The American Spectator

To replace the suddenly-sort-of-retiring Dan Rather, the geniuses who run CBS may choose from among John Roberts (whose whistling dentures, devout anti-Bushism and JFK hairdo preclude further parody), Katie Couric (whose perkiness has been known to inspire nausea in the strongest of men), and Scott Pelley, whose ambition reportedly makes the Nixonian version of Chuck Colson look timid. I predict that some dark horse candidate — unknown in American broadcast news — will be chosen and marketed as a “moderate” politically. Personally, I’m hoping it’ll be Mo Dowd. She’s the kind of “moderate” CBS would like.

The U.N.’s meltdown will continue as the Turtle Bay Crime Family pretends to cooperate with Senate investigators. Legislation should pass cutting our dues payments until the UN begins cooperating with our investigators at least as well as the Gottis or the Gambinos did. An enormous trade war with Europe will begin over its subsidies to Airbus. Boeing — our last builder of commercial airliners — is screwed up beyond belief, but needs to be saved from itself, and from the EUnuchs’ subsidized competition. Airbus wants to sell its version of an airborne tanker to our Air Force. May they hold their breath until that happens.

For our men and women in harm’s way, ‘05 will be another year away from home, fighting an enemy that always violates the law of war. They will be assaulted not only by the enemy, but by those who wish to defeat us by condemning the acts of our soldiers. We’ll have at least one more prisoner abuse “scandal”, and those who do wrong will be punished. But we will stand adamant in the defense of the American warrior, simply the best, most moral and merciful, the world has ever seen. Bless ‘em all.

Celebrate quietly tomorrow night, raise a glass of California (or Washington State) champagne to America’s good fortune, and sleep well. But I expect everyone on deck at dawn tomorrow. Our great good fortune to be Americans is a precious one, and we can’t rest a moment if we’re going to pass it on to our children. Happy Pseudocon Year.