Of course 2004 was a miserable year. How could it have been
otherwise? Many young American lives were spent in the defense of
freedom while the Dems, pretending to support the troops, ran the
lowest, most execrable of all presidential campaigns. We’ve lost
Ronald Reagan and Ray Charles, but think how much we’ve gained.
Conservatives forced the advance of civilization in 2004. Vichy
John Kerry lost despite vigorous campaigning in his behalf by CBS,
ABC, NBC, the New York Times, the Washington Post, Kofi
Annan, and nearly the entire European Union. Even Osama bin Laden
tried to help Kerry, but since OBL’s speechwriters had apparently
reached the age of 16 (as in M-16 or F-16) he was bereft of their
assistance and left to read from DNC talking points in his
pre-election threat video. Not only did Dubya defeat Kerry
decisively, but women’s beach volleyball was established as an
Olympic sport forever more, Tom Daschle is out of work, and the
Monster Thickburger debuted to the gasps of the food nannies. In
victory shall we, as Churchill prescribed, be magnanimous? Yes, for
as long as magnanimity is appropriate. Okay, time’s up.
In 2004, many pitiful spectacles were played on our stage, and
it falls to us to judge which was worst. Was it Gunga Dan Rather’s
forged case against Dubya’s reelection? Was it the
formerly-venerable Paul Volcker’s decision to shill for Kofi and
help cover up the Oil-for-Food-for-Bribes-for-Weapons scam? Or was
it the attempt by the British Guardian newspaper to
persuade the poor ignorant masses of one Ohio county to vote
against President Bush? No, none was nearly as pitiful as the
newly-patented Toyota plot against American manhood.
The patent, according to a report by Jayson Blair’s former
employer, was for “a car with an antenna that wags, an adjustable
body height, headlights that vary in intensity, and hood slits and
ornamentation designed to look like eyebrows, eyelids and tears,
all of which could glow with colored lights to create moods and
physical features.” If you’re crying, your car can cry with you. If
you’re sad, it will pout. No guy with a milligram of testosterone
in his body could go near such a thing, and no gal who considers
herself a lady could so display herself in public. From the company
that brought us the beautifully brawny Land Cruiser comes this
wheeled version of Woody Allen. It will undoubtedly sell well in
France, Hollywood, and among the New York Times’s
editorial staff. Maybe the U.N. will buy one for the Secretary
General’s new limo. It can be factory-set to pout permanently.
When His Excellency the Secretary General said, “There’s no
doubt that this has been a particularly difficult year, and I am
relieved that this annus horribilis is coming to an end,”
Kofi was speaking not only for the Turtle Bay crime family but also
for Jacques Chirac, George Soros, Mo Dowd, the EUnuchs, and all the
Michael Mooron Dems. As bad as 2004 was for liberals everywhere, it
is our solemn duty to make 2005 worse. For Kofi baby and all who
assail with him, we resolve to make it so.
The presidential race was not won by the compromise of
principles. Despite the fact that the Democrats remain delusional
about such obscure concepts as national security and taxation,
there are cracks in the conservative wall around the White House.
The oldest version of liberalism — pseudo-conservatism — is new
again, and running amok in the Republican Party. In 2005 we must
choose between trying to patch the cracks in the conservative wall
with tolerance, understanding, and inclusiveness to the pseudocons,
or just blowing up long sections of it and rebuilding them on
stronger foundations. Do any of you doubt which choice we must
make?
SO, THEN, WITH HARD HAT tilted rakishly, with sledge hammers,
dynamite, trucks full of concrete and a smile, let us turn our
faces into the storm. As the bugler fills his lungs to sound the
charge into 2005, let us rededicate ourselves to the credo of the
late Capt. Harold H. Babbin, USMCR: “Anything worth doing is worth
overdoing.”
There’s a big hole in the wall where immigration policy ought to
be. Let’s knock it down set the rebar, and pour concrete into the
Old Forms. We welcome immigrants who come here to become Americans.
If you want to join our society, learn our language and support our
Constitution, then get your visa and come on over. If your dream is
to remake America in the image of the rathole you left behind, you
can leave walking or being carried. It matters not to us.
To those who do come with the best of intentions, please
understand that we won’t change our Constitution to further your
ambitions. We kinda like the Governator but there’s no way we’re
going to amend the Constitution to make him eligible for the
presidency. If Ahnuld were eligible, we’d soon have the likes of
Dominique de Villepin emigrating to America. The thought is just
too much to bear.
Some neocons — including many of those who were most loudly
demanding the invasion of Iraq — are headed to the tall grass,
fearing failure and the blame for it. Let ‘em go. We’re not going
to debate “exit strategies” or talk about how many more hundreds of
thousands of troops are necessary to quell the insurgency in Iraq.
