The American Spectator

Your comments this week at Fordham University Law School sure stirred them up. The image of fear stalking America’s newsrooms was the best hoot we the network suits have had in years.

The right half of the blogosphere — hey, wait, except for Kos and one or two others, the whole damn lot of the bloggers are rightwing nutcakes, aren’t they? — went euphoric with the chance to remind themselves you still exist.

We really appreciate your willingness to take all that heat. Being demonized throughout your career — before, during, and after your stint at the anchor desk — has got to be tough. You’re a real piece of work (do we have to say yet again that Murrow would be soooo proud of you?), a work of incredibly complex psychology. (Say, was counseling part of your severance package? We hope we didn’t forget that.)

Speaking of Murrow, did you see that George Clooney’s got a movie coming out about how Ed slew McCarthy? It was perfect timing for you to go out, not only to remind the world of our past greatness, but to define competition — our real fear — as some sort of vast, nefarious rightwing conspiracy.

And, man, that quivering lip was something! Just perfect! Almost as good as Shep or Brit. The best since you started signing off your newscasts with “Courage.” Next time, maybe you could pull out of your vest a little list and threaten to name names. Wait, was that McCarthy or Ed who did that?

Anyway, those bloggers — you know, those pajama-clad nitwits who ruined your effort to swing the election to Kerry — they must be dropping bricks. You’re on to them. Go get ‘em, boy! Idiots who figure out that typefaces didn’t exist when your sources said they did aren’t part of our intellectual demographic anyway.

The planets must be in alignment, too, because it’s not just Clooney. That Emmy Awards tribute to you, Tom, and the sainted Peter (can’t they speed up his canonization?) was fantastic. The more our Hollywood liberal friends lament the passing of that communitarian day when we put out the same perspective through three different talking heads — well, that helps immensely.

Dan, when so many in the business have forgotten loyalty, you haven’t, and we love you for that. You do know that we had to let you go. “Rathergate” was something we just couldn’t sustain.

Say, did they actually give you Emmys this time? Just wondering.