our times.
“What else but confliction describes where we are today — what
with the administration wanting to give control of our major ports
to an outfit run by Dubai in the United Arab Emirates? Even Frist
is saying ‘whoa there,’ but the President is saying he’ll veto any
‘whoa’ the Congress may try to toss at him.”
Confliction, eh? Kinda describes it, all right.
“From all the hollering, you’d think they were putting Osama bin
Laden in charge of Air Traffic Control. Wait’ll all those port-side
comedians get a hold of this one. But it’s just one example.”
More conflictions, Uncle?
“Yep. Take the Olympics. Big confliction. Americans busting
their hump on some frozen Alp while all their compatriots back home
are watching American Idol.”
Heck, they don’t even know the old U. S. of A. is coming along
in curling. I bet they don’t even know snowboarding has become an
Olympic sport, Uncle.
“‘Course not. All Americans know is that snowboarding has damn
near ruined skiing, like those jet skis have ruined a day at the
beach. Big confliction there. As big as a hundred snowmobiles
clattering through Yellowstone Park in the dead of winter.
“A sports guy, Curt Gowdy, who just passed away, knew about one
of the biggest conflictions of our time. In the '30s, when Byron
‘Whizzer’ White was a football star at Colorado U, another guy from
Gowdy’s home state of Wyoming also starred at the University of
Wyoming. He was John ‘Johnny’ Winterholler. Football, basketball,
baseball, he played it all. In fact, he and White played against
one another on the football field. Comes the confliction. In 1940
Winterholler joins the Marines, winds up in the Philippines. Two
years later White joins the Navy, serves in the South Pacific as
well.
“Winterholler winds up in the Bataan Death March and prison
camp. Never walks again. Wheelchair the rest of his life. White
goes on to become a Justice of the Supreme Court, athletic spring
in his step ‘til the end. Both make it into their 80s.
“Confliction is the watchword of our time. Those little ear
drops or whatever they call those money projects they drop into big
appropriation bills in the dead of night become more confliction
when the public finds out. Just like when they discover that
Constitution Avenue has been taken over by ‘K Street.’”
You mean the lobby lawyers’ hang out?
“Persactly. The whole country is in a state of conflict over
that other conflict, the one in Iraq and the one brewing next door
in Iran. Whadda we do? Send Iran to the United Nations, or to the
principal’s office? Six ‘a one, half a dozen of the other.
“But you gotta admit: that Newman guy may not win another race,
but he coined the word that fits the fix we’re in. And if I knew
his address, I’d send him a bottle of vintage you-know-what.”
No, Uncle, what?
“Confliction, ought-six.”
