“I don’t get no respect,” bemoaned the late Rodney Dangerfield.
“I asked my dentist what to do about my yellow teeth. He said maybe
I should wear a brown tie.” This is a fair approximation of the
workings of modern government. A problem program is never
eliminated or fixed, it simply spawns a new entity whose ostensible
purpose is to ameliorate the aftertaste of the old.
Competing versions of a bill to enhance military death benefits
are presently being debated in Congress. The idea is to expand
existing benefits somewhat but also to create a large lump sum
subsidy of as much as a quarter of a million dollars. The problem
lies not in the idea of helping bereaved families with greater
dollar amounts but in creating this separate bestowal rather than
sensibly modifying the current insurance system.
As of right now, here is how it works. When a soldier dies in
the course of his or her service, the next of kin receive a sum of
between twelve and thirteen thousand dollars, absurdly named a
“gratuity,” designed to cover the expenses of funeral, burial, and
attendant dislocations. Additionally, the widow and orphans receive
a monthly “indemnification” check, a sort of pension, of about a
thousand dollars, similar to a Social Security payment. This
continues as long as the widow lives.
To provide a larger nest egg for his family, a soldier must buy
SGLI, Soldier Group Life Insurance. This is done by having an
amount of approximately $15 withheld from his salary each month to
be paid as a life-insurance premium, guaranteeing his family a
quarter-million dollar payout in the event of his demise while
serving. The problem is that since soldiers are paid inadequate
salaries and commonly are stationed away from families, leaving
their spouses with limited flexibility for working outside the
home, it is often very difficult to sacrifice the liquidity of that
monthly premium.
The old joke went like this: the Army hires people to try to
sell the recruits on buying the life insurance policies and offers
a hundred dollars for each sale, yet very few soldiers are biting.
Schwartz approaches the Captain and asks if he can be given the job
of selling the policies in his spare time, because he needs the
extra cash. The Captain doubts that an active soldier can sell much
in the scant minutes that are free during training camp, but he has
nothing to lose by agreeing. So Schwartz gets the job.
Suddenly, everyone is signing up to purchase the insurance. The
Captain delivers the huge commission check to Schwartz but he can’t
hold back from asking for the secret of his success.
“Simple,” answers Schwartz. “I tell them that an uninsured
person costs the Army ten thousand dollars if he dies but an
insured costs a quarter-million. Who do you think they would rather
send to the front?”
The point should be well-taken. An insurance pool is the correct
system for dealing with loss of life in a military group no less
than it is in the civilian. But the idea of confronting the
individual soldier with the choice of taking less today to mitigate
the aftershock of his mortality is too great a strain to place on
struggling providers. Sure, there is a place in my libertarian
heart that would prefer that citizens have these options, but that
principle has long since been nullified by the mandatory Social
Security tax. Why should the fighting man and woman be the only
American still forced to face these grim choices?
There is no need to create new gifts for grieving families.
Everything should be subsumed under the heading of insurance, but
the withholding of premiums needs to be built into the paycheck of
every soldier and sailor. To raise the amount of coverage is a
great idea, but the premium amount needs to rise in actuarial
accordance. Nor do we need to shrink anyone’s salary at this time.
Let the present pay scale become the baseline, let salaries be
raised by the amount of the premium, and henceforward we will have
insurance that makes sense and that covers all personnel
equally.
That way, people have a sense of earning their keep and
providing for their family. The insurance money is kept in a
separate pool and paid out like any other legitimate coverage. The
family remembers their loved one as someone who saw to it that they
were substantially cared for even after he or she was gone. And the
government is where it belongs: far in the background.
As for what Schwartz will do for a living, now that Rodney is
gone he may be considering a little stand-up.
