The American Spectator

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"Ten thousand!" he screamed. "But that's alright. Sandy Berger's the enemy, right?"

Bored, I walked away, and he no doubt took his megaphone to go look for other reporters to harass. With 15,000 or so ink-stained wretches wandering the city in search of a story, that shouldn't be too hard.

Of course, some protesters have started to figure out that we're starved for interesting copy and decided that they might be able to use this. Yesterday morning as I left my hotel, for example, a convertible with two young, pierced ladies pulled up to the curb, and shouted for me to come over. Believe it or not, this is a pretty rare occurrence for me, so I walked over a bit nervously.

As I got to the car, a man in a giant carrot suit sat bolt upright in the seat, and told me he was running for president. I was given a pamphlet. His name is Chris P. Carrot and his running mate is an ear of corn. "Look at me and you'll see," he said. "I hold no bias for or against black, white, or yellow."

This carrot, it turns out, works for PETA, and is pushing a 28th amendment to the Constitution requiring that we "treat animals with kindness and respect" and that we "make restitution to our Native American animal citizens who had their lands taken from them."

"I have found the weapons of mass destruction, and they are in your kitchen drawer," Carrot writes. "America, we need to remove the terror from the kitchen table!"

LATER, WALKING THROUGH Faneuil Hall in search of lunch I was enveloped in a sea of yellow shirts. I soon figured out that I was in the center of 400 practitioners of Falun Gong. An old Chinese woman handed me the same pamphlet over and over again. Each time she cackled, revealing a mouth free of teeth. "Take more," she said, over and over again.

I followed them to a park where there was an even more intense concentration of yellow. As some protesters went through the slow, meditative practices of their religion, others made angry speeches about the repression of the Chinese government.

Oh, and the Lyndon LaRouche folks were there hawking "Children of Beast Man III," their autobiography of the "anti-Christ" Dick Cheney. Most people were ignoring them, but then some shouting broke out. Two girls in Dennis Kucinich shirts were going at it with two LaRouchies.

I bought some popcorn and a Coke while I watched. If only we could move this over to the protest cage, I thought.

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Religion, Abortion, Books, Constitution, Iraq, Israel, Fascism, Oil