This is a war that goes far beyond Iraq, and Iraq can’t be pacified
until the nations who interfere in it are dealt with. We have an
exit strategy. All you neocons and other pseudocons listen up,
‘cause there will be periodic quizzes on it. It’s in three parts:
we win, they lose, then we come home. Got it?
Tax cuts, government growth, Supreme Court appointments are all
small cracks in the wall that the neocons and other pseudocons want
to chisel their way through. Not a chance, kids. We take our
bearings from the Gipper, and we will remember — and remind Dubya
whenever he forgets — that government is the problem, not the
solution. Tax cuts strengthen the economy, government growth
weakens it and constrains our personal freedom. How hard is that to
remember? Very. The Republican Party — which includes some
world-class pork barrellers — will receive our reminders much more
often than they wish.
Some pseudocons want the President to nominate “soft
conservatives” to the Supreme Court to make it harder for Harry
Reid and the ACLU to oppose them. Oh, please. If we have to fight
the fight — and we damned well do, no matter who the nominee is —
let’s make it worthwhile. The pseudocons want “reasonableness,”
defined as accommodation of the liberal legislative agenda. No
thanks. Fifty-nine million Americans didn’t vote for Dubya to
endorse Kerry’s agenda.
Two thousand five will be another long year of war, sacrifice
and low politics, even worse than ‘04. The libs and their U.N.
stopped just short of accusing Donald Rumsfeld of causing the South
Pacific earthquake and tidal waves of this past week. (They haven’t
figured out that it was SUV drivers and global warming that
actually caused this catastrophe. But they will.) John McCain,
Nurse Ratched, Bill Frist and Joe Biden are already campaigning for
‘08. Their posturing will make the Senate a quagmire for the
President’s agenda, and the fight to confirm a conservative Supreme
Court justice or two will make the Bork battle look tame.
BUT TAKE HEART: THERE is much to hope for and to work toward. It’s
probably beyond our power to influence who will be chosen to take
two of the top three Democratic posts. Nevertheless, we should
cheer the selections sure to be made by the DNC and CBS.
First and foremost, there’s a slim chance that Howlin’ Howie
Dean will become DNC chairman. We should all give him a cheer, er,
screech of encouragement. Not that it really matters which
hard-core lib the Dems pick. They still think they lost the
election because their “message” wasn’t ‘splained well enough to
get through the thick heads of people such as we. But Americans
understood the Dems’ message quite clearly, which is one of the
major reasons they voted for W in record numbers. Another was
backlash against the horrifically-biased media.
To replace the suddenly-sort-of-retiring Dan Rather, the
geniuses who run CBS may choose from among John Roberts (whose
whistling dentures, devout anti-Bushism and JFK hairdo preclude
further parody), Katie Couric (whose perkiness has been known to
inspire nausea in the strongest of men), and Scott Pelley, whose
ambition reportedly makes the Nixonian version of Chuck Colson look
timid. I predict that some dark horse candidate — unknown in
American broadcast news — will be chosen and marketed as a
“moderate” politically. Personally, I’m hoping it’ll be Mo Dowd.
She’s the kind of “moderate” CBS would like.
The U.N.’s meltdown will continue as the Turtle Bay Crime Family
pretends to cooperate with Senate investigators. Legislation should
pass cutting our dues payments until the UN begins cooperating with
our investigators at least as well as the Gottis or the Gambinos
did. An enormous trade war with Europe will begin over its
subsidies to Airbus. Boeing — our last builder of commercial
airliners — is screwed up beyond belief, but needs to be saved
from itself, and from the EUnuchs’ subsidized competition. Airbus
wants to sell its version of an airborne tanker to our Air Force.
May they hold their breath until that happens.
For our men and women in harm’s way, ‘05 will be another year
away from home, fighting an enemy that always violates the law of
war. They will be assaulted not only by the enemy, but by those who
wish to defeat us by condemning the acts of our soldiers. We’ll
have at least one more prisoner abuse “scandal”, and those who do
wrong will be punished. But we will stand adamant in the defense of
the American warrior, simply the best, most moral and merciful, the
world has ever seen. Bless ‘em all.
Celebrate quietly tomorrow night, raise a glass of California
(or Washington State) champagne to America’s good fortune, and
sleep well. But I expect everyone on deck at dawn tomorrow. Our
great good fortune to be Americans is a precious one, and we can’t
rest a moment if we’re going to pass it on to our children. Happy
Pseudocon Year.
TAS Contributing Editor Jed Babbin is the author
of,Inside the Asylum: Why the UN and Old Europe Are Worse Than
You Think (Regnery Publishing)
