John Edwards is in trouble now. On Sunday he began an op-ed with these brave words: “I was wrong.” He
had believed there were WMDS, he had argued there were, he had
voted in favor of war on that basis. Now he says, “I take
responsibility for that mistake.” So what’s a sickly trial lawyer
to do? Easy. Sue the daylights out of John Edwards. Just as there
are two Americas, two Carolinas, there can be two John Edwards.
Plaintiff and defendant. Lawyer for the accuser. Lawyer for the
accused. Having already extracted a full confession from the
recklessly incompetent Senator Edwards, the heroic Attorney Edwards
should make it worth everyone’s while. Just don’t let them settle
out of court. Something in the book of dirty deals past makes us
suspect they’d end up sharing the spoils.
Edwards speaks for all cut and run Democrats, incidentally.
Thanks to the president’s ginned-up entry into Iraq, he says, the
country that wasn’t a threat now turns out to be “a haven for
terrorists” — which is a signal for Democrats to get the hell out
ASAP. Their new credo: The more terrorists in a given place, the
greater the need to abandon it. Else how in the world are we to
continue “fighting the global war against terrorist organizations”?
We shall fight them on the beaches, in the hills, in the fields and
streets — wherever they may not be.
If you’re confused, don’t be. Edwards has it all figured out.
Let him think for us. For example: “We should bring Iraq’s
neighbors and our key European allies into a diplomatic process to
get Iraq on its feet. The president needs to create a unified
international front.” Last time a Democrat said such things he was
being hauled in front of the House Un-American Activities
Committee.
Last spring President Bush declined to take former President
Carter to Rome with him, causing a breakdown in our unified
domestic front. Carter is now paying Bush back in a new book on
“Our Endangered Values,” in which Carter denounces Bush efforts “to
exert American imperial dominance throughout the world.” Sounds to
us as if Carter has overdosed on Joseph Wilson, who in early 2003
wrote a quaint op-ed for the left-of-left Nation
magazine condemning the Bush administration’s “imperial ambitions”
and desire to impose a “Pax Americana” on the Middle East. To be
fair, Carter would welcome a Tax Americana domestically, as part of
the shared sacrifice all peanut growers like to shell out when
their subsidies are under attack from budget-cutting boll
weevils.
Bill Clinton remains an impeached former president, with
nightmarish consequences. Over the past weekend he took great
offense at the comments of Jimmy Carter biographer Douglas
Brinkley’s comments on the subject, lashing out at the poor man —
a survivor of a campaign relationship with John Kerry, on top of
everything else — for daring to suggest that impeachment had kept
Clinton from achieving greatness. Not one of the gals he dated had
ever told him anything close to that, except maybe his wife, but
then that didn’t count because they weren’t dating. Unfortunately,
Clinton did let slip that he was behind the smear campaign against
his congressional critics, none of whom he had ever tried to
impeach. As he put it, “What are you going to do with all those
Republican congressmen, you know, that had problems?” What kind of
problems, Bill? And no, we didn’t know, so how did you? Who did you
use to find out? Are you hoping to be impeached anew?
Mr. Clinton flew off to the Middle East to ponder these
life-changing questions. In the process, he was the first former
president, along with his wife and daughter, who thus became,
respectively, the first future president and first former and
future first daughter, to visit the grisly scene at the Radisson
hotel hit by terrorists last week in Amman, Jordan. Mrs. Clinton
also visited with children injured in the bombings. Earlier in
Israel someone had asked her, “Why are you so loved by the Israeli
public?” We’re hoping Jackie Mason can at least answer this last
question for us.
The rest we handle ourselves. We know who our EOWs are when we
see them. No, not the Clintons. There’s no stopping greatness. John
Edwards is another matter. Just to be safe, we’re pinning an Enemy
pin on both incarnations of the man from South and North
Carolina.
