Another election, another smashing setback for the Democratic
insurgency. How long will it take for the party of George McGovern,
Sidney Blumenthal and Edward Kennedy to recover from bloody Sunday?
Ol’ George and young Sid have long been fla-fla, but for Ted the
huge turnout yesterday was particularly devastating. Last week he
thought he’d be hailed as the new Chamberlain, the next Benedict
Arnold, the white Jesse Jackson, the Irish Jacques Chirac, the
trans-gendered Jane Fonda. Alas, he remains the Crown Prince of
Chappaquiddick, a perennial bottom feeder and all-purpose lout.
“Johnny, we hardly knew ye,” a hanger-on once said of JFK. “Teddy,
wish we didn’t know ye,” everyone and his sister now says of the
great one.
At E.C. we’ve made our choice, and that is to go with the other
magnificent solon from the rocky shores of Massachusetts. Forget
his oratorio on yesterday’s Meet the Press. John Kerry had
already won our hearts and minds when he voted against Condoleezza
Rice before voting against her. Talk about your classic
flip-flop.
Kerry’s profile in courage earned him an honorary spot among a
yeasty collection knows as “The Boxer’s Dozen.” Thirteen foolhardy
Democratic and independent senators summoned the strength to vote
no on Dr. Rice’s confirmation. Heading the list was the
mighty-mouthed Barbara Boxer, its only woman, which is kind of how
she likes things. The group included a Klansman, a Hawaiian, a
Hoosier who is not a Klansman, a Dayton who is not from Ohio, and a
Kennedy, but no Schumer, darn, for fear of what Hillary might
do.
It was a useful Democratic exercise in voting, regardless. For
all their staunch opposition and smearing, Democrats lost on Rice,
85-13, a losing margin actuaries foresee as increasingly more
likely as Democrats age. The experience also polished the
résumé of rising star Evan Bayh. Heretofore regarded
as a sensible hawkish sort, in coming out against Rice he
demonstrated all the requisite wimp credentials he’ll need to
qualify for the next Democratic ticket. He could be Hillary’s
Quayle. Just no touching.
Ms. Hillary’s gone through a lot of ups and downs herself of
late. One day she’s Randall Terry, the next Comrade Krupskaya
(that’s Lenin’s wife, for those of you with blissful memory loss).
Emphatically she came out against “rugged individualists,” which
might explain why Bill Clinton has never seemed to be particularly
muscular. She added she doesn’t want to live in a country of such
people. Then she joked that she could hear “some of my friends on
radio and in the blog world” cheering the possibility of her
emigration. Who taught her to tease like that?
In other welcome news, Peter Jennings and Dan Rather continue to
serve with their National Guard units in Bush’s Babylon. As we
speak, Special Ops efforts are under way to keep them there for the
duration. That’s why Dan is doing his darnedest to qualify for
stateside return. “But no one should be mistaken: the guerrilla war
fighters suffered substantial loss in the election, both in fact
and in perception,” he reported last night. “The momentum shifted in
favor of the U.S. military and Iraqi forces a few months ago, and
has accelerated in their direction with the election.” He’s praying
Bush can pull some strings with Rumsfeld to win him an early
discharge.
It may be a case of too little, too late. Cold-staring readers
of the Washington Post will recall its famed TV critic Tom
Shales’s Inauguration Day effort to rehabilitate Dan on Bush Air
Guard Gate. It was more fun than a new sitcom: “Rather, busy with
other news duties, basically just served as on-air correspondent.
He did not do the reporting.” Shales shilled.
“It’s common knowledge that Bush was a spoiled little rich boy
who did not serve with any great distinction,” Shales wrote.
Anyway, it was all Mary Mapes’ fault. Every great news organization
“has its blots.” Viacom chief Les Moonves is a pig. “He has failed
to come to Rather’s defense even after Rather’s 30 years of
unquestioned loyalty to the company.”
But save your tears. At least until you’ve read Shales’s coup de
grâce: “Rather is such a team player that he apparently felt
that standing by the controversial report, even as it was being
condemned left and right (mostly right, of course), was the
equivalent of standing by his colleagues and being supportive of
people he had worked with and grown to trust.”
Shales, Dan, Hillary, Evan, Barbara, Teddy, John — so many fine
candidates on our EOW ballot. At the risk of alienating Sunni
readers, let’s pick a safe winner and go with the tallest guy in
the bunch. For security reasons, we’ll not repeat his name. But
everyone except maybe Dan knows who he is. Having done the
reporting, though, we’re confident we can slip his name to Dan so
he can dutifully announce it in his next broadcast from Baghdad.
We’ll be watching.
