The American Spectator

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15) John Kerry abandoned his neutrality when he announced from Switzerland that he would filibuster the Alito nomination -- ostensibly because of his concern for Dick Cheney's daughter.

16) Samuel Alito's first act as a Justice was to grant a stay of execution on the premise that Missouri's form of capital punishment might be cruel and unusual: apparently they administer death by Senate hearing.

17) Self-immolation is not my preferred form of protest; no one likes making a fuel of himself.

18) A couple of people went to the Olympics to reach for the brass ring but took nasty spills when it turned out that those five rings are welded together.

19) Scooter Libby says that he is affiliated with Reform and Jack Abramoff has in recent years identified with Orthodox; one thing for sure, neither has helped the conservatives.

20) It is becoming progressively clearer why the Republicans have been pummeling the Democrats in elections: there is an agenda gap.

21) President Bush graciously called the Pittsburgh Steelers to congratulate them on their Super Bowl victory and to attribute their success to his protectionist tariffs.

22) Democrats say that our stewardship of the caribou habitat in Alaska constrains us from digging there for oil; Republicans call that Steward's Folly.

23) Mike Brown says he drove his Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry and the good old boys in Homeland Security were drinking whiskey and rye: where have I heard this song and dance before?

24) Nancy Pelosi claims that the Republicans foster a culture of corruption; in its place the Democrats offer the corruption of culture.

25) Hillary Clinton recently started to talk tough against Iran; in my appearance on the Larry Elder Show I announced that henceforth she shall be known as the "Battle Axis of Evil."

There you go. Now take my rejects and earn yourself a nice living at one of America's less clever magazines.

topics:
Nancy Pelosi, John Boehner, Hillary Clinton, Television, Islam, Books, Movies, Law, Supreme Court, Iran, Alaska, Oil