The American Spectator

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On the Town

7.2.04 @ 12:01AM

AMONG THE BOO-BIRDS
Re: The Washington Prowler's Cheney Town:

Re: Cheney at Yankee Stadium -- I was at that game at Tuesday night, and from where I was sitting, I was one of the few people cheering. I was kind of shocked, actually, at what a terrible reception he got.
-- Alexander Lycoyannis
New York, New York

NO SWEAT
Re: H. W. Crocker III's Metroland:

Mr. Crocker states that only the patriotically deluded think Washington, D.C. is a great summer vacation spot. My family begs to differ. Late September is a better time to visit D.C. (with kids in strollers), but now that our kids are in school and in various travel soccer and hockey programs, our only family vacation window is July and August (spring break is reserved for rugged skiing out west, when we allow the kids to miss a few extra days of school over spring break). The mall is a great place for active families, since there is a least a half mile hike between each destination. And our children love the Metro (all flyover country kids do), but we try to avoid the rush hours. I recommend visiting D.C. in August, when the rest of the city is on vacation -- just don't try to enter the Beltway on the last day of work on Friday afternoon, like we did last year. We were "landlocked" in six lanes of traffic for a few hours. It was like hundreds of thousands of college kids leaving at the same time for spring break, but only they were driving BMWs and wearing office clothing instead of beat up old vans and beachwear.

My wife and I have also noticed the nation's obesity problem, hence the overindulgence of our children in competitive sports as a preventative measure to a life of inactivity and marathon seat sitting. However, the obesity problem has taken an even uglier turn at Walt Disney World, where "hippos" enjoy the latest technology called "Amigos," or electric wheel chairs, which allow middle aged men and women to continue eating huge portions throughout their lives without exercise or losing their mobility. Some of these "Amigos" have a sense of entitlement that is displayed in their reckless driving (our children were nearly run over several times) and their demands to go to the front of the lines and demand handicapped seating, even if they have to delay all of those behind them while they maneuver their hefty machines into place.

To be fair, there were many polite elderly and genuinely handicapped people that used the Amigos to enjoy their technology-aided mobility in the open spaces of Disney World, but they aren't nearly as noticeable as the rude ones. As we were leaving Animal Kingdom on the long trek to find our car in the vast parking lot, we noticed an elderly lady moving slowly with a walker towards her car. Even our children expressed their admiration of her reluctance to use electric transport, after being nearly run over several times by stampeding Amigos. It was then that I expressed my desire to my children to shoot me before I could ever sling my overweight body into an Amigo, unless it was for genuine medical reasons other than extreme obesity. When my teenage son asked what weight limit over which I should be shot (I am sure he was joking), I quickly withdrew my request. I am beginning the South Beach Diet this weekend, just in case he was serious...
-- Mike Spencer
Midland, Michigan

One of the nicest vacations my family has ever taken is in Washington, D.C. We stayed in a hotel new the main embassies and there were many delightful restaurants nearby, owned by immigrants. The art, history, and science museums are fabulous and the historical sites and monuments are all a must see. We saw the Marine parade, an amazing presentation. I even enjoyed the train, though we stayed off during rush hour.
-- Michael Bergsma

H. W. Crocker III puts it this way: "I'm over six feet tall and built like a wide receiver -- and I wish I lived in a country where the women were smaller than I am."

Obviously, Mr. Crocker has been unable to find connecting trains to the Jersey Shore. Sorry, I can't seem to find the schedule at the moment...
-- Mark Hessey
Belmar, New Jersey

I'm a former (two-time) resident of the D.C. area and expect to return eventually to Federal employment there. (I'm in grad school right now, working towards a Master's.)

I was last in the D.C. area in 1987; even before then, I strongly recommended that prospective visitors avoid the place until the Fall -- late October in Washington can be lovely -- or, better still, wait until cold weather before or after school holidays.

I greatly enjoyed Triumph, and hope to use it some day as the text for a Church history class. It's the best work on Church history that this adult convert has ever seen.
-- Elizabeth Whitaker

Mr. Crocker: Come on out to the West, but hold the horse. I live in the Dallas/Fort Worth area and the Hippos have arrived here as well. And look out! They wield their posteriors to the barcolounger of a 3 ton SUV in most cases. So the species we have out here is much more deadly when aroused. It's also the only carriage to which they will fit.

We suffer through 1-2 hour commutes on roads built during Lyndon Johnson's largess. Only to be exacerbated by L.A. copycat high speed chases just before the rush hour. Watching some maniac attempt a 3-lane change to get to the airport with only prayer beads for guidance.

The ole saw about how many Texas Rangers it takes to stop a riot does not apply to rush hour -- they are not to be seen. Which gives rise to the term the "Wild West" in modern terms. Today the equalizer is not the number of cylinders in your gun but the number under the hood of your vehicle.

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