WASHINGTON -- Just when things were going swimmingly for the
presumptive Democratic presidential ticket a cloud appears on the
horizon. The French Consulate in New York has tacked onto its front
door an announcement reminding Americans once again of French
haughtiness…and of French geopolitical ambitions. In sum and
in fine, Paris's ambitions for Europe are not unlike Napoleon's. If
the French have their way, all Europe will be under the suzerainty
of the French croissant, the flaky buttery croissant. Yet, modern
France will conquer not with Napoleon's legions but in the modern
way with bureaucrats.
The message discovered on the front door of the ornate French
Consulate and reported very thoughtfully by the enlightened
Washington Times huffs: "Visas for France are not a right.
Persons applying for visas are requested to show due respect for
Consular personnel. Failure to do so will result in the denial of
the application and denied entry into any of the EU [European
Union] countries."
Apparently the French government believes that it now, through
its role in the European Union, can exert authority throughout
Europe. Legal experts doubt the French interpretation of its role,
but that is not the point. This little note reveals the grandiose
role France sees for herself in the world. It also reveals French
impertinence and hauteur. The controversy cannot help the campaign
of Senator Jean-François Kerry, the Democrats' touchy
Francophile presidential candidate, whose odd behavior is so
luminously reflected in this note.
What supposed rudeness drove the prima donnas in the Consulate
to issue their message? Did some eye-catching milk-fed maiden from
the American Midwest laugh out loud when one of the Consulate's
young boulevardiers burst into tears while esteeming her beauty?
Did some no-nonsense American business type become impatient when a
fop from the "Consular personnel" filled out his visa document with
a government-issued quill? I have never applied for a French visa,
finding as I do a two-week stay in France sufficient to admire the
ruins; and frankly I cannot imagine many of my fellow Americans
wanting to stay in France long enough the necessitate a visa.
I know that Jean-François boasts of the long summer
vacations he has spent in the land of popinjays and poseurs with
cousins and nannies, but this message only serves to remind us of
how alien French neurosis is to laid-back America. Kerry in his
humorlessness and pretense would be a better candidate for mayor of
Paris than President of the United States. I do not mean to suggest
that Kerry is corrupt in the manner of the usual French politician.
I cannot imagine his filching funds from the U.N.'s food for oil
scam. Nor can I imagine his receiving campaign donations from
Saddam Hussein as President Jacques Chirac allegedly did. Yet, it
is increasingly apparent that Senator Kerry has more in common with
a Frenchman than with an American.
This can be seen in his proud dilettantism and his vain concern
for his hair and his chin. Just the other day he dragged poor
Senator John Edwards, his running mate, into his hair conceit,
bellowing to a crowd of supporters that the two have "better hair"
than their Republican opponents. Reports of his visits to plastic
surgeons continue to circulate, one of the first being a report
that he sought the perfect chin from a facial sculptor known to be
a plastic surgeon to the stars. More recently it has been reported
by the authoritative Drudge Report that the Senator's wrinkles are
again on the rise. Such concerns have never been manifest by
presidential candidates of the genuine American sort, say, Richard
Nixon or Lyndon Johnson. They let the wrinkles come and the hair
depart. Their concern was the national interest…and a few
perks.
One of the fascinating aspects of French haughtiness is how
easily it renders itself to horselaughs. That note tacked on the
door of the New York consulate was meant as a gesture of
seriousness about proper deportment and the result was
hilaritas. Senator Kerry's stentorian pronouncements about
his policies and his noble character are meant to give us goose
bumps but all we get is a tickling of our funny bones. The French
nation may not be the great nation it once was, but it certainly is
an amusing nation. Vive la France, the comic nation. If it
causes Senator Kerry's campaign problems let him take his
complaints to Federal Election Commission.
topics:
Business, European Union, NATO, Oil
