Let me point out right at the start that I am not an
“obsessive-compulsive”: I do not scrub up to the elbows for a full
five minutes after inadvertently touching my living room rug. I do
not wear rubber gloves and a surgical mask on a daily basis. I
would not throw away a pair of shoelaces because they came untied
and touched a men’s room floor. (Well, to be honest, I
might throw them away.) Nevertheless, I am deeply
concerned about germs and their easy transmission through direct
contact, which we humans have suspected since at least 1847, when
the underappreciated Ignaz Semmelweis first ordered medical
students at the Vienna General Hospital to wash their hands between
performing autopsies and examining pregnant women. (Austria rightly
put Semmelweis’s picture on a postage stamp.) Study after study in
the last few years has emphasized the importance of hand washing in
killing germs — the Centers for Disease Control recommends 15 to
20 seconds of vigorous scrubbing — and warned of the dangers in
everyday environments, particularly the workplace. A 2002 report by
the University of Arizona found the typical worker’s desk has
21,000 germs per square inch, compared to 49 germs per square inch
on the typical office toilet seat.
Still, in this day of anti-bacterial soaps, hand lotions, and
moist towelettes, when we know so much about germs, I am
continually amazed at the lack of common sense anti-bacterial
practices among 21st-century Americans. A newly released study
conducted for the American Society of Microbiology and the Soap and
Detergent Association (sign me up!) found that 10 percent of women
and 25 percent of men do not wash their hands after using a public
restroom, and, worse perhaps, a mere third of adults wash their
hands after sneezing. These results were not a surprise to the
germ-conscious. Throughout my working career, I have noted the
carefree habits of my co-workers and business associates when it
comes to basic hygienic practices. Double-dipping — despite being
brought to the public’s attention by a famous episode of
Seinfeld — continues unabated, as does the licking of
one’s finger when distributing handouts at a meeting. (I see that
Office Depot sells something called the “Acco Swingline Gripeez
Finger Pad” that seeks to do away with the need to lick one’s
digits on the job. Genius!) Short-sighted bosses I have known
encourage sick employees to come to work, though experts logically
point out that in the long run this only results in additional lost
work hours, as the sick employee makes his co-workers ill.
One might expect a respite from this germ-laden environment away
from the Monday through Friday workweek. But I have found this not
to be the case, and, unfortunately, one of the worst places of
exposure to my infected brethren is at my local Catholic church. In
our post-Vatican II age, there are several possible opportunities
when germs can be had from your pew-mate through hand-to-hand
contact. I have come to dread especially the Sign of Peace, the
time when we interrupt the most solemn part of the Mass to say a
friendly “howdy” to our neighbor, a handshake seemingly a required
part of the ritual in the United States. In years past, I would do
my best to sit at least five pews away from my nearest
co-religionist to avoid contact. Even so, I could not always escape
the overzealous member of the congregation who would contort his
body to reach his hand across several pews. When forced to sit near
other people, I would simply keep my hands clasped in prayer and
politely nod and smile in greeting, but there were still those who
would place a hand over my clasped ones.
What is the germophobe to do? One risks being made a social
pariah if one objects to the poor hygienic practices of others.
“Sorry, I don’t shake hands,” does not exactly ensure one’s
election to the parish council. Likewise, “Could you please hand me
an unlicked copy of the report?” does not win friends and influence
people at work. We germophobes are left to do our best, to wash up
frequently and suffer often in silence and fear. OK, I have been
typing on my keyboard for a while now — time to wash up!
